


Find Me

by Soundproof



Category: Merlin (TV), The Sentinel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, Guide Gwaine, Guide Gwen, Guide Merlin, Multi, Sentinel Arthur, Sentinel Elyan, Sentinel Lancelot, Sentinel/Guide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 79,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7278118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soundproof/pseuds/Soundproof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin's worst fears come to life and everything is just wrong. Will Arthur be able to get to him before everything falls apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

People don't know what I am.

In fact, I'm not entirely sure how it's possible to be what I am, which is precisely why I do what I do.

I hide. I'm good at it, too. Hiding in plain sight. Sounds ridiculous I know, especially for a 16-year-old to be doing this, although I've certainly seen it in on the telly enough times. I've been doing it so well for so long it's kind of become second nature.

But all this is neither here nor there, is it?

Let me explain then, I'm a wizard. Which would be perfectly fine, there's plenty around, even have their own classes in school. I'm mates with several of them myself. Granted, I only started befriending wizards because I wanted more information about being a wizard, seeing as I couldn't come out with it like everybody else, and now some of them are really good friends and I don't regret that decision at all.

Honestly, if I was just a wizard, I would've gladly announced it to the world and joined them in the classes. There's no fear in being a wizard. IF you're just a wizard. That's where my trouble really begins, you know? Because I'm not just a wizard. I'm a guide, too.

And, yes, I know, now a days being a guide isn't so bad. Nobody forces bodings anymore and there's so many around that it's really no big deal and once you've found your bond-mate or whatever you can go to school like everyone else. You have laws and rights now. Not really free though. Not my definition of freedom anyway, to be bound to someone your entire life and never allowed to really tread too far away from them. Heaven forbid you want to go to school out of the country. If your sentinel doesn't agree, then as his or her guide you're not going anywhere, but still they all look fairly happy. I have plenty of mates who are guides and sentinels in school too. Befriended them for the same reasons as I tried so hard to be friends with wizards. Lack of information drove me to them.

None of them seemed to mind so much though. All my questions I mean, or lending me their books on the subject. Of course, I was clever about it, least I think so, I told them all I wanted to be a doctor in the future. A well rounded one that could work with all types. Surprisingly enough, they all seemed to agree that there was lack of non-magic, non-sentinel doctors that were truly empathetic in their treatment of both. Magic could do wonderful things for healing, but sometimes a regular doctor was all that was available or needed and half the time the sentinels and guides could be a bit too sensitive to magic. Could have adverse effects, but if the wizard is especially trained to handle them then it certainly assisted their cause.

Still, it was fairly easy to get close to all of them and in some odd ways, I've bridge the invisible gap that existed between the sentinel, guides, and wizards in my school. Mostly, I think the guides never minded magic, but their sentinels are more sensitive about it, possibly due to lack of information as well. They all seem to get on well enough now. Least the ones I'm mates with do.

Sorry, I've gone quite off subject, haven't I?

I ramble sometimes, especially when I'm nervous and today I'm truly, truly nervous.

I'll get to that in a bit though, for now let me get back to my subject.

Never.

Never ever.

And, believe me, I have researched the shite out of this.

Never ever, in the history of all guides, sentinels and wizards has there been a wizard guide. There's never been a wizard sentinel either, but that's not the point.

Lucky, lucky me, that I'm both.

Of course, because I'm not odd enough, I had to present as both, right? Right?!

So lucky, lucky me.

At first, when I found out I was a guide. I was quite upset about it. All guides are taken to the "specialized" guide training schools until their sentinel is found and only after are they able to have a semi-normal life. As normal as a life you could have when being bonded to a sentinel. Which like I said, isn't really bad nowadays, but still, even at such a young age, I couldn't imagine having myself attached to one person for the rest of my life. Making decisions for my future based on their needs. I wanted to make my own decisions for myself. If I want to leave the country or move or anything, I didn't want to have to ask for permission.

So when the day came, and the day always comes when they tested you, I hid it. I put up barriers and made myself seem as much of a mute as I could possibly be, which I might say at the age of 8, was quite an impressive feat to be able to find out how to do. Especially seeing as I had no prior training, but I did it and I was smart enough to realize that if I didn't want to be carted off to guide school that I needed to keep it up. Not just for the test. Everyday. No one could notice, and I definitely had to stop reading others emotions, they influenced me far too much and someone might notice that too.

So while I was living with my aunt Claurice and uncle Teddy, I was unendingly grateful that my uncle worked as a scientist with guides and sentinels. He was helping develop medicine and calculate proper dosages for them. This lead to him having loads of books on the subject and I studied them endlessly. Which, if you knew me, you'd know that was quite unusual for me to do. My aunt had even asked me, "What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" I told her I was just curious and luckily enough she let me be (it wasn't until later I came up with the doctor excuse).

Then, a year later, and purely by accident, I found out I was a wizard as well. It was kind of silly actually, I'd gotten into a fight with my cousin and accidentally managed to push her into mud at the park. Except, I hadn't touched her, wasn't anywhere near her. My aunt had thought she'd fallen, but I remembered thinking about it so hard and then it happened. I wasn't sure how, but I knew I'd done it.

And after some research, I found out exactly how. Magic. So I was in an expedition to learn all about that now, too. And then, because I had to, I started asking questions.

"Uncle Teddy, what is it like for guides who are wizards too? What do they do?"

My uncle chuckled, "Merlin, there's no such thing."

NO. SUCH. THING.

Of course, he was apparently wrong. Because clearly there is such a thing if I'm here now, right?

What he said scared me to death. It scared me because if I was ever found out, what would happen to me? In accordance to him, there's no place for someone like me in the world, is there? What would they do with me? There isn't a guide-wizard school. Just a guide school. Wizards just get extra classes or can go to an all wizards school if their parents are willing to pay for it.

So I made the decision to hide that too.

Hide it all.

If I was a mute, a normal, nobody would bother with me at all. No one would ever pay me any mind. I could find ways to learn about both things. Strengthen my empathetic shields and my magic and find a way to always, _always_ keep it to myself and no one would take me anywhere.

People don't know what I am. _Can't_ know. _Won't_ know.

And that was most definitely that.


	2. Nothing To Worry About

I was joking around with Gwen as we both walked together to meet our mates for lunch. Gwen was a sweet girl, funny and absolutely charming. She was one of my best mates, so was her sentinel-to-be Lance. They were always together, but sometimes Gwen would come and meet me before lunch so we could spend a few semi-private minutes making fun of Lance.

Gwen and Lance weren't bonded yet, but they were promised to each other. Sentinels and guides needed to come of age before they were able to bond. Which, according to Lance, would be 17, but he would wait until whenever Gwen was ready to bond, that promise was as a good as a bond until then. Everyone respected it. Still, bond or not, anyone could see how well they fit together. Like most other pairs, it's like they belonged together. It was a beautiful thing to see really, and sometimes I would find myself jealous of their relationship.

We were only a few feet away when Lance, bounded towards us, "Merlin! Gwen!" he grinned, "Have you two heard yet?"

"Heard what?" Gwen asked, reaching for Lance's hand.

Lance paused and slowly took her hand, carefully threading his fingers through hers. Then he looked up and grinned again, "About the prime! He's coming here!"

"Prime?" I asked perplexed, "What's that?"

Lance rolled his eyes at me, "The prime alpha sentinel!"

I frowned at him and looked at Gwen, "Your sentinel is being his stupid self again, Gwen, please help."

Gwen grinned at me, "The prime alpha is our leader of sorts."

"Leader? Like your king or something?" I frowned deeper, furrowing my brows. I've actually heard of the prime before, but there really wasn't any information on them. I wasn't entirely sure how the hierarchy worked for sentinels, but I knew the prime alpha was the top of the food chain and that's where all my information on the subject ended. I'd never really had a chance to ask before.

"Come on. Let's have a seat and I'll try to explain it to you." I followed Gwen to our little group, taking a seat right across from her, "Alright, then, carry on," I told her.

"The prime helps create laws and in general manage all the sentinels in the country," she started, "That's what makes them so different, they are respected by everyone and they're much stronger than the average sentinel. If he commands us, our instincts force us to obey, generally, without question."

"Without question?" Mordred asked, "What if he sends you off to your death?" Mordred was another good friend, he was a wizard and a two years younger than me. I was lucky with him, we'd met early on when my mother and father moved me here in 8th grade. My first real mate here in Albion.

"Our instincts would protect us from that kind of thing," Lance answered.

I felt my stomach churning, "Ok. So why would the prime be coming here?"

Gwen turned to look at Lance then, arching her brow at him, and he answered quickly, "The prime is of age now. To become the true prime, he has to be bonded, but apparently he's not had any luck finding his guide. He's coming to visit the guide schools in the area and decided to visit our school too. See how things are for us in our little corner of the world. So they've announced a school dance, so that we can all meet him. This Friday!"

"Are we allowed to come, too?" Morgana said, plopping down beside me and leaning her head on my shoulder. Morgana was a wizard and Mordred's girlfriend, but they've recently had a row and Morgana's been doing everything possible to get back at him, including trying to make him jealous. Mordred knows me well enough though. Knows there's no possible way anything would happen between us and ignores it. That just makes her try harder though.

"Everyone is," Lance answered, "Gwaine said that the we're supposed to arrive an hour early, so we could all meet him separately and after that everyone else can come."

"What makes him think he'll find his guide here?" I asked, doing everything possible to remain calm. There was _no way_ I was going to that dance.

"Dunno. Probably his father sending him all over the place, who cares though?" Lance said, energy just bursting through him, "We're going to actually meet the prime!"

"Well, you'll have to tell me all about it," I started, "I don't think I'll be able to come. Where's Gwaine anyway?"

Nimueh tackled me from behind, "What do you mean you're not going? I already told everyone you were my date!"

"Gwaine's with Elyan. They signed up to be part of the dance committee when they found out who's coming. They're having some meeting. I think Elyan talked Gwaine into it. You know how they are," Lance answered, ignoring her.

I sighed loudly. Nimueh was a mute, she was also my first and so far only girlfriend, we only lasted six months and that was two years ago, but sometimes I feel like she hasn't entirely been able to let that go.

"I'm not going," I answered her sternly.

Nimueh let me go and sat by me, "Why?"

"Yeah, why can't you go, Merlin?" Gwen asked.

"Family thing," I waved her off, "Don't think I'll be able to get out of it."

"Not even to meet the prime alpha?" Lance asked seemingly confused.

I shrugged at him, "He's not our prime alpha, don't think they'll care too much whether I meet him or not."

"Bugger all," he said shaking his head at me, "Try and talk them into it, yeah? It's still a dance, it won't be as much fun without you."

Nimueh pouted at me, "If you don't go, who'll be my date?"

"You can always take Cenred up on his offer," Gwen suggested.

I made a face, "He's a smarmy git."

"Which is why you should come," Nimueh insisted, "So I don't have to go with him."

"He's not that bad," Gwen frowned at me, "Always nice to me."

Lance tensed at that, "No, Merlin is right. He's a git, don't go anywhere near 'em, Gwen."

"Are you going to go with me, Morgana, or are you going to stay angry?" Mordred asked.

"Only if you apologize," Morgana answered.

"I wasn't wrong," he rebutted.

"Apologize or _I'll_ go with Cenred," Morgana threatened, "I heard he knows how to have a good time."

Mordred groaned loudly, "I'm so sorry for being so bloody right all the time."

"Now I'm _definitely_ going with Cenred," Morgana huffed getting up.

Mordred got up right after and pulled her into his arms, "Stop being stubborn, Morgana. I'm sorry, ok?"

Morgana gave Mordred a crooked smiled before she hugged him, "OK. I'll go with you."

"Still the drama queen as ever, Morgana," I laughed, "You're so whipped, mate."

Mordred let go of her and punched me in the arm, "Sod you, Merlin!"

Gwen, Nimueh, and Lance joined me in my laughter as we all got up to go back to class.

As I left their company, I wasn't too worried. So he was coming to our school for one night, so what? He'd be gone by Monday and so would his overly enhanced senses. He won't ever know I even exist.


	3. No Fibbing, Merlin

Everything was going as planned, as I expected it to. It was already Wednesday and I'd already concocted my alibi. I'd never have to meet this prime alpha or worry about him being able to sense me. I was still a little apprehensive, but come Saturday when I'd phone Gwen for details, I was sure all my fears would just wash away and Monday would just be another normal day.

For now, though, I just kept myself busy. My uncle would be dropping by to check on me soon, so I was striving to have dinner ready for him. Uncle Gaius always checked on me on Wednesdays and Sundays and he always tried to convince me to move in with him, but I knew better, Gaius was too clever and I wouldn't be surprised if he put things together if we spent too much time together. Still, I loved Gaius, he was my favorite uncle and he always indulged my curiosities, getting medical, magic, potions, guides, and sentinel books to my heart's content and he never denied me answers to any of my questions. No matter how bizarre they were. Uncle Gaius was a potions master and healer who specialized in the sentinel/guide field. He always had access to just about any information. When he was younger he used to work for the sentinel higher ups (there wasn't an alpha prime at the time), he was retired now though and spent most of his time treating people in Albion for free.

I heard the doorbell as I turned the fire off in the stove. I wasn't the best cook, but not the worst neither. I made chicken alfredo, but I hadn't tasted it yet and wouldn't be sure it was entirely edible until I did. I was much better at it than I was before though, all in thanks to uncle Gaius who forced me to learn.

I ran to the door and opened it without thought, uncle Gaius stood there with a huge grin, "Merlin!"

I grinned back and hugged him, "Gaius!"

He hugged me back, "Alright?"

"Alright, you?"

He nodded, "Perfectly fine, although I do have an inquiry for you."

"Alright, but come inside first," I said ushering him in, "I made chicken alfredo, but I haven't tried the results yet."

Uncle and I walked to the kitchen table and he sat down, "Tea?"

"Yes," he smiled, "Thank you."

I walked back into the kitchen, prepared plates and tea, "I'm going to have you take the first bite and tell me what you think." I walked back, placing my uncle's food and tea in front of him and going back for my own.

I sat and stared Gaius down watching him slowly pick up the fork and take a bite, "Well?" I asked before he even had a chance to swallow.

Gaius nodded and swallowed, he grinned again, "Very good, Merlin! You're learning well."

I sighed in relief and began eating, "So what's on your mind then?"

"Morgona came to see me Tuesday," Gaius started.

"Morgana? Is she alright?"

"Yes, she was just having some trouble sleeping so her mother brought her to see me," Gaius answered quickly, "But she mentioned a school dance?"

"Ahh," I said my eyebrows arching in surprise. One of the few times I had to come up with a fib and I got caught, didn't I?

"Why did you tell her you couldn't go?"

I cringed at his question, "I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want to be mean when I turned Nimueh down so I made up a fib, did you cover for me?"

Gaius eyed me curiously and nodded, "I did, but I think you should go, Merlin."

I furrowed my brow, "Why?"

"It's not good for you to be at home alone too often."

"I spend quite a bit of time at yours and my friends' houses," I answered, "I don't see what difference one dance is going to make."

"I prefer you being out of the house with people than being at home alone all the time," Gaius insisted, "In fact, I want you to go. Why do you need to stay home anyway? For what?"

"I just don't feel like going," I shrugged.

"All your friends will be there, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself," he argued.

"I really don't want to go, Gaius, please."

"Why?"

"I just don't!"

Gaius frowned at me, "Well you're going, Merlin, if only to appease me, you're going to go, and I want proof you went too. Ticket stubs, pictures. You're not going to be sitting home alone, I'll drop you off myself."

"Gaius!" I exclaimed, "Why?"

"If you really don't want to go then there is another way to appease me," he answered with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

I groaned, "What would that be?"

"Move in," he answered quickly, "That way I won't have to worry."

I groaned again, "I'll think about it."

"It's either one or the other."

"You're too much, uncle," I said pinching the bridge of my nose.

Gaius chuckled, "Would you expect any less?"

"Not from you, no."

Gaius and I finished our meal and then moved onto my notebook, nowadays I wrote all my questions about the books down for Gaius and he would go over them with me when he came over.

After Gaius left, I laid on my bed mulling over my options. One-night risking being exposed to the prime alpha or a minimum of a year of risking being most likely caught by Gaius. I didn't know what would happen either way, but it was obvious that one night would be easier to deal with. Besides, I could go to dance, take some pictures, leave and then come back before my uncle picked me up. It would still be extremely easy to avoid this guy and it would only be for a few hours. Nothing much.

I called Gwen, which at times was the equivalent of calling Gwen and Lance on a conference call.

Gwen picked up, "Hi, Merlin. Everything alright?" Apparently, this was one of those times because following her voice I heard Lance, "Hey, Merlin!"

"Hello. Maybe," I answered.

"Maybe? What's going on?" she asked, concern etching her voice.

"What happened? Do you need help?" Lance asked after.

"I told a fib and it's come back to bite me in the arse," I answered.

I could practically see Gwen frowning at me on the other end, "And what was this fib?"

"I said I couldn't go to the dance because of a family thing," I answered, "I just hadn't wanted to go with Nimueh, but my uncle caught me and as pay back is making me go. You wouldn't happen to know if Nimueh found a date, do you?"

I could hear Lance snorting in the background, "Oh come on, Merlin, Nimueh's not that bad that you have to lie like that."

"No, every time I go somewhere with her and she's my "date" even if I clearly say as a friend she still clings to me all night and tries to kiss me at least once," I answered, "I like her when she's my friend, not when she's trying to be anything more than that and I'm tired of explaining to her we're just friends." All of which was true, but still not the main reason I hadn't wanted to go.

Gwen sighed audibly, "I think she did find a date, someone from her science class, Valiant I think it was."

I blew out a relieved breath, at least I wouldn't have to go with her, "Well good, I can just go stag then. Think you could ask your brother to get me a ticket tomorrow? He _is_ in the committee after all."

"Much to Gwaine's chagrin," she giggled, "I will, but there's no reason why you should go alone, I'm sure we could find you a date, Merlin."

"Yeah, it'd probably be better if you weren't the only one of us going alone, what if you get bored? You'll have no date to annoy," Lance oh so helpfully added.

"If I get that bored I'll just leave, Lance. The dance is in two days, I doubt anyone is dateless now," I answered.

"I think you're wrong, Merlin," Gwen quickly cut in, "In fact, I think I know someone who would love to go with you. I'd have to call her to make sure, but today she still hadn't been asked by anyone and she's too shy to ask herself."

"Thanks, Gwen," I answered, "But I don't mind going alone."

"Come on, Merlin! Balls up and chat the girl up!" Lance called out.

"I think he's right, Merlin," Gwen answered, "You might have more fun this way."

I groaned loudly, "Why is it that people in relationships are always trying to couple up everyone they know?"

"Just give her a chance, Merlin, she's a nice girl," Gwen scolded.

"Fine," I conceded, "What's her name?"

"Vivian," she said, "I'll call her tonight and introduce you tomorrow. You'll like her, Merlin."

"If you say so," I sighed, "Alright, I gotta finish some house chores. I'll see you two at school tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Merlin," Gwen answered.

"G'night, mate," Lance added.

"Goodnight you two," I said hanging up.

Great, so now I have to go to the dance _and_ keep as much distance as I can from the alpha prime _and_ entertain a date. Fucking brilliant.

* * *

Gwen met me after class again today. Giddy excitement coming off her in waves, I loved Gwen, but she was definitely not helping matters with this whole date thing and all her excitement did was annoy me.

I groaned and said, "Alright already. Let's get this over with."

Gwen smacked my arm, "Oh stop being a sour puss, Merlin, I swear you'll like her and I'm sure she'll like you."

I looked down at myself and made a face, it's not that I have no self-confidence, but I knew I was wiry and awkward. Not generally considered the handsome rugged type.

"Oh stop it," Gwen rolled her eyes, "You're cute, Merlin."

I grinned at Gwen, "Not really sure "cute" is what most guys go for, but I guess I'll take it."

She smiled at me and lead me towards the bleachers where there was a small group of girls huddled together. Gwen smiled at them and waved one over, I stood there watching one of the prettiest girls I've seen stand up and slowly make her way towards us and all of the sudden I felt like a complete idiot. Nerves quickly ricocheting in my body.

Vivian was absolutely beautiful, she had blonde hair cascading down her body, smooth creamy skin, and beautiful cupid's bow lips. She looked like a princess.

"Hello, Gwen," she smiled politely.

"Vivian, this is Merlin," Gwen began, "Merlin this is Vivian."

"Hello, Merlin," she said, turning her deep blue eyes towards me and effectively making my brain short circuit. I stood there unmoving until finally Gwen took pity on me and bumped my side making me spew something out, "Hey-lo."

Vivian tilted her head to the side seemingly confused at my eloquence with words, "Ah sorry," I laughed nervously, "I was going to hey then changed it to hello and it came out wrong."

Gwen must've taken pity at my gracelessness again because she decided to say, "Merlin has something he wants to ask you, go on Merlin," sounding like a mother hen pushing her chick out of the nest.

It just made it worse, but I sucked in a breath and went with it anyway, "Ah yes, I was wondering if you would like to go with me to the dance this Friday? If your still available that is."

Vivian let out a soft giggle, "I would love to go with you, Merlin, but we'll have to meet here, my father's a bit over protective so it's better if he thinks I'm coming with my friends."

I stammered, "O-of course, seven alright to meet you?"

"I was hoping to come a little earlier since I have an early curfew. I know no one likes coming as soon as the dance starts, but I'd really like to come here at 6."

I nodded, "No, no, no, t-that's perfect. I'll meet you near t-the entrance of the gym."

She grinned at me, "Yes! That would be great."

"Great," I agreed stupidly.

She stood there for a moment before saying, "Well, ok. I'll see you later."

"Ah B-bye."

I stood there like an idiot as she went back towards her friends.

"Very smooth on that one, Merlin."

I turned to face Gwen and laughed, "Everyone's a critique."

Gwen grinned at me and we walked to our regular spot with our friends.

Gwen decided to announce loudly, "Merlin's going with Vivian to the dance!"

Morgana looked up at me with furrowed brows, "I thought you couldn't go?"

I stared at her squarely, " _Someone_ decided to convince Gaius to fight for my cause and I was liberated to come."

Morgana smirked, "That worked?"

"Apparently," I affirmed smiling back.

"Who the hell is Vivian?" Mordred asked puzzled.

"A friend of mine, very sweet," Gwen clapped her hands, "They'll have a great time together."

"Who's going to have a great time together?"

Lance and I turned around to face the voice, "Merlin and Vivian at the dance," he answered.

"I thought you said you couldn't go," Nimueh said quietly, I could see the disappointment flash in her eyes and I immediately felt guilty, "I found out I could last night," I answered, "Gwen told me you already had a date, so she set me up with her friend."

"Oh," Nimueh looked at Gwen, "I see," she quipped, "Well congratulations," she turned around and started stomping away.

"Nimueh!" I called after her, reaching for her hand, "I didn't mean to hurt you." She quickly removed her hand from my grip, "It's fine," she scoffed, "Have fun with _Vivian,_ " and stalked off.

"Well that went well," I frowned.

"She'll be alright, mate," Lance slapped my shoulder, "This is probably good for her. Remember what you said last night."

"I guess," I muttered, my shoulders sagging, "I hope."

I didn't pay much attention for the rest of the day after that. I felt terrible about Nimueh, especially since I had lied in the first place. I liked Nimueh, I just didn't like her like she liked me. At least, not anymore. I hoped that I could find a way to make it up to her. I cringed at the thought of the dance, I really need to be on my guard Friday night, pretty girl or no I can't let myself get caught. That's the _last_ thing I need.

As soon as I got home I called Gaius and left him a message saying I'd need a ride to the dance tomorrow and then I called Morgana who hurriedly came over to help me dig through my closet for something to wear. I mostly let her pick all my clothes out and she told me that I was going "geek chic" for tomorrow because I really didn't have many other options. She picked out a black blazer, a reddish tie, a gray checkered shirt, dark blue skinny jeans, and my favorite (also the only thing I'd worn before of the pile) my black high top chucks.

I thought I looked ridiculous, but Morgana insisted that it was good. I hoped so, I didn't exactly have any time for last minute shopping. I decided to trust her and make it my wardrobe for tomorrow, Morgana was always good when it came to fashion anyway. She always knew what she was doing.

After she left I laid in bed and took in slow deep breaths, willing my anxiety to let me go for the night so I could sleep and be on better alert for tomorrow. When I finally did fall asleep, I had weird dreams of a pair of entrancing eyes leading me to my death. Ice blue eyes, intense, like they could see through the deepest part of me and brusquely take it all on. I woke up rattled and gasping. An earth shattering feeling of being incomplete, and with the knowledge that whatever it is that I needed to change that was hair's breadth away.


	4. No Way, Not Him

****

All of my friends were a buzz with excitement today, all the while I was trying to keep my trepidation over my possible impending doom at the dance in check. Although Gwen did notice my anxiety, I was able to convince her it was over going with Vivian, which did make me nervous, but really wasn't my biggest concern for the evening, by the time school ended I was a bundle of nerves and fear.

Still, I had faith that I could pull this off, it wouldn't be the first time I pushed through in a time of stress anyway, I just had to remain calm and follow the plan.

After school I ate a sandwich, took a slow shower, and slowly slipped into the clothes Morgana had picked out for me the night before. I took a glance in the mirror, yesterday I hadn't seen it, but today I did think I looked pretty good in the clothes she picked out. I took a slow deep breath. It would be ok. Everything was going to be ok.

Before I knew it I heard a car pull in and incessant honking that I was sure Gaius was doing to annoy me. I ran out of the house, locking the door behind me, "Please stop already!"

Gaius grinned at me, "Wouldn't want you to be late for your date."

I rolled my eyes at him and walked around to the passenger door, "I still can't believe you're forcing me to go."

"Merlin," Gaius shook his head and preceded to pull out of the drive way, "You need to have fun when your young. Create good memories. You have too many worries for someone your age."

"Like that's my fault," I answered brusquely, "I still don't see what that has to do with this dance. Nimueh is mad at me by the way."

"I thought you said she had a date already."

"She does, but she still got mad," I sighed.

"I'm sure she'll be alright," Gaius answered, "You should worry more about your date. You're sure you want me to pick you up that early?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "Vivian has an early curfew anyway and I don't want to be standing around at the end of the dance while everyone else dances around with their date."

Uncle Gaius hummed, "That makes sense."

It was only a few minutes ride from my house to the school, my uncle dropped me off near the gym where the dance was being held and a glance at my watch told me I was only 7 minutes early.

Apparently, I hadn't been the only one who arrived this early as there were plenty of other students standing around, waiting to get in. I only had to wait about 5 minutes before Vivian arrived, she waved her father goodbye and waited until he left the parking lot before she joined me in line, "Merlin! How are you?"

Vivian wore a light gold dress that just flowed down her body, she really did look like a princess. I gave Vivian a shy smile, "Good, you?" Thankful I'd been more prepared to handle my nerves around her.

"Great!" Vivian giggled, "We didn't really have much of a chance to talk before today. Are you excited about meeting their alpha? I heard he was really handsome!"

"Um not really," I shrugged, furrowing my brows, "But you are?"

"Of course I am," Vivian sighed, "Everyone tells me he's gorgeous with beautiful blue eyes and a gentleman. How could you not be excited?"

"I guess I just wasn't really overly concerned about it," I shrugged again.

Vivian studied me for a moment, "But I would've thought you'd be especially excited about it. How often do we get a handsome male celebrity to visit?"

"Why would I care about some bloke I don't even know?"

"But everyone says he's really good looking, I would've thought you'd want to at least see him," she argued.

I gave Vivian a bewildered look, "Why would I want to see a guy just because he's good looking?"

Vivian returned the look twice fold, "Because you're gay and I thought it would be fun for us to drool over him together?"

My eyes grew to saucers and my heart sank into my chest, "D-did you only agree to come with me because you thought I was gay?"

Vivian tilted her head to the side, "Well, yes, I'm not allowed to date, so I thought it would be perfect to go with a guy who wasn't interested in me."

It just figured that my first date in two years only went out with me because she thought I was gay and had no interest in me whatsoever. Which was just ridiculous. I couldn't help it, I started to laugh hysterically. This seemed to (understandably) concern Vivian, "Merlin? Are you alright?"

I finally managed to calm myself down as the line for the door started to move forward, "I'm fine," I said breathless, "And I'm not gay."

"What?" Vivian asked confused.

"Don't know why you would think that," I laughed, "I've had a girlfriend before."

"Yes, but I thought that was just a phase for you," Vivian insisted, "We all go through phases."

"I've never thought of a guy that way," I shook my head.

"I'm not allowed to date," she whispered, looking around nervously, "Are you sure?"

"Don't think of it that way," I sighed, "Just think of it as two friends at a dance together. It doesn't have to be a date, you know?"

Vivian visibly relaxed at my words and smiled, "Alright. I'm sorry, Merlin, I didn't mean to insult you."

I handed the teacher our tickets and walked with Vivian inside, "It's not an insult, just odd that you would think that. Why would you think that anyway?"

"Well, I don't know," Vivian answered, "I just got a feeling you were and just assumed."

"Alright, I guess," I shook myself off and started looking around, "Want to find our table first?"

"Already did," she pointed towards a table with Gwen and the lot. I nodded and quietly followed her towards them. I didn't think I could feel anymore more awkward in this "date, but not a date" of ours.

I scanned the area, immediately noticing a fairly large group of people off to one side towards the front. "I take it that that's where he is?" I tilted my head in that direction and looked at Lance when we reached the table.

"Yeah," Lance answered, "He's been surrounded since after we all got introduced to him."

Gwen smiled at me as I pulled a chair out for Vivian and took a seat myself, "Lovely. Everyone this is Vivian," I looked at Gwaine and said, "That one there is Gwaine, the one by him is Elyan. Where's Morgana and Mordred?" Hopefully he'd stay surrounded all night in that corner and I won't have to worry about him.

Vivian smiled at them, "It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all ours," Gwaine responded returning the smile.

"They won't be coming until 730," Gwen answered, "Morgana said there was no way she could come so early. Something about a reputation to uphold or something. How are you doing, Vivian?"

"Good and you?"

Gwen grinned, "Good."

I nodded, "Oh yeah, I do remember her trying to explain something about that to me earlier."

"Oh! Enough about the M&M's! So how do you two like the decorations and the theme so far?" Elyan asked, "I think we did a decent job with only 5 days' notice."

"Oh they're lovely," Vivian answered readily, "I always love twinkling lights like these."

"What she said," I affirmed, "What on earth is that playing though?"

"Cake by the Ocean," Gwaine rolled his eyes, "Honestly, Merlin, just turn on the radio once in a while would you?"

Lance snorted, "Merlin use technology? You're joking right?"

"Shut up," I cautioned, wishing I could kick him under the table, but it was too big for me to be able to reach him.

Gwen must've agreed with me because she slapped Lance across the head, "Stop it, you."

Gwaine laughed, "Ooh! You're in trouble now Lance!"

Vivian and I laughed together before she asked, "So what is he like?"

"Who?" I frowned.

"She means the prime, obviously," Lance answered.

"Well in my opinion he was a little pompous, but polite," Gwen answered, "Lance and him got on well enough, though."

Lance gave me a huge smug grin, "We certainly did. He even promised to come find me to spar later."

"Come find you?" I tensed, "When?"

"When he has time obviously," Lance sighed in distress, "He invited me to sit with him, but Gwen insisted we should sit with you poor lot instead."

Elyan punched him in the arm, "Shut up you git."

Lance returned the punch, "You're just jealous."

Vivian clapped her hands excitedly, "So I'll really get a chance to meet him then? I didn't think I'd be able to push through that crowd he has around him. It's almost like he's royalty."

I snorted and looked at the crowd, "Sounds more like he's a spoiled prat to me."

"Maybe a little," Gwaine agreed, "But he did seem like a genuinely nice guy."

Lance looked at me and said very seriously, "He even told me I could call him Arthur."

I furrowed my brows, "Isn't that his name?"

"Yes, but normally everyone would call him Sentinel Pendragon or alpha prime out of respect," Gwen explained, "So saying he could call him by his name is a sign of trust. They really did seem to get on well when we were with him. Like old friends."

"Whatever," I muttered looking back at the crowd, "I still don't really get why he's so special. How old did you say he was? He's still a kid just like the rest of us."

Lance rolled his eyes at me, "A kid that will someday soon run all the sentinel tribes in the country. He's not _like_ royalty," he looked at Vivian, "He _is_ royalty."

Vivian sighed dreamily, "It's times like this I wish I was a guide. Could you imagine being with someone like that?"

"No," I answered sternly, narrowing my eyes at her.

She looked up at me in surprise and giggled nervously, "Right. Of course not."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed, "Would you like a drink, Vivian? Or some food? I'll be happy to get it for you."

Vivian gave me a soft smile, "Some orange juice would be nice, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," I said quickly getting up and moving towards the food table, keeping one eye on the crowd, I hadn't noticed Lance following me until he suddenly placed his hand on my shoulder effectively making me yell out an undignified squeak and jump three feet in the air.

Lance snorted in laughter, "A bit tense there, mate?"

I glared at him, "That's not funny, you twit."

"Oh come on, Merlin," he chuckled, "You know it was."

I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him, "Whatever."

Lance went in step right beside me, "What's been with you, mate? You've been antsy all week."

"Nothing. I'm not antsy," I said curtly.

Lance grabbed my arm and turned me to him, "I'm a sentinel, Merlin, I can tell when you're lying."

I frowned, "I know you're worried, but I really don't want to talk about it right now."

Lance studied my face before letting my arm go, "It's your father again, isn't it? Did he get hurt again?"

I looked behind Lance, staring fixedly at one of the small lights, "I wouldn't know, he hasn't called in a month. Won't answer when I call either."

"A month, Merlin?!" he exclaimed, "Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrugged, "There's nothing we can do about it and I'm sick of thinking about it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Merlin," Lance frowned at me, "I'm sure he's alright. I know telling you not to worry is useless, but try to relax, mate, your father always pulls through in the end. I'm sure he'll call."

My shoulders sagged and I looked at Lance, "I hope so, Lance. Dunno what I'll do if he doesn't."

Lance put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed, "He will. Now you have a pretty date you shouldn't disappoint, so try and cheer up."

I snorted and then began to laugh, "Lance, you don't even know."

"What?" he asked bewildered, "Know what? What's so funny?"

I calmed myself down and whispered, "She thought I was gay."

"What?" his eyebrows shot up, "Why?"

I snorted, "No idea, but it's the only reason she agreed to come with me anyway."

Lance went silent for a while, "Are you?"

"Seriously?" I asked, " _You_ think I'm gay?"

"Well, I don't," he answered, "But it's ok if you are, you know."

"I know it's ok," I answered, "But I'm _not_ gay."

I stared at him, "What the hell, Lance?"

Lance let out a breath and grinned, "Well I didn't want to start laughing and then it turns out you are, you know?"

I shook my head at him and he started laughing, "She really only agreed because she thought you were?"

I took a minute before I joined him and started laughing too, "Apparently, she's not allowed to date so she thought coming with me was a safe bet."

He snorted, "Gwen really knows how to pick 'em, huh? First Nimueh and now Vivian."

"I know," I agreed, "I really need to stop letting her set me up."

"I'm not going to let her live this one down," he chuckled.

"That's why I decided to tell you," I grinned, "Now come on, I got to get Vivian her juice before she thinks I've abandoned her."

Lance and I walked the rest of the way towards the food table and right after I picked up a cup of juice for Vivian, I thrust it towards him. He caught it, of course, as I expected him to, "What's this?"

"I figured it's the least you could do for me after being such a git," I grinned.

Lance rolled his eyes at me, but didn't try to hand me the cup back as we walked towards the table.

When we neared the table, he suddenly said, "Oh," and took off.

"Lance?" I called out to him, but he didn't pay me any mind and just kept going. I frowned at his odd behavior, but took my own time getting back to the table. I'm glad I did, because standing right there was _him._

The _him._

Blond hair, chiseled face, broad shoulders, strong sturdy built. He was beautiful to the point it made me breathless.

He was perfect. Involuntarily, I took a few steps towards him before I caught myself. What was I doing?

I took a deep breath and tore my eyes away from him, "No, no, no, no," I whispered to myself. This couldn't be happening. I took several steps back and ripped through the crowd of people towards the bathroom.

I jumped into a stall and locked the door. I was hyperventilating and I needed to calm myself down before anyone noticed what a wreck I was. I stood against the stall door and took deep breaths until I had my heart rate under control.

My mind wandered back to him. Back to the intense pull I felt near him. He was incredible, I didn't know how I knew. I just knew.

That's not true, I knew _exactly_ how I knew. Or at least the guide part of me knew, because standing there at my table with my friends was the person I've been trying to avoid for the better part of my life.

Standing there was _my_ sentinel and I had no idea who he even was. I know I've never seen him before. What're the chances that he was from my school? He wasn't, obviously, couldn't have been, because if he had been I would've found him years ago. No, no, no, no.

He could NOT be who I thought he was. Except who else could it be? I've been to plenty of school events, walked through the halls, all over school. It wouldn't make sense that I wouldn't have bumped into him if he was just a student. I knew that. He was young. How old had Lance said he was? 17. He'd look about that age. I took another deep mouthful of air. But it couldn't be, it really couldn't be. I banged my head against the stall door.

The prime alpha could not be _my_ sentinel. This has to be a mistake. Something was wrong with me and I should call Gaius and tell him I'm sick and need to go home. I need to get out of here. I'd apologize to everyone later, make something up.

I took some more deep breaths before I straightened back up. Get out of here first. Put as much distance as possible between us and then call Gaius. And then what? Wait around and give him even more of a chance to find me? No, I'd just walk home. I didn't live far anyway. Maybe a half hour walk, if that.

Yes, there you go. I had a new plan. I just needed to follow it and everything would be ok and he would leave and none of this would matter. He'd never know.

Fuck, what if he felt it? I checked my shields and steeled myself. Wrong time to start doubting yourself, Merlin. You can do this; you know you can. He hadn't even seen you, there was no way he knew you were even here. Even if he does bump into me on the way out, my shields are strong, he won't be able to tell. I'm sure of it.

I slowly unlocked the door and made my way out of the bathroom. Carefully, I scanned the room, I sensed him automatically. I knew where he was and forced myself to avoid going anywhere near him as I went towards the exit.

I'd gotten half way there before someone grabbed me and I whipped around to see Nimueh standing there. "Merlin, are you alright? You look pale, like you've seen a ghost or something," she said, concern coloring her expression.

Perfect. "No, I'm feeling sick, where have you been anyway?"

"I sat with Valiant at his table since he's my date," she said defensively, "I was going to come over and say hi."

"Ok," I swallowed, "I am sorry, Nimueh, I really hadn't known I could go."

She nodded, "S'ok. You're really feeling sick?"

"Yeah, actually, could you do me a favor and tell everyone for me?" I asked, "I'm just going to head home."

"You haven't told anyone?" she furrowed her brows, "Why?"

"I was going to call them after I got out of here," I explained "Need some fresh air, but I think it's best if I just go home while I'm at it."

She tilted her head towards me, "Well, I'll tell them for you if you want. I hope you feel better, Merlin."

"Thanks," I told her, "I'll see you on Monday then?"

She smiled, "Yeah ok. See you Monday."

I nodded and turned back around and left. I took deep breath of air and looked around. Quickly, but not too quickly, I walked across the parking lot to the main road and started my walk home.

There, see? Stuck the plan and I'm out of there. I should've never come anyway. It was a stupid, stupid thing to do. Stupidest fucking thing I've ever done even. What a brilliant fucking night this has been!

As soon as I felt I was far enough I started to run. Running as fast as I could all the way home. I scrambled for my keys, panting wildly as I reached the door, but I was trembling and couldn't seem to stop dropping them. "Fuck!" I cursed and finally because my brain decided to kick in to gear I followed that with "Aliese," and the door unlocked. I sighed in relief. Right, I forgot I knew how to do that.

I picked up the keys and walked inside, locking the door behind myself. I dropped to my knees and calmed myself again. Picking up my phone from my pocket I called Gaius and left a message telling him not to come pick me up, that I had come home early because I was feeling sick.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there. How long it took me to compose myself, but when I finally got the energy to stand back up the doorbell rang behind me, making me jump. I took slow steps towards it and looked through the peep hole and saw Gaius on the other side. I reached for the door handle and unlocked it.

"Merlin! I heard your message. Are you alright?" He said quickly stepping in and pressing his hand to my head, "You aren't running a fever, but you're all sweaty. What happened?"

"Nothing," I answered quickly, "It's my stomach, probably something I ate. I'm alright, Gaius, just want to lay down."

He frowned at me, "I brought some potions just in case. I have one for nausea."

"I don't think I'll need it," I answered, "Really, Gaius, I'm alright. If I thought it was serious, I'd tell you."

Gaius eyed me down carefully, "Well alright. Let me make you some tea and then you can lay down. What are your symptoms?"

"Nausea," I answered, "Vomiting. That's all."

He nodded, "Alright then. Come on." I followed him into the kitchen and watched him silently make me a cup of tea.

He handed me my cup and watched me drink it, "Are you sure you're alright?"

I nodded, "Yes," then giving him a small smile, I added, "Thank you, Gaius."

Gaius gave me a warm smile, "Well go on to bed then, I'll stay for a bit and lock the door on my way out."

I got up and went to my room, quickly changing into something more comfortable and slipping into bed.

In a few hours today would be over and it won't matter. It won't matter what I am or who he is or any of it. Everything would go back to normal. It had to. I closed my eyes letting exhaustion and thoughts of blond hair pull me into a deep sleep.


	5. Can't Get Rid Of Him That Easily

The weekend went pretty smoothly. Several calls from all my friends. Morgana, Gwen, and Elyan all dropped by to check on me on Saturday. I assumed Lance had told Gwen about Vivian because she brought me chocolates and profusely apologized for it. Sunday went by without a hitch, too. Gaius and I spent the day together. We went grocery shopping and watched a movie together at his place before he dropped me back off.

I know it seems pointless to share this with you, but I wanted to explain how completely convinced I was that the whole ordeal was over and done with. It should've been. The prime alpha should be long gone by now. I'd never have to see his face again and, after everything, that should make me happy.

It shouldn't make me cry. Err I mean want to cry. I didn't cry. Honestly.

Anyways, come Monday, I was both devastatingly heartbroken and relieved. Still, I was ready to buck up and carry on like I always do. Nothing else I could do anyway. Not like I had a way to contact him, tell him everything and ask him to come back to me. Not that I'd ever do that anyway. Or wanted to do that.

It's the whole guide thing that's making me feel this way. I don't even know him, so strictly speaking, missing him or wanting him as badly as I did wasn't normal, and believe me when I say I wanted him, I mean I truly wanted him. I wanted him in ways that I didn't even know you could want someone. I wanted to crawl into his arms, burrow myself in his chest and never leave. I wanted to spend lazy Sundays with him. Learn all his smiles and all his moods and all his everything. I wanted to hear his voice. I'd spent part of the weekend trying to come up with how he'd sound in my head, but nothing seemed right. A part of me knew, however he sounded, I would love it. I would love everything about him.

All these thoughts were rolling through my mind while I was on my bus headed to school. Well, actually, all these thoughts had been on my mind all weekend. I wish I'd taken more time to study his face, his features. Just a glance was all I had. Just a glance of the most stunning person I'd ever met in my life. And a name. Arthur Pendragon. That was all I had.

That was all I was ever going to get.

I honestly believed that the entire weekend. Even when I stepped off the bus and walked to the stairs everyone and I met at before school. Every fiber of my being believed that I wouldn't see him.

Right up to the point I rounded the corner and saw him there. Standing next to Lance and talking to all of my closest friends. WHAT. THE. HELL?

My breath caught at the sight of him again and I almost, ALMOST convinced myself that running up to him and wrapping my arms around him would be a perfectly acceptable course of action to take. Obviously, I was losing my mind and it was most clearly his fault. I almost turned back around, but Gwaine spotted me and left the group to come towards me.

"What're you standing around here for?" Gwaine asked.

"Uh nothing I guess. Who's that?" I said breathlessly.

Gwaine grinned and looked back, "That's the prime alpha sentinel Arthur Pendragon, of course."

"Of course," I mumbled. I knew I'd been right when I'd guess he was the one, but still had some slight hope that maybe I was simply a lunatic or delusional. Either one or both worked. "What's he doing here? Thought he was leaving after the dance."

"Oh right," Gwaine nodded, "You'd gone already, but around 8 that night, he announced he would be coming to school here for at least a month. He wanted to take break from all the traveling and liked it here."

"Oh," I said, "No one mentioned anything to me."

"Well I thought you knew," he answered, "But thinking on it now, I don't think I ever discussed the dance with you, what with you getting sick and all, I hadn't wanted to throw in your face how much fun I had. Dunno why everyone else didn't mention it though."

"Probably for similar reasons, though, I am surprised Lance didn't tell me or Gwen. They usually tell me everything," I cringed, "Even when I really don't want to know."

Gwaine laughed, "I don't want to know," he said waving his hands, "Well come on. Lance has been itching to introduce you. He thinks you two will get on really well."

Looking down, I followed Gwaine towards him, "What did Gwen say I could call him? Sentinel Pendragon?"

"Arthur is fine," the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard responded, "You're Merlin, right? I've heard so much about you, I feel like I know you already."

I looked up to find him grinning at me. I was momentarily overwhelmed by him before I mentally slapped myself out of my stupor and gave Lance a suspicious look, "Don't believe everything you hear."

Lance laughed at me, "I only said good things I swear."

"Now that I definitely don't believe," I looked at Gwen, "What's he up to?"

She grinned at me, "Actually, this time, he really isn't up to anything. Surprising, I know."

I narrowed my eyes at her and then looked at Morgana, "Is she in on it?"

Morgana just giggled, "No, I heard Gwen threaten him earlier to be extra nice to you since you were sick and the Vivian thing."

I flinched at the name, "I still feel terrible about just leaving like that."

Gwaine slapped my shoulder, "It's alright, mate, Nimueh explained you were in a bad way. Vivian understood."

I sighed, "I hope so. Definitely don't need to get two girls mad at me within a weeks' time."

"Two girls?" Arthur broke in, "Who was the first?"

"Nimueh," Lance answered, "Turned her down for the dance and then went with someone else."

"Ahh," Arthur arched his brows, "Lance didn't mention you were popular with the girls."

"Oh I am," I boasted, "So popular, you know? Gotta beat them off me with a stick even."

Arthur chuckled and I swear that for a second my heart stopped, "That so?"

"Oh yes," I nodded, "Mordred can attest to that, can't you, Mordred? He's known me the longest."

"Mhm," Mordred nodded, "He's had so many girlfriends I've lost count. Let's see there was Nimueh and," he trailed off.

"And Nimueh," Gwen chipped in.

"Yes, let's not forget about Nimueh," Elyan added, "There was someone else too."

"You mean Nimueh?" I added, turning back to look at Arthur, who was readily watching me, "Really can't forget about her, you know?"

Arthur laughed, "That's such a long list. No wonder poor Mordred can't keep track."

"Right?" I agreed, "Honestly, that poor sap really needs to stop worrying about my love life."

"Well someone has to," Mordred countered, "Otherwise, you'd never get out."

"I'll leave you to it then," I responded, "Seeing as Gwen's not allowed to anymore," I looked at her, "I did tell you your matchmaking privileges have been revoked, didn't I?"

"Don't worry," Lance slapped his own chest, "I took care of that for you. Repeatedly."

"I said I was sorry," Gwen said exasperated, "I didn't know."

"Sure, you didn't," Morgana remarked sarcastically getting up and wrapping her arms around me, "I'd never do that to you, if you'd let me fix you up."

"Morgana, I've met your friends," I looked at her pointedly, "They scare me and they are all wizards. How often do we ever see a wizard and a mute date, hmm?"

"Yes, but you're Gaius's nephew," she answered, "If ever there was an exception, it's you and my friends are not scary."

"Morgana your friends are scary," I argued, "You just don't see it because you're as scary as them."

She let me go, "I'm not scary."

"You only say that 'cause you've never seen you angry," I rebutted, "I, on the other hand, have, and believe me Morgana, you are very scary when your angry. What would I do if I angered one of your friends? Stand around while one of them turns me into a frog or something? That, in no way, sounds like fun."

Morgana gave me a crooked smile, and wrapped her arms around mine again, "I guess I can see your point. Am I that scary when I'm mad?"

"More than you will ever know, love," Mordred answered.

"My friends are very nice," she leaned her head on my shoulder, "They wouldn't turn you into anything."

I kissed Morgana's forehead, "If I promise to get to know some of them better, will you let me off the hook?"

"Only if you keep your mind open to dating one of them," she said looking up at me.

"Deal," I grinned and she smiled back at me. Morgana was one of a kind. Gentle and endlessly loyal, but if you betrayed her it was basically the same thing as a death wish. She was also shy in a way, didn't trust too many people, but when she did trust you it was a wondrous thing really. I was lucky that she thought she could trust me. Grateful to have her as a friend.

I looked back up to find Arthur intensely staring at me. I bristled under his gaze and started to look down at myself to see if maybe I had something on my shirt or something. Then half way through I stopped and checked my shields. Barricade up and strong as ever, no toothpaste or anything on my shirt, why was he staring?

"You're something else, aren't you, Merlin?" he asked, voice full of wonderment.

I tensed even more, "I'm not entirely sure how to take that."

"Sorry," Arthur answered, grinning and scratching his head, "It's just that, the way Lance described you, I thought he was embellishing a little, but it really is true."

I opened my mouth to ask what was true, but the bell rang. I frowned. I really didn't want to leave Arthur, so when Morgana started pulling me towards the building, I hesitated before I followed.

Morgana and I had the first two classes together, but both teachers were strict and we never had many chances to really talk. Today, I found myself glad for the reprieve. I needed to think. He said he was staying for a month. An entire month. How was I supposed to hide for an entire month from the one person all of my instincts told me I had to run to?

What was I going to do? Just a few minutes with him and it's a battle to stop myself from running to him and telling him everything. I couldn't tell him. The whole point of me hiding it was so that I didn't have to be latched on to someone for my entire life and he's the prime yet? I hardly knew what a bond to regular sentinel would take, but a bond to him? That couldn't happen.

I needed to do something, figure something out. There was no way I could pull this off. Fuck. What was I going to do now?

Over and over, all of my thoughts raced through my head and still I had no solution. No solution short of packing my things and leaving.

Which I really might have to do.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was exhausted. I didn't go to meet my friends, instead, I found a place to hide and called my aunt Claurice.

"Merlin? Is everything alright?"

"I can't do this anymore, aunty," I answered quickly, "Neither of them have called in a month. An entire month. This is ridiculous. What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh Merlin. This is why I said you should've never left," she answered.

"I know, I know, but I thought if I came with them, I would be able to get to know them, you know? Plus, I love uncle Gaius," I sighed, "I just thought it would be good, you know? But it's been years and I'm lucky if they even call me much less spend any time with me."

"Well you could always move in with your uncle or come back," aunt Claurice answered, "We've missed you and we'd take you back in a heartbeat. You know that, don't you?"

I stayed silent for a while, "Could I really come back?"

"Of course," she responded readily.

"How soon?"

"Your uncle and I could have everything ready within a week. Are you sure about this, Merlin?"

A week. Could I last a week? I was going to have to have to. "Yeah, aunty, I'm sure. Thank you."

"Ok. I'll call your uncle and start setting everything up, alright?"

"Ok, I love you, aunty."

"I love you too, hun."

I hung up and took a deep breath. Trying to stop myself from crying. A week. A week and my entire life would be over. All the friends I had would be gone. All because of a stupid fucking sentinel. I took a shuddering breath and stood up. If these were going to be my last few days with them, then I was going to spend it with them.

I took a few steps before an alarm started going off and an announcement came on the speaker, "ALL STUDENTS MUST REPORT TO THE NEAREST BUILDING. ALL STUDENTS MUST REPORT TO THE NEAREST BUILDING AVAILABLE. DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON. SENTINELS AND GUIDES PLEASE FOLLOW ALL GUIDELINES FOR CODE 3211. WIZARDS PLEASE FOLLOW ALL GUIDELINES FOR CODE 1601. THIS IS NOT A DRILL."

I walked out of my hiding spot near the school shed and watched as all the students around me went into chaos. All the sentinels and guides were lining up near the center of the school with their teachers. The wizards too. Everyone else was running into the buildings like their lives depended on it. I started carefully making my way towards the guides before I felt someone brush my shields, I turned around scanning the area and I felt them. I couldn't see where they were, but I knew they were there.

Our entire school was surrounded by sentinels and guides. We were surrounded and I couldn't even see them. What the fuck was going on? I turned around and started sprinting towards the center of the school where I saw Arthur, Gwen, Lance, Gwaine and Elyan all lined up.

I stopped in front of Gwen, "Why is our school surrounded?"

Gwen looked at me in surprise, "You know the codes?"

"Some," I answered, "What's going on?"

"We don't know," Arthur answered, "You need to leave. You need to go inside. This doesn't concern you."

"Fuck you," I answered, "Something's going on and my friends-no, my family are all lined up outside most likely to face it and you think this doesn't concern me? Fuck you."

Arthur looked at me in surprise, I'm guessing most people didn't speak to him like that, but there was no way I was abandoning him and all my friends to face something I could help them with.

Arthur sighed and shook his head, "I understand where you're coming from, but you're untrained and you're a mute. You'd just get in the way, if a fight does happen, you could get your friends hurt or worse because they'll feel the need to protect you."

I scowled at him, but before I could mutter a response Lance added, "I hate to say it, but he's right, Merlin. I wouldn't be able to sit by and watch you get hurt, but trying to watch over you and everyone else might be a bit much."

"I'll protect him," Morgana said from behind me, "If they're too weak to protect you, Merlin, then I'll be more than happy to. You can come with me. I know if our positions were reversed I wouldn't be able to stand idly by while everyone else walked into danger."

I turned around and hugged Morgana, "Thank you, I'll do my best not to get in your way."

She returned the hug, "Come on." I followed Morgana to her place in line, upon seeing me Mordred threw his arm around my shoulder, "Was wondering when you'd show up."

I grinned at him, "Don't worry, I knew you'd be trembling in fear if I didn't show my face."

"You know it," he hummed in agreement, "Can't face anything without you holding my hand."

"That's what I'm here for."

The students were all instructed to break up in four groups. Each group would go in a direction and stand ground, until a- whoever was surrounding the school came near us or attacked and/or b- our back up arrived and we weren't needed anymore. My group with Morgana was heading towards the east of the school. I stayed closely behind her, continuously scanning the area and trying to make sure they weren't approaching. Whoever they were was unknown. Which made it hard to know what they wanted or what their intentions were.

We all took cover in precaution and waited. No one had any idea as to why any of this was happening.

It was only a short time later, when I felt them coming. Not from all directions, just the south. The direction Lance and Arthur were headed in. And if Lance was there, Gwen wasn't far behind. "Morgana," I whispered, "I have to go."

She frowned, "What?"

"I have to go to the south end of the school," I answered.

"Merlin, I can't protect you if you're not with me."

"I don't need anyone to protect me," I scoffed, "Seriously, I'll stay out of trouble."

"Why do you need to go?"

"Because they are coming from that way."

She turned to me, "How would you know that?"

"I just do," I leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek, "I'll be ok, so you make sure you stay ok, deal?"

Morgana sighed but relented, "Deal. See you later," she promised.

I snuck my way towards the south of the school and saw Arthur and a man talking in the field, I snuck toward where I saw Lance, he arched a brow at me and I frowned and pointed to my ear.

He whispered in my ear, "He's trying to figure out what they want. Apparently, they're looking for a rogue guide."

"A rogue guide? In our school?" I whispered back, "Since when do we have rogue guides at all?"

"I know," he shrugged, "Very strange."

"They're asking for permission to search the entire school, but Arthur is telling them that they'd have to go through the proper protocols, otherwise, they're invading our territory and putting our guides in danger, and we have every right to defend ourselves if they don't stop."

"Ah," I sensed it, a whole lot of them. I prayed and hoped they were our back up. I wanted to tell Lance, but there was no way I could tell him without giving myself away.

I took a peek and saw Arthur raise his head and smile, I crouched back down, "He's smiling," I whispered.

"He just said we got our back up," Lance sighed in relief, "Looks like this will be over without incident."

I sighed in relief, "That's good."

"Yeah, they have them surrounded now," Lance nodded, "They're backing down. They'll face steep penalties for this."

"I would assume so," I frowned, "I can't help but wonder, though, why would they go through all this trouble for just one rogue guide?"

Lance eyes widened, like he hadn't realized that might've been an important point, "Maybe the guide is promised to a sentinel?"

"But if they were promised to each other, what reason could the guide have in leaving? Guides don't leave their sentinels."

"I," he trailed off for a moment, "I don't know. It doesn't make sense."

"No, and if they were looking for a rogue guide, then why would they even need to come into the school? They could just show the authorities a picture and proof and they'd be able to find them," I furrowed my brow, "How did they manage to get all these people here anyway? They can't be from our country. How'd they pull that off?"

"I don't know, by boat maybe? For all we know, they all have tourist visas or something," he shrugged.

"And if a guide was hiding in Albion," I continued, "Why would they hide in our high school? What or who are they really looking for? Why would a guide in this day and age hide? And considering the protection laws we have, if a guide asks for refuge we legally have to provide it. They wouldn't need to hide once they're in Albion."

"Unless the guide was hiding something," Arthur answered, I looked up to see him standing over us, "Interesting conversation you two our having here."

"What would anyone have to hide so badly that they'd leave their own country and come and hide in our high school for?"

"That's all going to be looked in to by the proper authorities," Arthur sighed, "In order to keep any fighting at bay, I agreed to have all the mutes at school tested," he grimaced, "Everyone has to go back to class for now."

I stood up and stretched, "Will they go in alphabetical order? Cause if so, I won't have that long of a wait."

"I wouldn't be surprised if they did," he nodded.

"Then we'll be able to go home or what?"

"Everyone's parents have to pick them up after they're done, but yeah," he answered.

I froze, "Parents? Does it have to be parents?"

"Or guardians, we want to speak to them directly, try to answer any questions that they'll have," Arthur eyed me carefully.

"So my uncle can pick me up?" I asked.

"Don't see why not," he shrugged.

I nodded, "Guess I better call Gaius," Gwen came over to us then and hugged me, then Lance. Within a few minutes everyone ended up here and I knew I should say something.

"There's something I've been meaning to tell you guys. I know it's not the best moment, but I'm starting to run out of time."

Gwen and Lance both turned to me a frowned, "What's going on, Merlin?"

I stared at the floor, "I'm going to be moving soon."

Lance snorted, "You're so dramatic, Merlin. If you needed some help moving, you could just ask. You finally moving in with Gaius?"

My eyes got watery and I shook my head, staying quiet.

"No," Morgana whispered, "You mean, to where?"

"London, with my aunt and uncle."

"When?" Gwen broke in.

My voice broke as I spoke, "By the end of a week."

"You're moving?" Arthur added, "But we just met? How could you be moving?" he sounded extremely disappointed. Which was strange. I mean if Arthur could tell I was his guide then why wouldn't he confront me with it? Then again, maybe he couldn't tell, but part of him still knew.

"Oh Merlin, why would you keep this from us?" Lance asked, "Why are you always keeping so much to yourself? You always, always do this."

"You know I don't like burdening-"

"You are not a burden!" he yelled at me, "Fuck, Merlin! What the hell? Why wouldn't you tell me? How long have you known?"

"Not long," I frowned, "Not long at all. I," I swallowed hard, "I really wish I didn't have to go, Lance."

"Then don't!" he yelled, "Move in with me! My parent's will take you in, they love you. Come on, mate, you can't be serious about this."

"It's already been decided," I answered, "It's for the best."

"Who's best?" he grabbed my shoulders, "Certainly not yours. You said it yourself, Merlin, we're your family! You can't just leave!"

I pulled away from him and stepped back, squaring my shoulders, "What do you want me to do about it, Lance? What the hell else can I do? If you only knew what staying here for me really meant, you'd never ask me to stay!"

"What is that supposed to even mean, Merlin?!" he exclaimed, "What? More secrets!? Fucking bloody surprise coming from you, huh?! Everything's a secret with you! Heaven forbid you share anything with the people who love you, huh!?"

"I can't help it!" I yelled back, "Everyone is always fucking worried about me! How am I supposed to feel ok adding even more on to that?! Oh no, my parents haven't called! Oh Merlin is always alone at home! Oh Merlin's parents don't even bother to make sure he's fucking bloody alive! Merlin this and Merlin that! And the problems just keep adding up! They never end for Merlin! No matter what I do all I make people do is worry about me! I'm sick of it! I moved here so things could be better and I spend all of my free time by a bloody phone that never rings! I lied ok! It's been over a month! It's been over two! I don't even know if they're fucking alive at this point and I can't take it anymore!"

Lance went silent at my speech.

"Oh Merlin," I heard Gwen whisper. I started shaking, "We worry because we love you, not because we have to."

"Merlin," Morgana said, reaching out to me and turning me to her, "Please really think about this."

Morgan looked grief stricken, but I couldn't go back on my decision. Not with Arthur here. The longer I stay around him, the more I'll want to give in. I was sure eventually I'd need to leave here anyway. The sooner the better, I guess.

"Aunty and I agree," I whispered, "This isn't working for me anymore. A new environment would probably be good for me anyway. I've thought hard about this, Morgana, I really think it's for the best."

"Merlin!" I turned to see professor Aglain coming my way, "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be inside, heading to class," he paused looking at the rest of us, "All of you should be heading back, too. Quit standing around here and head back to class, all of you."

I stepped away from Morgana, blinking back the tears, "I have to go call, Gaius, so he knows to come pick me up," I said hoarsely and began walking away.

My best friend, my family, and my second half. Was I really gonna be able to leave them all behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I actually had a little question for everyone. I seem to be having trouble in deciding where the placement for the first kiss should be, before or after the shit hits the fan? Please let me know what you think!
> 
> **Update. I accidentally posted the wrong chapter. I have everything in one master sheet. Sorry!!!!!


	6. Not so easy, is it?

Gaius was unable to pick me up until later, and although everyone wanted to stay behind and wait for me, their parents, who obviously didn't know why, insisted that they leave. Eventually it was just Arthur (he insisted on staying until I left. Guess no one could say no to him) and I left and the few sentinel/guide pairs left to guard us. I was sure security around the school would be higher now, since nothing like this had happened before.

For a long while he just stood there silently by me. I found his presence near me comforting and heart wrenching all at the same time.

"Has it really been that bad that you have to move?"

His question interrupted my thoughts, almost pulling an honest answer from me. 'Not until you got here,' I wanted to say, but instead all that came out was a whispered, "Yes."

"Isn't there anything we can do to change your mind?"

'Bond with me?' was on the tip of my tongue, instead I gritted my teeth and ground out, "Is there a reason why my moving bothers you so much?"

Arthur groaned loudly, "Because I care. I know I don't know you, but that doesn't mean I can't care."

"You care about me?" I whispered.

I knew I was being ridiculous, knew it was probably the guide in me responding, but I couldn't help it, my heart felt like it was about to burst. I began tearing up and before I could even bother trying to cover it up, Arthur reached out, putting his hand on my shoulder and awkwardly saying, "Hey, it's ok. You don't have to cry."

I gasped at the contact, it's… it's rightness. It made me feel even more guilty for what I was doing. More desperate. More anger. More love. More everything.

Arthur could set my whole world in a spin with just a few words and he didn't even know it.

What the hell was happening to me? Was this even normal? Who could I even ask? Why was I having such a strong emotional reaction to him?

I shot up from my seat and walked several steps away from him. Taking deep breaths, with shaky hands I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Gaius again.

"Merlin?" he answered.

"Hey, Gaius, I was just wondering if you were on your way yet?"

"Yes, I was heading there now. Is everything ok?"

I cleared my throat, "Yeah. How's your patient?"

"He'll be fine if he takes the potions as he should."

"Good. I'll see you in a bit then."

"Yes, I'll be there soon."

"Ok. See you then," I hung up, taking another deep breath. Fuck. I haven't even told Gaius yet. I turned back around to see Arthur watching me. Our eyes locked and I hadn't realized I had moved until I was inches away from him. Arthur reached out his hands to me and I fell into his embrace without thought, laying my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms tightly around him. I sighed, breathing him in, feeling Arthur's body relax against mine, his breath on my neck, his heart beating in pattern with mine. Everything just made sense and all that mattered was him and I.

I hadn't even realized time had passed until I heard my uncle's voice break through our bubble, "Merlin?"

I felt Arthur's head shoot up and turn at the mention of my name. He still hadn't let me go, but loosened his grip enough so that I could turn my head towards him and watch him carefully assess Gaius, as if he were making sure he wasn't a threat. He was protecting me.

I slowly pulled myself away from him and turned fully towards my uncle, "Gaius," I cleared my throat, "You have to sign me out."

"I already did," he answered.

"Oh," I nodded dumbly, "Uh Right. Gaius this is Arthur. Arthur this is my uncle."

I saw Arthur visibly relax, "Ah yes, it's a pleasure to meet you," Arthur took a few steps towards him and reached out his hand.

Gaius shook it and smiled politely, "Prime Sentinel Arthur Pendragon. We've met."

"Have we?" Arthur arched his brow.

"Oh yes, I used to work for your father," he nodded, "It' no surprise you don't remember, you were 7 the last time we met."

Arthur's eyes went wide with recognition, "Are you the one who always brought me candy?"

Gaius smiled, "So you do remember."

Arthur grinned, "I always loved it when I saw you coming. It was my favorite part of the day."

"You were always a bright little one," he laughed, "Although you're not so little anymore. I didn't know you and Merlin were friends?" Gaius frowned at me, "Merlin didn't mention it."

"How would I have known that you two knew each other?" I quipped.

Arthur laughed, "Can't blame him for that, we've only just met today."

"Just today?" Gaius gave me an inquisitive look.

"Yes. It's a really short time, but I'll be sad to see him go."

"See him go?" Gaius tilted his head at me, "Go where?"

I cringed, "I was waiting for the right time to tell you."

"Oh," Arthur mumbled, looking at me.

"Tell me what, Merlin?" he asked accusingly.

"Can we talk about this at home?"

"Merlin," he said in warning.

"Please," I whispered.

"Where are you going, Merlin?"

"I'm moving back in with aunty Claurice in a week."

"You're what?!"

I looked at my shoes, "Can we go now?" I began walking to the car, but stopped when I realized he hadn't followed me. I walked back to him and the look of hurt in his eye made me feel ripped apart inside. I took his hand, "Please, Gaius," and pulled him along.

Arthur waved at me goodbye and I waved back. I managed to get us both in the car before Gaius came out of his shock, "Why?"

"You know why," I answered.

"If you're going to tell me this is about your parents, I know that's not true. Tell me the truth, Merlin."

I looked back at the school, at Arthur still standing there, "I can't."

Gaius followed my gaze, "Right. Not here then," he started the car and drove us all the way home in silence. Once he pulled into the driveway and turned off the car, he turned in his seat towards me, "Whatever it is, Merlin, whatever reason you have to hide it, I can help you."

"Gaius, I-"

"You can trust me, Merlin. I wouldn't turn you in," he sighed, "Whether you're a guide or not. I'll help you."

I looked at Gaius in shock, "You know?"

"I've had an inkling," he answered, "I just never understood why you hid it, but if that's what you want, I _will_ help you."

"Gaius," I breathed in shakily, "I _can't_ stay here. I don't want to be bonded." I couldn't believe the words that had come out of my mouth.

"You don't have to be," he answered.

I shook my head at him, tears threatening, "Gaius, he's here."

Gaius was quiet for a moment, "Sentinel Pendragon," he stated.

I nodded in confirmation.

"The prime is your…" he let out a breath of air.

"I've managed to hide it, but, I mean you saw what just happened," I explained, "I've known him for a just a few hours and I couldn't stop myself. If I stay, I won't be able to hide it."

Gaius gripped the steering wheel, "I'm sure we can find another way, Merlin, you and I we can research this. Maybe I can find a spell or a potion to help you. I'm sure we can find _something_."

I looked down at my hands, "I've looked Gaius. Through all the books you've given me. There's nothing in there that can help and the way I'm responding to Arthur. I don't even know if it's normal. It's so strong."

"Strong? What do you mean?"

"I can't even help it. The need I have to go to him, be near him, the want to tell him everything. It's so strong," I started shaking.

"I can look into that for you, Merlin," he sighed, "You don't have access to the information I have. Let me look into what I can do for you to help you. Give me a chance to help you before you decide to leave."

I looked out the car window, "I don't know what will happen to me if anyone finds out."

Gaius frowned, "What do you mean, Merlin? What are you so afraid of?"

"I," I took a deep breath and looked back at Gaius, "I'm not just a guide, Gaius."

Gaius frowned, confusion marring his face, "What are you talking about?"

"I'mawizardtoo," I said in a rush.

Gaius watched me for a moment before saying, "A wizard guide?"

I nodded silently. "How is that even," he trailed off, "So that's why you wanted books on both."

"Yeah," I frowned, "I've never heard of anyone else like this. I got scared when I found out, because I didn't know what would happen to me, so I hid it and I never wanted to be bonded anyway. I thought it would be ok, but then Arthur showed up."

"We will figure something out," Gaius answered, "I will figure something out, you don't have to leave. In the meantime, you have to try and keep your distance from Arthur."

I gave Gaius a wary look and nodded, "Well, it'll have to be soon, because I don't think I _can_ keep my distance from him."

Gaius nodded, "Ok. Go on inside. I will do some research and find out what I can. I will call you tomorrow."

I nodded, "Thank you, Gaius."

Gaius smiled at me, "It will all be ok, Merlin."

We said our goodbyes and Gaius drove off. After talking with Gaius, I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I'd been hiding this on my own for so long I hadn't realized how worn out I'd started to feel. How lonely it could be. I hadn't had anyone I could talk to about it, share my fears with, ask questions freely to. Now, I had Gaius and he was so knowledgeable, I was sure in time he could teach all sorts of things. Fill in all the gaps of information I was missing. Like what did it actually take to bond? Were there more things I could do with my empathy than what I knew? And what about all the spells I had yet to be able to learn?

I made a sandwich and took a shower. The day had been long and I was exhausted, but just as I was about to lay down my doorbell rang. I looked at the clock, it _was_ only 730, but still I hadn't expected anyone to come by. I made my way to the door and saw everyone standing on the other side.

Opening it, I looked at all my friends, "Guys?"

Morgana was the first to run up to me and hug me. I hugged her back, "Merlin, you _can't_ go. You just can't."

"Why don't you all come in first?" I said, letting her go.

Everyone piled inside my living room and sat, all eyes on me, "Yeah ok. I know it sucks guys, but for now it might be a good thing. I never said I wouldn't come back or visit or talk to you guys."

Lance was the first to speak, "I'm sorry for yelling at you in school. I was just so shocked I couldn't believe it."

"I know. I don't hold it against you," I sighed, "I'm pretty surprised myself and it's all happening so fast."

"Too fast," Gwaine added, " _Way, way_ too fast. I mean a week, Merlin? _Really?_ That's all the time we have? You're not even giving us a chance to wrap our heads around this and you're leaving just like that?"

"He's right, this isn't even close to being fair," Gwen chimed in, "It doesn't even make sense. I know you like to keep things to yourself, but I think this is a bit much. Can't you tell us what's really going on?"

"No," I said blankly, "I can't. I wish I could, but I can't."

"So there really is something else then?" Mordred asked.

"Yeah," I sighed, "I mean the thing with my parents kills me and I am sick of living here alone. I didn't think it would be like this when I agreed to it, but that's not the entire thing," I answered honestly. I couldn't lie to them anymore, not if I was leaving, but I couldn't tell them everything either.

Lance groaned, "Ugh why can't you tell us?"

I shrugged, "Because I really don't know what the repercussions to that would be. Not that I don't trust you guys to keep a secret, but this is a little different. This is something that may or may not get you guys in trouble and I can't risk that. If shite hits the fan, I don't want you guys ending up covered in it."

"Eww," Morgana scrunched up her nose, "But if you tell us, maybe we can help."

"There's really nothing that can be done about it," I shrugged, "It's not something that can be changed or anything. It just is."

"It just is," Elyan repeated, "That sounds kind of final."

I stopped, breathing in. The truth in his words hit me. It _is_ final. I am a guide and a wizard and no matter what I do to try and hide it, it'll always be true. I thought of Arthur and again I was second guessing myself. Do I really need to hide it? Run away? I'll always be running if I do this, even if he doesn't find out, Arthur was bound to me. The way he reacted to me proved it. The way _I_ reacted to him prove it. There's no guarantee that he won't find a reason to come to London and the chances are we will meet again. If I'm his guide, and if in some way he can sense it, then it's not completely out of realm of possibilities that he might even follow me and if he did, how much longer could I fight it? Did I even really want to? Then again did I really want to be bound to someone I didn't even know for the rest of my life? Have to ask for permission to do anything I wanted? Ask for permission to what I studied in college or even which college I want to go to? I could just imagine how well _that_ would go. I didn't know. I didn't know what I wanted or what to think. Or how any of this was going to play out.

"Yeah," I sniffed, "Fuck. It really is. It is and I don't even know what to do about it or what I want or anything and if I stay here I won't have any time to even _try_ and figure it out. I _need_ time. This is my only way of getting it."

"Well, maybe if you told us what it is, we could help you figure it out," Lance stood up, "We're your best mates, Merlin, we'll stand by you. Just tell us, we can help you."

I looked at Lance, "I know you would, but at least for now, it's better if I keep it to myself. Trust me, ok? I'm sure I will tell you guys, but for now just trust me on this."

I stood up and stepped towards Lance, "I know what I'm doing."

Lance frowned, "I trust you, but I still don't think leaving is a good idea, but I will stand by you. Even if I think you're being a git and making a bad decision. You better come back AND you better call and everything AND I'm using this as leeway to pick on you as much as possible until you leave, just so you know."

I grinned at Lance and gave him a hug, he hugged me back and as we let go, Mordred stood too, "I concur." He and I hugged too, "It's gonna suck not having you here."

Gwaine threw his arms around us both, "Group hug! Everyone loves the stupid git called Merlin!" Stupidly enough everyone did join in and afterwards, things really did feel more settled, calmer. We fell into our easy comforts with a few more hugs and tears than usual. Not surprisingly, my stash of ice cream and crap food disappeared within an hour. Everything was going ok, but a part of me couldn't believe that I was even thinking of giving any of this up. Giving the easy laughs and jokes up. The comfort of my friends. Everything they mean to me and right now they were just a phone call away. How was I going to survive without them? Without this?

My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell going off. I looked at everyone strangely, "If you're all here," I trailed off and frowned, "Who on earth…?"

"Hmm," Mordred contemplated, "Maybe not earth, maybe someone from Jupiter?"

"Right," I nodded, "Makes perfect sense." I got up and walked towards the door and looked through the peep hole. My breath caught at the sight, "What is this?"

"What is what?" Gwen shot out.

"Merlin?" I heard through the door.

"It's Arthur," Elyan answered, "He really came?"

"What?" I stomped back towards them, "You knew he was coming?"

"He called me," Lance replied, "Said he needed to talk to you and asked for your address, I figured it would be ok, but when he didn't show up I didn't think he was coming and well I forgot."

"You forgot?" I scoffed, "You forgot that you told the prime alpha sentinel my home address and told him he could show up anytime he wanted to? Really, Lance? _Really?_ "

The doorbell rang again and a muffled voice responded, "You guys do know I can hear you, right? F.Y.I. this is ridiculously rude."

"Ahh!" I shouted and stomped back to the door, opening it quickly, "Right! Right! You!" I pointed at him, "Are at my house," I said stupidly.

"Yes," he laughed, "And if you won't mind, I'd like to come to in."

"Right," I nodded, "Yes, well I guess it _would_ be rude to leave you standing out here, but since I have no manners to speak off, I'm not sure if I can invite you in."

Arthur rolled his eyes and grinned, "I guess I'll invite myself in then. Problem solved," he said taking a step towards me, becoming almost flush against me. My heart stuttered as I looked into his eyes, "Yeah, problem solved," I whispered.

"What're you two doing?" Gwen broke in. I jumped back and looked at her, "Being idiots," I answered breathily, "It's kind of what I do best."

Gwen eyed Arthur and I, "Yeah, that's true enough sometimes."

"Follow her, I guess," I said and closed the door as he walked away. I took a deep breath and followed them into the living room. What the hell? What was Arthur Pendragon doing standing in my freaking living room? How the hell am I supposed to stay away from him if he keeps showing up everywhere?

"Hey, mate," Lance said from the couch.

"Hey," Arthur smiled, "Long time no see guys."

"I might be a little late giving this warning," I said from behind him, "But these people are obsessed with me. Never leave me alone," I sighed, "It's a real problem, honestly, can't seem to get rid of 'em."

Gwaine snorted, "Oh please, don't let him fool you. Don't think he'd know what to do if we weren't around to bust on him on a consistent basis."

"Yes, yes," Mordred added, "He feeds off of our obsession."

"Mmm, it's delicious," I nodded, "And surprisingly sustaining."

Arthur turned to me and grinned, "You have very strange eating habits, Merlin. First you're a playboy, then you feed off people. You aren't _actually_ human are you?"

"I'm the last survivor," I squinted my eyes, "Last of the Jupertanians. My people are very different from your kind."

Arthur laughed, "Good to know. Will you be feeding off of me then?"

I tapped my finger to my chin, "I really haven't decided yet," scrunching my face, "What if you taste terrible?"

Arthur arched a brow, "I can assure you I'm most definitely good enough to eat."

I gaped at him, "What did you just say?"

"Did he just hit on him?!" Gwaine yelled, "What? Wait! What?!"

"I, uh, have a feeling we've missed something here," Lance added.

"Tell me about it," Morgana agreed.

"Alright," Arthur laughed, "I can see how that may have come out wrong," he winced, "It sounded a lot better in my head."

"You mean to tell me that _wasn't_ just a terrible come on?" I laughed too, "No wonder you fit right in with us."

He grinned, "I do, huh?"

"Congratulations," I nodded, "This means you've been officially inaugurated."

"Inaugurated, to what?" he furrowed his brow in confusion.

"To be a knight of Camelot, of course," I nodded, "It's a very privileged club."

"A knight of Camelot?" he questioned.

Mordred snickered, "Are we allowed to haze him? Please tell me we're allowed."

"'Course you are," I answered and looked at Arthur, "It's tradition."

"Tradition?" Arthur looked around, "What are you guys talking about?"

"It's a club these two preschoolers started when they first met," Gwen answered, rolling her eyes.

"Hey! You better be careful, young lady, with that kind of talk, we might have to revoke your membership," Mordred replied.

"You can't revoke my membership, I'm your treasurer."

"Not just any club," Elyan stood up and crossed his arms, "It's a _secret_ club. Which means it's not just double cool, it's _triple_ cool. Only the elite of elite of noble bloods are allowed to enter."

"Oh I see," Arthur answered, "I feel honored, but what is the club exactly? And why is it called the Knights of Camelot?"

"A long time ago," Gwaine answered, "In a galaxy far, far away Albion used to be called Camelot. With a king and knights and all that jazz."

"Gaius gave me a book about it," I explained, "Mordred and I liked the idea so much that we created the club. Slowly, it grew."

"Basically, we just hang out in the woods and find secret caves and stuff to plant our mark in," Lance replied, "It's a lot of fun."

"Yes, but there _will_ be hazing first!" Mordred exclaimed, "I'm vice prez! Mr. Pendragon! You must be hazed! Do you accept the conditions of your membership?"

Arthur looked at me and I smiled encouragingly, he grinned, "'Course I do."

"Yes! Let the hazing begin!" Mordred grinned.

"Mordred you are _far_ too excited about this," Morgana got up and kissed his cheek, "It's kind of cute."

Mordred arched his eyebrow, "Are you going to help me plan what we're gonna make him do?"

"Yeah," she grinned, "We must torture all new comers."

Mordred put his arms around her, "Did I ever tell you how much of an amazing girlfriend you are?"

"Not for the past hour," she smiled at him.

"Ugh! Get a room you two!" Elyan complained.

Mordred turned to look at him, "I don't know, Arthur might want it so Merlin could eat him privately."

I scrunched my face, "I don't even know what that means, but it definitely sounds disturbing."

"I'm not sure I'd be into that either," Arthur looked at me and shrugged, "But I do still want to talk to you privately."

"Not sure how going into a room to talk to you would help, considering there are two other sentinels in the house," I looked at Lance and Elyan, "Not sure how private that would be."

"Unfortunately, it's getting late, dad is going to be here to pick Lance, Elyan and me soon," Gwen answered.

"And I have to get Mordred and Gwaine home too," Morgana added, "Looks like you two will have all the privacy you'll need."

"Still not fair that you're the only one of us with a car," Elyan frowned, "How'd you get so lucky?"

"My mother is awesome," she grinned, "Come on then! Let's go. These guys need to "talk"," she grinned, winking at me.

I groaned, "Ugh, now you got them all thinking strange things about us. Great. It'll be months before they let this go."

Lance laughed and put his arm around my shoulder, "I'm sure in a few months this'll be funny for you too. In the meantime, you can blame Arthur for his slip of the tongue there. I'll talk to you tomorrow, mate."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Yeah, whatever. See you tomorrow." Lance squeezed my shoulder and then Gwen gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, "You two would make a fine couple," she giggled and swatted my hand away when I tried to pinch her, "Hush you!" I told her.

Morgana gave me a bear hug, "I'll see you in school tomorrow."

"Yeah," I hugged her back just as hard. Mordred stuck his hand out to me, "I'm too manly for hugs," he stated. I rolled my eyes and pulled him to me, "Stop being a git or I'll sic your girlfriend on you."

" _Please_ don't," he whispered.

I let him go and grinned at him, "Then behave." He grinned and rolled his eyes, "Yes, dad."

Gwaine gave me a side hug and sighed, "See you tomorrow, mate."

And Elyan gave me another bear hug, "Goodnight, Merlin."

It was an odd feeling, but I felt like I was saying goodbye to them for the last time. It felt so ominous. I shuddered as I followed them to the door.

"Later, Arthur," Lance said as he trotted out.

"Have a goodnight," Gwen added and they all left. I closed the door and leaned my head against it. I didn't realized Arthur had come up behind me until he placed his hand on my neck, I leaned into his touch and sighed.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this," I whispered.

Arthur took my hand and turned me around, "You don't have to," he placed his hand on my cheek, "You could stay here with us. Whatever is going on, we could help you. _I_ could help you. I'm sure of it."

I looked into Arthur's eyes, "Part of me really wants to take you up on your offer, but there isn't anything anyone can do and I haven't figured out what I should do yet. I just can't stay here while I make that decision."

Arthur let me go and frowned, "That doesn't really make any sense, Merlin."

"I know," I answered, "But I can't say much else right now."

Arthur sighed and looked around, "Well, let's put a pin on that one for now then," he turned around and walked into the living room. He seemed to be inspecting things as he walked around. Picking things up and putting them down. Slowly making his way around the entire room, then turning into the hallway. I followed him and saw him stop on the third door. The door to my room, "Arthur?"

"Do you mind?" he said looking at me.

"Um I guess not," I shrugged, "Though it's kind of messy. Don't know if that'll be ok with your senses. I've never bothered to keep my place sentinel clean, you know, and right now there aren't any guides around."

He gave me a soft smile, "I think I'll be ok. Doesn't smell bad to me at all."

"I guess I should take that as a compliment?"

"It's the best kind of compliment," he grinned at me, "It means you have a sentinel approved smell. We have a sensitive nose; I'll have you know."

"Like a dog?" I grinned back, "F.Y.I. I don't think Lance or Elyan agree with your approval."

He rolled his eyes, "Obviously, they don't know what they're talking about. Trust me, I'm the prime alpha," he opened the door and stepped in.

"Right," I nodded, "And that means you're right about everything and not crazy at all."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I like the way you smell. It's spicy, earthy, and just a little bit sweet."

"How romantic," I muttered, taking a step into the room. Arthur opened his eyes and looked at me, "Would you like that, Merlin?" he took a step towards me, "If I were romantic towards you, would you want that?"

My eyes went wide with surprise, "What?"

He closed his eyes, "Sorry," and took a step back, "I don't understand what's going on."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed, "With you. With me. I," he paused, taking a deep breath, "I've never acted this way before."

"You mean like what happened at school?"

"I've never felt this drawn to anyone before, Merlin," he sat on my bed and steepled his fingers, "Ever since I met you, all I can do is think about you. All day today, that's all I did. The way you smell, the way you look, the way you sound, the way your heart beats and I don't know why."

I looked down at my shoes, swallowing hard, "Me too."

"You've been thinking about yourself that much too?"

"What? No I meant," I looked up to see him smirking, "You know what I meant," I said smiling, "You arse."

"Come on," he said patting the bed, "To be honest, I'm kind of glad to hear I'm not the only one feeling this."

"Yeah," I sat down, "It doesn't make it any less crazy."

He placed his hand on mine, "Especially seeing as I'm a sentinel."

I looked at his hand, as he traced circles on my palm, "What do you mean?"

He sighed, "Well to be honest, I've never heard of a sentinel reacting so strongly to someone who wasn't their guide. Even then, though, I've never heard of sentinel feeling this intensely towards a guide either. I mean don't get me wrong, it's always a strong pull and maybe I'm wrong, but the way I feel about you it's way more than I've ever heard anyone describe."

"Arthur," I whispered, "Fuck, Arthur. I'm leaving in a week."

"I can move to London," he answered.

"You're supposed to be looking for your guide."

"That can wait."

"Your guide can wait?" I said skeptically, "You've been going all over the country trying to find him or her."

"That's just because of my father," he shrugged, "I can talk to him about putting it off or maybe working something else out."

I stood up and paced the room, "Arthur are you listening to yourself? Do you even know what you're saying? Your telling me that you'll stop looking for your guide and follow me to London? Do you realize how insane that is? You are a sentinel!"

"I can't help the way I feel, Merlin."

"And I can't let you do this."

"Merlin."

"Arthur, I think you should go," I said shaking my head.

He stood up and said, "Let's talk about this."

"No, I need to think and I think you need to be doing the same," I answered.

Arthur looked defeated as he followed me to the front door, "I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

"Yeah."

He turned to me and placed his hand on my cheek, "Can you at least promise me we'll talk more about this before you leave."

I nodded, "I promise."

I closed the door and found myself leaning on it a second time. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He can't tell. He can't tell what I am, but that doesn't stop him from coming to me. Following me. Me following him. He feels it just as strongly as I do. He's only known me for a day. ONE. DAY. And he's planning on following me wherever I go? Changing all his plans. Giving up on looking for guides. Well, I guess the latter makes sense, but still. He didn't _know_ I was his guide so how can he just give up looking for one?

What the hell was I going to even do? I groaned and made my way to bed. Did I really have to make him leave? Yes, I did. Of course, I did. I closed my eyes and growled. How the hell was I going to survive school tomorrow?

I closed my eyes, wishing it all away. Wishing I could go back to things being simpler. Wishing I could lay in Arthur's arms.

Fuck.

Scratch all that.

I just wished I could sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet this chapter makes more sense now >_>


	7. Didn't see that coming, did you Merlin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ping! The votes are in and I finally had some time to type all of this up and edit it. Hope you all enjoy this one! (I swear it's the right chapter this time, too)

Another day, another opportunity to get caught. I was well aware I was walking an extremely thin line here and I was more than close to crossing it. I really wish I could've stayed home from school, but it's my last few days with my friends and I'm a complete moron, so on to school!

Maybe, I could ask Gaius to pull me out for a month, now that he knows… Who am I kidding? After yesterday, I should know Arthur would show up on my doorstep with bells on. And me, being the complete asshat that I am, fucking invites him to join our club. Because I'm just _that_ much of a fucking bloody genius. It's like I'm asking to get caught, but when he's around, I can't help myself. The words just fly out of my mouth. Bye sanity! Addio! Au revoir! Sayo-fucking-nara!

At this point my options were bleak and getting bleaker by the second. I should've never told Arthur I was going to London, but I hadn't thought he'd be willing to drop everything and run blindly after me. I don't know how, but I should've known. The day I first saw him at the dance, I'd been ready to say fuck it and run right to him and every day after that, I'd been thinking of the doing the same thing. How could I have thought that he wouldn't have felt it as well?

I sighed loudly as I made my way to the steps. At first, I thought I'd avoid it, but the whole purpose of me coming to school was to see my friends and, yeah, I wanted to see the stupid git who's turned my life upside down too.

I stopped right as I rounded the corner, seeing them all there, talking amongst themselves, probably about me this time, I smiled. These people were my home and I had to enjoy them before I lost them.

I grinned and waved at all of them as I got closer, "Good morning, my pretties!"

Mordred grinned, "Good! You're here. We were just discussing making Arthur run down the street in his boxers. Want to give us the approval, mister president?"

"Hmm," I contemplated his question for a moment, "How about smashing an egg on his forehead first, _then_ make him run down the street in his boxers. What do you think?"

"YES!" Lance laughed, "I vote hell yes to the egg!"

"Seriously?" Arthur groaned, "That's just mean."

"I approve as well," Mordred smirked, "That's an even better plan."

"I am sooo going to record that," Gwaine snickered.

"Buck up," Gwen laughed, "We all had to go through the hazing bit. I had to walk around a whole day at school with clown make-up. It was terrible!"

"And they made _me_ go on a date with Nelson," Morgana added, "And, trust me when I say that kid _really_ needed a shower. I never even knew someone could have that bad b.o. issues."

Elyan clapped his hands, "This is going to be awesome."

I laughed, "I remember that. It was great, he tried to kiss her and she almost threw up. Fucking hilarious."

Arthur shook his head, "You're terrible, terrible people, you know that?"

"We're well aware," Morgana grinned, "It's what makes us so interesting."

"Should we do it tonight?" Elyan asked.

"Oh yes!" I answered, "I most definitely need to be a witness to this as soon as possible."

"Sweet!" Gwaine grinned, "Everyone meet at Merlin's place at 6:30 for the show!"

"Yes and bring snacks," I agreed, "You guys ate all of mine yesterday."

"Definitely," Elyan chuckled, "I'm going to want some snacks for this."

Arthur raised his hand to his face, "I'm so going to regret this."

"Hell yeah, you are," I acknowledged, looking around and whistling, "Lots of guards here now, huh?"

"It's for everyone's protection," Arthur answered, "After yesterday's events, it can't be helped. They still haven't figured out what had gotten into those people and don't want to take any chances. Even flew some more in last night to make sure everyone was safe."

I nodded, "It's just so strange to see them all here. Albion has always been a peaceful place. Don't think we've ever had a need for these many guards before."

"You can say that again," Mordred affirmed, "I hope they figure out what's going on. With these many sentinels here, I really don't know how much privacy we're going to get. Going home last night, we must've passed 6 squad cars alone and I heard they're thinking of implementing a curfew if anything happens again."

"I hope nothing happens," I grinned, "I really don't want anyone getting in the way of tonight's plan."

"If you haven't realized it yet, Merlin here is quite the philanthropist," Mordred explained, "He's always so worried about everyone else."

Lance snorted, "Oh yeah, he's not the selfish git he appears to be at all."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, because everyone else here wasn't thinking the exact same thing."

The bell rang, "Yay. Class," Elyan said sarcastically, "How exciting."

"Oh yeah," Lance added, "Learning is soo much fun."

"You better not slack," Gwen warned, "Trying to tutor you is a headache."

Morgana threw her arms around Mordred, "I'm glad I don't have to worry about that with mine."

"I _wish_ I could slack," Mordred sighed, "The rents are so strict. Anything less than an A and I'm grounded."

"All work and no play, makes Mordred a dull boy," I said.

"Seriously though," Mordred responded, "These AP classes suck."

"Tell me about it," I groaned, "All these freaking projects and essays kill me and it only gets better. Trust me. Why the hell did I ever agree to this torture?"

"Med school, remember?" Gwen answered.

"Screw that. I'm just going to drop out, move to America, and become a rodeo clown."

Lance laughed, "Now _that_ , I want to see."

I punched him on his arm as we started making our way inside, "Don't make fun of my rodeo dreams!"

Elyan laughed, "You're nuts, Merlin."

"And that's the way you all like it," I affirmed.

We all waved bye as most of us split up to go to our classes.

I considered my not tackling Arthur to the ground and kissing him senseless a success for this morning, because, yeah, the thought crossed my mind more times than I'd like to admit, and, to be honest, fighting myself _that_ much this morning was already making me feel a little worn. Two days in and already I was going back on my word. Keeping myself away from him was going to break me apart if something didn't change soon. Last an entire week? I didn't know if I could even last till the end of the day. Yeah, I was most definitely fucked.

As I was walking to my third class of the day another alarm went off with same warning as yesterday, "ALL STUDENTS MUST REPORT TO THE NEAREST BUILDING. ALL STUDENTS MUST REPORT TO THE NEAREST BUILDING AVAILABLE. DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON. SENTINELS AND GUIDES PLEASE FOLLOW ALL GUIDELINES FOR CODE 3211. WIZARDS PLEASE FOLLOW ALL GUIDELINES FOR CODE 1601. THIS IS NOT A DRILL."

What the hell was going on? Didn't we have all these guards in school to prevent exactly this? I made my way out of the building as quickly as I could and trying my best to not run into the rush of students that were barreling all over the place.

I began sprinting towards the middle of the school like I did yesterday, but stopped short when I heard a sudden voice yell out, "I can't fucking believe this!"

I turned in recognition of the voice and saw Arthur marching towards the south of the school. I hurried up to catch up to him, but before I could reach him another guard took his hand.

"You must calm yourself, Sentinel Pendragon. We can't risk you falling into a zone or becoming feral."

Arthur jerked away from him and answered with a growl, "Twice! Twice these people have dared to intrude into _my_ territory and you think I'm going to remain calm about this?"

I hesitated before I took the last few steps towards him and placed my hand on his arm, Arthur's demeanor softened immediately as he turned to me, "Merlin?"

I frowned and looked around, "What's going on?"

He sighed, "Some of the people captured last night escaped, and two were caught at the edge of the school. The last was caught near the highway, apparently, attempting to leave."

"They came here again?" I huffed, "Rather insistent, aren't they? Is everyone safe then?"

"Yes, everyone's fine," Arthur shook his head, "The alarm is a precautionary measure at this point."

"How on earth did they escape?"

Arthur's body went rigid and he reached out and pulled me near him, "We think they may have had some inside help," he whispered in my ear.

I blushed at the contact, "Is that why you're so upset?"

He gave me a slight tilt of the head as an answer and I asked, "And you still have no idea as to why they're here looking for a guide?"

Arthur nuzzled my neck and sighed, "We have some theories. Sorry, I'm not able to share them with you."

I shuddered and pulled him closer, "Secret official sentinel business then?"

A heard a muffled, "Mhm," and I smiled, "Does this mean I won't be seeing you in your boxers tonight?"

Arthur laughed into my neck and said, "Yeah, curfew, but I _could_ still give you a private viewing if you'd like."

"Not _that_ was definitely a terrible come on," I chuckled.

"Did it work?"

"The verdict is still up on that one."

"Well, at least it wasn't an immediate failure."

"I'm sure it would be if I were human, but us Jupertanians have strange taste."

"And are apparently fairly indecisive."

"Guess you got me on that one," I sighed, "Can't be helped though, not every day I get hit on by a sentinel."

"Not every day I _want_ to hit on a mute, either," he sighed and let me go, "Thank you. I feel better now."

I saluted him, "Glad to be of service, Sentinel Pendragon."

He arched a brow at me, "Aren't you supposed to be heading inside?"

I shrugged, "I'm not really the type to follow all the rules."

He grinned, "I've noticed," he turned to a guard and said, "Let the teachers know Merlin is with me."

The guard looked me up and down, "Full name?"

"Merlin Ambrosius," I answered, noticing then that there were a lot of guards looking at us. Fuck. Had we really been hugging in the middle of school in front of everyone?

"You're already out here so you might as well just stay with me," he said interrupting my thoughts, "Ambrosius, is it?

"I thought you said I was a distraction and you couldn't protect me."

"I never said I _couldn't_ protect you," he huffed, "I'm more than capable."

"Yeah, so am I," I rolled my eyes, "Not denying the distraction bit then?"

"No point in that," he shrugged, "To me, you are _very_ distracting."

He stopped and began a conversation with a guard too quietly for me to hear. I waited a few minutes until he seemed immersed in the conversation before I did a quick scan, I didn't _feel_ any malicious emotions, but I wasn't entirely sure that I was getting the whole picture. There were too many new variables, all these guards I didn't know were making things muddy for me. If it were just my regular school mates and teachers I'd be able to identify everyone within a few seconds. Categorize them and file them, but I didn't know any of these new people and I was too afraid one of the guard guides would identify me if I didn't tread lightly. At this rate, scanning for any possible threats without going too deep or breaking through any shields would be impossible without getting caught and right now that was _not_ an option.

I looked at Arthur. Well it is an option, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea … Or maybe it is a good idea and I'm just insane. Thinking back on a few minutes ago, it seemed like the best idea, but I didn't know if I was thinking straight or not. I really didn't seem to be doing any logical thinking when Arthur was involved.

I groaned loudly and began pacing, successfully making Arthur stop short in his sentence and turn to me.

I said, "Can I go look for my friends? I want to check on them."

"Ok," he nodded, "You have to stay with them though. They're at the center of the school."

"I figured," taking a pause, "Guess that means I can't run off looking for you after I make sure they're ok?"

"How about I text you if I move?"

"That works," I agreed, "See you in a bit then."

I waved bye and took off to the center, relieved I thought of a plausible excuse for my behavior, but extremely frustrated in not being able to find a solution for my problem. How could I be of any use without exposing myself?

The truth is I probably couldn't. My best bet might be seeing what Gwen or Gwaine could read off of them, but knowing Gwen she'd see as trying to read them as an intrusion. Great for privacy, not so good in trying to find a threat. Gwaine might be more for it, given the current circumstances. At this point, I had to take what I could get.

I sprinted the rest of the way to the center, finding my friends already in a deep discussion.

"Hey," I said slightly breathless.

"Merlin?" Lance questioned.

"Chill. I got permission to be here this time," I answered defensively.

"From who exactly?" Gwen arched a brow.

"The supreme ruler," I answered, "Also known as Arthur. He had a guard inform the teachers."

"As if you wouldn't have shown up either way," Mordred smirked.

I grinned at him, "You know it."

"Did he tell you what happened?" Gwaine asked.

"Yes," I nodded, "Actually had a question for you and Gwen."

"What is it?" Gwen asked.

"Well Arthur said they may have had a guy on the inside, so I was wondering if there was any way either of you could use your empathy to suss out any suspicious guards in the school," I frowned, "If they have connections then there is no telling where they may have them planted. They may have someone helping them here, too."

"Already tried," Gwaine answered, "The guards seem ok as far as we can tell, but they have way more experience than us and are already bonded. Even if we managed to break through their barriers, we wouldn't get very far."

This information stunned me. I couldn't say I had a lot of experience breaking through shields, but bonded or not, experienced or not, I _had_ done it before. A few times, almost got caught each time, but still I managed to do it. How could my friends who were being trained to use their empathy not be able to do it as well?

"Oh," was all I could say, "Anyone have any other ideas?"

"Not at this point," Morgana sighed, "None of this makes any sense. It's all so strange."

"I still don't see how a rogue guide would be in our school," Mordred frowned, "I mean are they a student or something?"

I looked at Mordred blankly for a moment, "Yes!" I answered, "Yes, of course they are. They'd have to be. It makes sense."

"What are you talking about Merlin? How does that make sense?" Elyan asked.

"To have to work here, everyone has to go through an extensive background check, but students? All you need is some paperwork and an adult. If the guide has someone to help, then why not? Enrolling in school would help blend in. Provide a good cover," I sighed, "It's so obvious."

"Merlin, all mutes get tested yearly until they're 21," Gwen explained, "So unless this is some highly trained guide, I highly doubt they'd be able to get away with it."

"T-that can't be true," I stuttered, "Guides used to hide all the time. Even the books you guys lent me had information about it."

"Yes," Gwen agreed, "But all those guides were kept hidden and trained for years until they could do it properly."

"W-what?" I said dumbly. My head was spinning again; I was nowhere near highly trained. Actually I had no training at all and I'd been hiding since I first presented. What she was saying didn't make any sense.

"Well there are exceptions to every rule," Gwaine chimed in, "They're rare, but there are guides who are stronger than most, some that are naturals when it comes to controlling their empathy. Hardly need any training at all. I mean it's unlikely, but it's possible."

"Maybe that's why they're so adamant in finding this guide," Lance added, "It's a good theory."

"Yeah," agreed Mordred, "But that's all it is. Just a theory. We have no evidence pointing in either direction and if we're just going to throw conjectures around then we might as well say he owns a donkey and goes by Billy and lives in Merlin's attic."

Elyan snorted, "Why does Merlin always gets wrapped up in your stories?"

"I think it's because I've spent too much time with him," Mordred answered.

Brilliant! My friends are joking around while I'm in the middle of having a full blown panic attack. What. The. Hell?

"Merlin, do you have a rogue guide living in your attic?" Elyan asked breaking into a laugh.

"I," I paused, "Need to go to the loo," I turned and ran like a madman to the restrooms.

A very small part of me registered that I was having a meltdown for the second time within 4 days and should probably be consulting someone about that, but a bigger part of me was unable to wrap my mind against anything concrete at all. I was gripping my hair and breathing hard, grateful that no one had felt the need to join me in here. I closed the door and locked it with shaky hands. Fuck.

This didn't make any sense. So now what? I'm not just a one-of-a-kind wizard guide. I'm a guide who's a natural? Powerful? Something?

According to them, I had to be. Gaius! Call Gaius!

No! I said stopping myself. Too many sentinels, someone might over hear. I needed to calm down. I heard a knock on the door.

"Somebody in there?"

I forced myself to take slower breaths and counted to 100 as I did. I couldn't let anyone sense my emotions. More knocking, "Are you ok in there?"

I washed my face and slowly walked to the door. "Sorry," I said unlocking the door to a guide-sentinel pair of guards, "I thought my stomach was taking a turn for the worse and I hadn't wanted anyone walking in, but I guess I was wrong."

The sentinel eyed me warily as the guide answered, "I suppose that could've been what I sensed."

"Yeah, I suppose," I shrugged, "I don't really get how that thing you guys do works."

"Our empathy, you mean," the guide answered.

"Right, that," I shrugged again, "Not a lot of education for us mutes about it. Someone should probably correct that."

"Well alright. Carry on then," the guide answered, "But keep the door unlocked."

"No need," I placed my hand on my stomach, "Done here." I walked off, feeling a breeze hit my face and feeling the world steady itself. It was going to be alright. I mean so what if I could do things my friends couldn't? That didn't mean anything. So what if they said I was rare? So what if I was an _even_ bigger abnormality than I'd first thought? So fucking what?

It didn't change anything. It didn't change who I was or what I did or anything else. All it meant was that I had even more of a reason to keep this to myself and definitely talk more with Gaius about everything. Have a long conversation with him, before I have another breakdown. I finally calmed myself fully and made my way back to everyone, spotting a very concerned looking Arthur amongst my friends.

"Merlin! There you are!" He said as I approached.

"Here I am," I answered back.

"We were just telling Arthur about our theory," Lance said excitedly, "He said he couldn't get into it, but we're heading in the right direction."

"Even about Billy the donkey student who lives in my attic?" I arched a brow, "Really didn't think we were _that_ clever."

"They hadn't told me that part yet," Arthur answered. Arthur must've sense something from me because he then reached his hand to my cheek, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I answered, quickly stepping away, "I'm just reeling from the fact that our school, our town, has been basically invaded twice in two days."

I saw a hint of disappointment flash through his face, before his expression hardened and he dropped his hand, "We _will_ keep everyone safe."

"By keeping secrets from everyone?" I sneered, "How's that working for you?"

"Merlin!" Gwen yelled.

"This is just so odd," I ignored her and continued, "Even more odd that this started happening after _you_ showed up." I knew I should probably stop myself from saying the rest, but I couldn't stop myself. All my anger and my frustration, everything, was just bubbling up and I couldn't reel any of it in, "It's kind of like these two things are connected. What reason did you say you were sticking around for?"

"Are you trying to say I had something to do with all of this?"

"Do you really expect me to believe that you had no prior knowledge to everything that was going on here?"

"I never said I didn't," he gritted out, "What're you accusing me of?"

"Nothing," I answered, "It just all seems too convenient and since you won't tell us anything, then at this point I don't know what to believe."

"I'm not telling you because I can't. It's for your own safety."

"I don't need anyone to protect me and I definitely don't need anyone deciding what I should and should not know about the things affecting my own home," I huffed, "For all you know, not telling us could put us in more danger. Did you even bother to think about that?"

"This is sentinel business," he growled, "You wouldn't understand."

"I understand more than you think," I spit out, "And if you think it's ok to not tell us anything, when _we're_ the ones being affected by all of this, then that just goes to show how ignorant of a person you really are."

"You have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Yeah! Because you won't tell me! Hence, my point! We have the right to know!"

"I'm doing what I have to protect my territory!"

"Fuck your territory! This is _my_ home! These are _my_ people! We have the right to know what's going on!"

" _You're_ home?! You're leaving anyway! What do you care?!"

"Fuck you! I'm leaving because I _have_ to, not because I want to and if you think there's a chance in hell I'm going to let you leave my family and my friends to face anything without all the facts then you have another thing coming!"

I must've somehow hit Arthur's last nerve, because the next thing I know, he reaches his hands out to me and takes hold of my cheeks, crashing his lips onto mine.

The kiss itself was crude and a bit rough, but it was perfect, sending tingles throughout my entire body. All I could think of was more, more, more. I wanted more of him. Needed it. Didn't know how could I survive a second without it.

It all ended too quickly and I almost cried out at the loss of contact. Arthur gave me a wistful look and I couldn't help but notice the flicker of his eyes to my lips.

I shuddered, feeling the heat growing on my face and I felt completely frozen where I stood. Arthur must've been feeling something similar, because he didn't move either and we were both breathing just as heavily.

"Ok," Lance broke the silence, "Ok. What the hell just happened?"

I tore my eyes away from him and looked at Lance for a few minutes before finally my brain decided to restart and I was able to finally answer, "I think he just tried to shut me up with a kiss," I took a long inhale, "I'm not really sure how to react to this."

"If we go by the movies," Morgana said wide-eyed, "I think you're supposed to slap him."

"I think a punch would be just as reasonable," Gwaine added.

"I don't think encouraging violence is the solution," Gwen scolded.

"Really?" questioned Elyan, "Because I think he should at least kick 'em."

"Guys," Mordred sighed, "You're failing to see the bigger picture here. Nobody one the argument."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Not helping. All of you are really, really not helping."

Arthur cleared his throat, keeping his eyes on me, "We've been looking for the guide for months," he announced, "Our search led us here, but we haven't gotten further than that."

"So you aren't looking for a guide?" Lance asked.

"I am," he nodded, "But this takes precedence to that. I can't tell you why but this guide is different."

"So there really is a rogue guide?" Mordred asked.

"Yes, as in he or she has been hiding, but whether the guide is from a different country remains unconfirmed."

"So that's why you've been traveling the country?" I breathed.

"No, that's why I'm here," he answered, "I had decided to hold off coming until we had a more concrete leads, but my plans changed when we heard of other interested, dangerous parties," he explained, "I knew I had to come here to find and protect the guide. We hadn't expected them to come."

"You," I began, "Are a bloody idiot."

"Excuse me?" he challenged.

"I _said_ you're a bloody idiot!" I scoffed, "You're looking for a rogue guide, _our_ age, that goes to _our_ school and you didn't think it might be a bright idea," I waved a hand to my friends, "To ask the people who have lived here their entire life and go to school here for help? Really?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "To protect you."

"We could've tried to help you find this guide," I groaned, "Maybe avoided some of this shite. You've got to know that's true."

"Yeah," he sighed, "But I can't have people all over the place looking for the guide either."

"No," I agreed, "I know, but still."

"Everyone's safety is our first concern."

I nodded, "Yeah, fine, but maybe _we_ , as in us in particular, could help you. We're already involved, you might as well get our help while you're at it or are you really going to continue being so stupidly stubborn?"

"I'm really getting sick of you insulting me," he huffed.

"I wouldn't, if you didn't give me any reason to," I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up or I'll shut you up," he quirked a brow, taking a step towards me, "Unless you want me to?"

I gaped at him, "Are you seriously flirting with me right now?"

"Don't act like you didn't feel that, too," he smirked, drawing my eyes to his lips and making me blush.

"This conversation is so beyond inappropriate right now, it's making me want to barf," Mordred said scrunching his face.

"Uh yeah," Morgana agreed, "It's called tact you two. You might want to look into it."

"Don't blame me," I raised my hands defensively, "This is all him. Anyways, I think the knights should hold a meeting tonight."

"Should I invite Nimueh?" Morgana asked.

"Dunno if she'll show," Gwen answered, "She's been avoiding me since the dance."

"Won't hurt to try," Lance nodded.

"What about curfew?" Elyan asked.

"I can take care of that, but you're all getting escorts," Arthur answered.

"Since we're meeting at mine, do I really need one?" I asked.

"You already have one."

I quirked a brow, "Do I? Who would that be?"

He grinned, "You already know the answer to that."

I blinked and turned to Morgana and shrugged, shaking my head, "I think I need to head back to class before my head explodes."

"Call Gaius," Arthur told me.

"You're doing that again?" I sighed.

"Have to," he answered back.

I nodded, "Yeah, ok. 630 still ok with everyone? And I still want you lot to bring snacks."

Everyone consented and I nodded, keeping my eyes off of Arthur as I turned around and walked away.

My plan to stay away from Arthur was a joke. I really hoped Gaius came up with something on his end, otherwise I really didn't know what I was going to do.


	8. Cat's Out Of The Bag

Gaius took me to his house after he picked me up, mostly because I asked him to (I was afraid Arthur might show up early and over hear). He had let me rant in the car about Arthur, rogue guides and panic attacks. Staying quiet the entire time as I word vomited everything that had happened since the last time we spoke. I even told him about the kiss and how it felt and how I really didn't know what to do.

Once we got to his house Gaius gave me a cup of tea and just sat there until I finally stopped talking.

Gaius eyed me warily, seemingly being careful about what he was going to say, "I have a theory," he announced.

"Alright," I swallowed hard, "What is it?"

"After what you told me, I'm not sure if you want to hear it, Merlin, but I think it's important that you know," he sighed, "I think it might make you change your mind about moving as well. In fact, I'm starting to believe it won't make much of a difference. I think Arthur will follow you and find you anywhere at this point. You can't get away from it, he knows your scent now and with you being his guide and he being an alpha sentinel, it would be a moot point to run."

"You are definitely not making me feel better, uncle," I cringed, "Just be out with it."

"Well, there isn't much recent information on it," he began, "There hasn't been a reported one since the early 1900s, what you are is extremely rare."

"Yeah, what else is new?" I frowned.

"Have you ever heard of an alpha guide, Merlin?"

I furrowed my brow and shook my head. "I think that's what you are," he nodded, "Alpha guides are rarer than alpha sentinels. They have stronger emphatic powers than any guide heard of, but that's also their down fall, Merlin. An alpha guide cannot survive long without their sentinel. They need their sentinels shields to help protect them, eventually their empathy takes too much of wear to control on their own. I think _that's_ why you feel such a pull towards Arthur. Your body is trying to protect you by bonding you to your mate before you can no longer control it. Also, in all the literature I've read, I've not found an alpha guide bonding with anything other than alpha sentinel. Alpha sentinels are the same to an extent, they must find their guide before it becomes too much for them to control, but there are plenty of reports of them bonding with a non-alpha guide."

I stayed silent for a few seconds before I whispered, "I don't even know what that means, uncle. All of what you said, it makes no sense to me. How could I of all people be an alpha guide? An alpha wizard guide? No, I don't think that's right."

"Merlin, it's not a bad thing," he reached out his hand to me, "In fact, it's incredible. I've been so astounded by the news. As an alpha guide, you would be the leader of all guides within the country, just like Arthur. You have incredible powers, Merlin, and you've been handling it all by yourself. Teaching yourself things that would take years for others to master. I've always thought you were smart, a bit lazy, but with a bit of a push I've never believed there was anything out there you couldn't handle. You becoming the alpha guide of all the tribes, it's your destiny, and if there is anyone out there I believe would be able to do it, it's you, Merlin. I know you're scared, it's not something you wanted or planned, but I know you, you can do it, Merlin, and I know you don't like the idea of anyone having any say on your future, and that wouldn't happen. I'm sure of it, if you want to be a doctor or that other thing you said, what was it? A hurricane chaser? I'm sure there is no one that would stand in your way, you wouldn't let them. You _can_ do this. You _can_ be the alpha guide wizard and you _can_ be anything else you want to be. You don't have to be afraid, Merlin, you're not alone in this anymore. I will always be at your side. Everyone who loves you will and we will be there every step of the way."

"But this isn't fair," I answered, "I don't want to the leader of guides, I don't want to do be a guide wizard. I don't want any of this! I just want to be me!"

"Don't you understand? That is you. All of those things and more, they're all you. You have to stop fighting yourself, Merlin. You have to start embracing all of those things," He smiled and said, "You've always been special, Merlin. I've known that since you were born, all of these things, they just prove it. I know it's hard for you, but you can't run away from it. You're all those things because you were meant to be."

I let go of Gaius's hand and placed my head on the table, "But uncle, what if you're wrong? What if I _can't_ do it? What if I fail?"

"You won't," He said petting my head, "I'm not saying it won't be hard or that you won't make any mistakes, but I know you won't fail. There are a lot of things I need to discuss with you, but I don't want you to be late to see your friends. I think you should call your aunt and tell her you'll be living with me instead. I can't try and squeeze everything in a couple of days, you have a lot to learn on both guides and wizards."

Gaius stood up and came towards me placing his hands on my shoulders, "I believe in you, Merlin. It's time you start doing the same."

I sighed, "Aunty Claurice will be mad, you know?"

"I don't think so, I've already spoken to her," he grinned.

"What?"

He winked, "Just give her a call and everything will be settled. Now come on, let's get you home so the knights can hold the meeting and I'll start clearing out your bedroom."

"Alright," I sighed, "Let's go. I have a lot to think about anyway."

I took a deep breath and sighed again, following him silently to the car. So his solution was to embrace everything? Embrace everything before my body betrayed me? Bond with Arthur? With a stranger? An irresistible stranger, but a stranger nonetheless, could I really, truly do that?

I didn't know, I wasn't as sure of all of this as Gaius was. Was this really my only solution? How did I know I could even trust Arthur? How did one even bond? I never bothered to learn about that, never planned on being bonded. Apparently, I don't have a choice now, but I wonder if there is a way to put it off. Lance _had_ said that you weren't able to bond until you were 17, but maybe I can push it even more than just a year. Maybe I could wait until I was at least 30? Would Arthur agree to that? Could I even last that long without a bond? Would my body even let me put it off that long?

This really wasn't fair, why couldn't I just be a mute? Did I really have to become some leader of all the guides in the country? Would everyone start treating me differently? Gaius wouldn't, but Lance and Elyan both looked up to Arthur like he was royalty, I wouldn't want them to treat me differently. I was just me. I'd never want them to look at me differently at all.

When we arrived at my house, Arthur was already waiting. A glance at the clock said we were a half hour early, but I shouldn't have been surprised. I gave Gaius a side hug from my seat and stepped out of the car, "Call me after," Gaius told me. I nodded and waved him goodbye as he pulled away.

"You're early," I announced.

Arthur grinned, "I brought snacks."

"Excellent," I smiled, "But I think I need a proper meal first. You hungry?"

"I can _always_ eat. You cook?"

I shrugged and walked to the door, "Wouldn't say I'm the best at it, but I make do. Anything in particular you want?"

"I'm sure whatever you make will be fine," he said following me.

"Last week, Gaius and I made cheesesteaks together. I think I'm in the mood for that and fries. Sound good?" I said, walking inside and dropping my bag near the door.

I walked him to the kitchen and waved around, "Just help yourself." I started to take everything out that I would need and watched him throw some things in the fridge and get himself a drink, "Anything I could help with?"

"Rinse and peel the potatoes, think you could handle that?"

He rolled his eyes, "Yes. I'm not an invalid."

"No, but you _are_ a spoiled brat, from what I've been told," I grinned, "And I'm not really sure what a spoiled brat's cooking capabilities are exactly."

He chuckled, "Just tell me where the peeler is and I'll take it from there."

I pointed at a drawer, "Peel away, mate. I'll get the pan ready for them."

"Yes, chef!" he laughed, "So how was your visit with Gaius?"

"Informative," I sighed, "He may have just convinced me to stay."

"Really?" Arthur turned toward me, "You're staying?"

"It seems like the best thing, I guess. His argument made a lot of sense today, if he's right, and I suspect he is, then then best thing would be to move in with him. To stay in Albion."

Arthur grinned, "That's great!" and took a step toward me.

"BUT!" I said, stopping him, "I'm not sure I want to."

"Oh," his shoulders slumped.

"Not unless I can convince someone else I know to stay for longer than a month," I continued.

"Oh?" his smile started to come back.

"Yes, I know this guy and, though, I'm not sure why, we've been getting on really well and I want a real chance to get to know him, but he said he was only here for a month. Not sure how much I could get to know someone in a month. That's hardly anytime at all, don't you think?"

"You're right. You'd need much longer than a month," he said grinning.

"Exactly!" I exclaimed, "What do you think I can do to convince him?"

"Well cooking him a meal is good start," he nodded, "Maybe spending some more time with him and having a proper talk."

"Guess that makes sense," I hummed in agreement, "But would that be enough?"

"If not, I'm sure you could figure something else out as you go along," he said taking another step toward me and leaning down toward my ear, "I bet you have _a lot_ of things to offer."

I gasped, "I don't know about that. What could I offer a spoiled brat?"

Arthur leaned away from me and smirked as I blushed, "Like I said you'll figure it out as you go along."

I cleared my throat, "Right then. Well you did say a meal is a good start, so let's get on with that then."

He grinned from ear to ear, "Yes, let's do that. I'm so glad you've decided to stay, Merlin. You can't imagine how happy it makes me to hear that."

I returned the grin, "Me too."

"There so many things I want to ask you; you know?" He said resuming his task, "So many things I want to I want to know about you. I know it sounded mad, but I was really considering following you to London after we found the guide. Like I said I don't know why, but I just feel like you're someone special to me. I don't think I'd be able to just let you go."

I continued preparing everything too, "I know," I sighed, "In fact, it all scared me so much I told Gaius about it. He's even began doing research on it for me, though, I doubt he'll find anything useful. Knowing him he'll start spouting something about destiny and fate or some nonsense."

"You don't believe in destiny?" Arthur glanced at me.

"I believe in making my own destiny," I shrugged.

"I believe in it," Arthur hesitated, "I believe that fate brought me here. That fate brought me to you and that our lives are destined to be intertwined. I feel it in my bones. I was _meant_ to be here, Merlin. I was _meant_ to know you."

"Hmm," I nodded, "And you are _absolutely_ certain that you aren't using 'fate' as a euphemism for teenage hormones?"

"Shut it, you git!" Arthur laughed, "Here I am pouring my heart out to you and all you can do is stand there and make jokes! You're incorrigible!"

I laughed, "Aww! I didn't know you were so sensitive, Arthur."

"And I didn't know you were a complete wanker," he chuckled shaking his head, "Guess we both learned something today."

"Well I certainly did," I took pause, "At school today especially."

Arthur looked at me, quirking a brow, "What was that?"

I turned to Arthur fully and looked at his lips, "I never kissed a guy before. Didn't ever think I'd like it," I turned back around, "Are you done with those potatoes, yet? You're taking an awfully long time with them."

"Yes, I thought I'd chop them up for you, too," he answered, "I can handle that, you know."

"Oh good," I nodded, "Hurry it up then."

"Your ears always turn red when you blush?"

"Really?" I scoffed, " _That's_ what you got out of that? Red ears? And to answer your question, I'm not telling you."

He laughed, "That's alright. I think I already know the answer anyway."

"Figures, that the first person I consider after Nimueh is a complete git," I laughed, "Story of my life."

"Doesn't bother you then? That I'm a guy, I mean?" he began chopping the potatoes.

"No, not really. I like who I like, might take a bit getting used to, but there's no changing it," I smiled, "I like you, Arthur. I haven't figured out the why yet, but I do," I turned to him, "How about that then? Does it bother you my saying it?"

Arthur stopped and turned around to me, I watched him take a slow deep breath and closed the distance between us, "I thought it would be better to wait," he whispered, "Before kissing you again, but now I don't think I can."

Arthur leaned closer to me and I whispered back, "This food is never going to get done, is it?"

He grinned, "I think this bit is a little more important right now."

"Well," I said placing my hand on his hair, "Best to carry on then."

"I like you, too," he said, before placing his lips on mine. We kissed slowly this time, taking our time, feeling his body press against mine, his hands make their way around my waist gently pulling me closer, my heart was racing, but time felt like it had stopped and that's when I felt it, that our hearts were synchronizing, that the more our lips melded together so was some other part of ourselves. It was the most amazing thing I've ever felt and the most terrifying. I pulled slowly away from Arthur and heard him groan in protest.

"I," I whispered, "That was… I think we really should take this slow, because I can't even begin to comprehend what that was."

Arthur leaned his head into the crook of my neck and breathed in deeply and sighed contently, "I know you're right. I think so, too, but damn, that really was something, wasn't it? Everything about you is just so _perfect._ So _right_ ," Arthur's arms tightened around me and he growled, "You've got to be _mine_."

I shuddered and pushed him away, "Excuse me?"

Arthur blinked and took a step back, "Sorry, sorry. It's the sentinel thing," he groaned and ran his hand through his hair, "It makes me feel so territorial sometimes and it just comes out. I didn't mean it the way it sounded, I swear."

I looked at my hands, "It's ok, I think," I sighed, "I guess I get it. Seen Lance get overprotective with Gwen enough times, but he'd never force her to be with him or anything. It's kinda like the same thing, right?" I looked back up at Arthur, "Let's just make sure we take things slow, alright? I get a bit jumpy when people make me feel like I have no say in the matter. In fact, pretty sure that's why Nimueh and I didn't work out. Don't want a repeat with you, you know?"

Arthur took a slow step toward me, "I'd never make you do anything you didn't want to, Merlin. I swear I just get territorial sometimes, but I'll learn to get a better hold of it. I'd never do anything to hurt you."

I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding, "I believe you," I reached for his hand, "Let's just focus on getting to know each other for now and see where that leads us, ok?"

Arthur smiled and took my hand, "Absolutely. I'd like nothing more."

I grinned and squeezed his hand, "Well since you said that, I'll have to reluctantly admit, I like the possessive bit, just don't overdo it, ok?"

Arthur's eyebrows arched in surprised, "What?"

I laughed, "I know, I didn't expect it either," I tugged Arthur to me and whispered in his ear, "But I did find it quite sexy," I took a step back and dropped his hand, "Now get back to those potatoes, you! I'm hungry and you distracting me is _not_ going to help that."

He laughed, "You're something else, Merlin."

"So you've said," I grinned. Arthur _finally_ finished with the potatoes and I was finally able to get our dinner started and right when I was done the doorbell rang. I groaned loudly, "Come on! I just want to eat!"

Arthur laughed, "You get started, I'll get the door."

"Thank you," I smiled and started practically tearing through the food as he went towards the door.

I heard Lance's voice call out, "Merlin!" and a minute later he was at my side, stealing fries, "So are you really into him? I've been curious since you two kissed."

I slapped his hand away, "Yeah, but it's complicated."

"Because he's a sentinel?" he nodded, "That would make things complicated, but Gwen was looking some stuff up earlier and we were thinking, well they're rare, but maybe Arthur can bond platonically to someone, you know? Maybe that's why he likes a mute, because his guide and him will be bonded platonically and he can sense that."

For a brief moment an image of Arthur bonding with another guide flashed in my mind and I almost growled in outrage, but managed to reel it in before I let it out. Fuck, talk about feeling territorial.

"Actually, I had a question about that," I said changing the subject.

"What?" I heard Gwen's voice.

"The whole bonding thing," I frowned, "I never asked before, but now I'm curious. I know it makes you both stronger and connected, but how do you even bond? How does a bond help you either of you?" I laughed, "Well, guess that's more than one question, but I'm starting to think it'll be something I need to know."

"Why would you need to know that?" Arthur asked.

"Merlin plans to be a doctor who specializes in sentinels and guides," Gwen answered, "You _are_ right, Merlin, you probably do need to know that."

"Actually, Merlin plans to specialize in wizards," Morgana quipped.

" _Actually_ , I haven't decided at all yet," I shrugged, "Maybe I'll do both. Go on, Gwen, tell me."

"Well I've not bonded, so I'll explain it to you the best I can," she started, "There are two types of bonding. Platonic and physical. In a platonic bond, the guide and sentinel bond in, well, what we call the spirit world."

"Like with your spirit animals or something?" I asked.

"Yes," she smiled, "Well they're definitely involved in it and once they're bonded the sentinel provides a shield for the guide's empathy and the guide provides an anchor for the sentinel's senses."

"So neither gets overwhelmed by their abilities," I nodded, "Makes sense."

"Yes, but platonic bonds are a bit tricky. In a physical bond the guide and sentinel can be far from each other for long periods of time and it will never lessen or break the bond, but for a platonic bond it can take years for it to be strong enough to take that. It's believed that because of that is why most pairs are meant to have a physical bond."

"So platonic bonds are weaker?"

"No, not weaker, just takes a while to make them as solid and unbreakable as a physical bond. There has to be a strong sense of trust between the two who make a platonic bond work at all."

"But physical bonds are different?"

"Yes," Gwen nodded, "They generally provide better shields for the empath and, like I said, they aren't breakable."

"So then how do you bond physically?" I frowned, "Why is it different?"

Lance raised his hand in the air and grinned, "I'll answer that one!" He gave me a huge grin, "When she says physical, mate, she means sex."

Elyan slapped Lance on the back of the head, "That's _not_ all it is, Merlin. Don't listen to this idiot."

"Ow! I never said that's all it was!" Lance groaned, "Why are all of you always hitting me?"

"Because you're a git," I told him.

"Anyway, yes, he's right about the, well, um _that_ part," Gwen blushed, "But the way you bond isn't just that. A guide has to lower their shields and allow the sentinel to connect to them, during, well, anyway. They also create a connection in the spirit world, just differently and it creates a more solid bond from the start. We think it's because, generally, physical bonds all involve romantic relationships, that uh, I mean it's obvious really, more often than not your romantic partner is your most trusted one, right? I love Lance and I trust him with anything, but friendships are different. They can be a lot harder to maintain and a lot easier to neglect. On the other hand, I can't get away from Lance for the life of me," she laughed.

I looked at the few fries left on my plate and sighed. So what she just told me is that either Gaius wants me to traverse the spirit world with my spirit guide which I've never even seen and bond with Arthur platonically, although, I highly doubt that would work considering how we react to each other or Gaius has basically told me to have sex with Arthur when I turn seventeen to ensure I don't die. What. The. Fuck? So when he was saying, "You must bond with Arthur, Merlin! It's your destiny!" he actually meant, "You must fuck Arthur, Merlin! It's your destiny!" Seriously, uncle? _That's_ your advice. Not that the idea of sex with him is off putting, but I don't want to have sex with anyone just because I _have_ to. I just want to do it because I _want_ to, because we both want to. Because it feels right, because we just like each other or love each other or something. Not just for a bond.

"Merlin?" I blinked, "Mate? Are you in there somewhere?" I blinked looking at Arthur's face. He had turned my chair around and I hadn't even noticed, "I'm here," I responded.

He frowned, "Where'd you go off to?"

I looked at down to my hands on my lap, "Nothing, just that it sounds weird. Having sex with someone to bond," I frowned again, "I don't get it."

Arthur kneeled in front of me, "It's not just for the bond, Merlin. Sentinel and guide pairs have sex to express their love and commitment to one another, the bond is just an added bonus. Look at Lance and Gwen or Elyan and Gwaine, even so young there is real love there. They care for each other deeply, that's the only reason their bond will work at all, because of how they feel for each other."

"But isn't the whole guide sentinel thing what brought them together in the first place?"

Arthur shook his head, "Not exactly. It never would've brought them together if it didn't already know what they didn't yet. The kind of relationship they could build together if they put the effort in and it _only_ works because they put the effort in. It's what makes the strongest pairs, the strongest bond. It's the same for a platonic bond, just different. It only works if both sides willingly work towards building a strong relationship."

I looked up at Arthur, "So it's basically like their everyone else? Looking for the one they can build the strongest relationship with, except they get a little extra help?"

Arthur grinned, "Exactly. They just have an extra sense that helps them find the right person."

"Do you think that extra sense you have is why you like me?" I tilted my head to the side.

He shrugged, "I don't know. It's possible."

"Then," I looked at Gwen, "Do you think you would've ended up with Lance even if you were both mutes?"

"I don't doubt it," Gwen looked at Lance, "Might've taken a bit longer, but I honestly believe I would've never felt the way I do for Lance, for anyone else."

Mordred muttered, "I don't know if it's a sure thing with Morgana, even if we work on it. All I know is that we're willing to try, but I expect sometimes guides and sentinels feel the same way."

"Especially in the beginning," Gwaine added, "When I first met Elyan, I questioned everything."

"Hey!" Elyan frowned.

"Oh come of it! You were a complete stranger then," Gwaine rolled his eyes and looked at me, "I kept thinking like what if the guide in me is wrong? What if I'm broken? What if I _don't_ like him? And anytime he would make me laugh or do something that would make me think I liked him, I would think it's only the guide in me that likes him. I'm not feeling this way because I actually like him, it's just the guide in me that likes his sentinel, but then I got to know him and trust him and I found that my instincts _were_ right," Gwaine reached over to Elyan and squeezed his hand, "And the more I know him and the more we grow together the stronger that feeling is. He _is_ right for me."

"What did you just say?" Arthur asked, his eyes widening.

Gwaine frowned, looking at him, "I said he's right for me."

"Right for you?" He repeated, "Maybe even _perfect_ for you?"

I stiffened in my chair, staring at Arthur while listening to Gwaine's response, "In a way, yes."

Arthur tilted his head at me, watching me curiously, "What?" I asked, "What is it?"

Arthur stood up and took a step back from me, "Is there something you want to tell us, Merlin? Tell me?"

I frowned, furrowing my brows, "What are you talking about?"

"How on earth could I feel the same way about you as Gwaine feels about his sentinel?" Arthur yelled, "Is there something you want to tell me, Merlin?!"

My eyes widened and my heart started racing, "What?" I whispered.

"Arthur, what are you saying?" Mordred asked.

" _This!_ " Arthur waved his hand toward me, " _This_ is what makes sense! Why I feel this way! From the first moment I saw you, I felt it! All my instincts pointed to you! And as soon as I got here, you were just itching to get away!"

"Arthur! Stop!" Lance shouted, Elyan and him walking quickly in front of me, "You're getting hysterical, mate!"

"No I'm not!" He answered back, "Merlin is a guide, Lance!"

"What?!" Gwen shrieked, "What are talking about, Arthur?!"

"He is my guide, Gwen!" He took several steps back, hitting a wall and sliding down, looking at me, "You're _my_ guide. Why wouldn't you tell me?"

He looked so hurt, so pained, my heart broke, "I've been looking for you for so long," he continued, "I've been waiting for you. So afraid that you weren't out there at all, that I'd never find you. Why wouldn't you just tell me?"

Morgana was the first to approach him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Arthur, you're wrong. I understand that whatever you may be feeling for Merlin may be confusing, but he's been tested since preschool, none of his family are guides or sentinels, there's no way he could just hide something like that and you know that."

Arthur looked at her warily, "You don't understand, Morgana. He's _everything_ to me. _Everything._ And I _just_ met him."

Gwen joined Morgana and I sensed her using her empathy to calm Arthur, "She's right, Arthur, and you _know_ that."

"Maybe she's not," Lance said, turning to look at me, "You do keep a lot of secrets, Merlin. I love you, mate, but you _have_ been acting a little weird since you heard of him coming and that _is_ how I felt about Gwen when I first saw her."

Elyan looked at Lance, "I can agree with that, mate, but that doesn't mean Merlin's a guide."

"But maybe it does," Gwaine frowned, "I've sensed you panicking at some odd times, Merlin. Never figured out why."

"All of you need to stop!" Mordred yelled, "That is enough! Merlin, whatever it is you are or aren't hiding _doesn't_ matter. You're _our_ friend and we _will_ protect you!" He looked at both Lance and Gwaine, "No matter what that means," he looked at Arthur, "You're a decent sort, but if Merlin isn't or is a guide, if he doesn't want you to know then I'll do whatever I need to, to protect him. He'd do the same for me."

Lance looked down, "Sorry, but he's right, Arthur," he glanced at me, "Sorry for hesitating for a minute, mate, I just wished you'd tell me."

"Yeah," Gwaine agreed.

I took a deep breath, "Arthur, I don't know what it is you feel for me, but, please, trust me," I slowly stood up, "I'm just me. Nothing else."

Arthur looked at me as I continued, "Please, you _have_ to trust me."

"I do," Arthur whined, "But-"

"I'm staying, Arthur," I reminded him, kneeling in front of him, "I said I was going to stay and figure everything out. Get to know you, remember? I'm not sure of what's going on myself. I don't understand it all either, but I'm staying here, with you and we _will_ figure it out."

Arthur reached his hand out to me and I took it, "I know we don't know each other well, but trust me. I'm sure all of this will make sense eventually."

Arthur pulled my hand to his face and breathed me in, "Ok. We'll figure it out together. No running away."

I nodded, "No running away."

I could see Arthur beginning to calm down, "Eventually, when you feel you can, you'll tell us everything you're hiding?"

"I'm sure of it," I answered honestly, "I just can't right now."

Arthur and I stood up and I could sense everyone in the room beginning to calm down. Mordred patted my shoulder, "You remember, Merlin. We've got your back. No matter what it is."

I smiled, "I know."

"So you're staying?" Morgana asked.

"Yeah, Gaius and I had another one of our talks," I nodded, "I'll be moving in with him so he can help me sort it out, but yeah I'm staying."

"Oh Merlin!" Morgana jumped towards me and hugged me, "I told you! I told you leaving wouldn't do you any good!"

"Yeah," I grinned, "Right again, as always, Morgana. I'm so glad I won't have to say bye to all of you," I squeezed her, "I really didn't know how I was going to manage that."

Gwen joined in, "You should've never even thought about moving," I hugged her back.

Morgana and Gwen stepped away as Lance barreled to me and almost tackled me to the floor, "You git! You stupid git!" he said squeezing the breath out of me, "You're a bloody idiot!"

"I know," I gasped, "I'm a bloody idiot who needs to breathe, Lance!" Lance let me go grinning, "I'm glad you've seen the light, mate, don't ever think of running off on your own again."

Mordred smiled, "I _knew_ you'd see reason," I threw my arm over his shoulder and smiled, "Yeah, just a bit slow on the uptake sometimes."

Gwaine gave me a punch on my shoulder and Elyan gave me another bear hug.

I grinned, "Alright knights! Enough distractions! We're here to focus on the rogue guide! Let's get this meeting started," I stepped out of the room and came back with a gavel, "Everyone take a seat."

I sat down and soon as everyone settled down, I banged the gavel on the table, "Let the meeting begin."

Gwen frowned, "Looks like Nimueh couldn't make it."

"She'll come around eventually, Gwen," Morgana answered, "I'm sure of it."

I nodded in agreement, "Let's start with what we _do_ know. Mordred if you please."

Mordred nodded, "Well we know the guide is a student, I think it's important that Arthur tells us when the guide was first spotted around here."

"About five years ago is the first report," Arthur answered, "But it's spotty since then. We suspect that many people who've met the guide choose not to report him or her. We've had only four sightings all together and they're months apart. None in the same place and not enough to distinguish a pattern. They're spread throughout Albion. The last sighting was 7 months before I got here."

I thrummed my fingers, "Can we know the locations of all these sightings? Maybe you can't see a pattern, but we know the favored spots for teen hangouts here, maybe we'll see something you didn't."

Arthur nodded and went to get the bag he'd brought with him, "I brought the files with me."

"We suspect the guide is in high school now and in the 14-18 age range, but we could be wrong. One of the main problems of the sightings is that no one could give a matching description other than height and weight range, nothing else is the same."

Arthur placed the files in front of me and sat down, "Another thing, the guide uses a sentinel approved deodorizer, we can't get a clear scent from any of the locations."

"So we know, on top of everything else, the guide is good at hiding from sentinels," I nodded, opening the first file, "He or she must have good knowledge or access on knowledge about them."

"There isn't much information out there for mutes, though, only basic things," Mordred said, reaching over for one of the files.

I read slowly through the file and sighed, "If they're in high school, all they'd have to do is befriend a sentinel/guide pair. If they trust them enough, he or she could gain that knowledge from them. We also don't know if the guide has someone with access to that information."

Lance looked at me, "You always ask us about that stuff," he arched a brow.

I snorted, "Yeah, but I don't need to. I could ask Gaius or uncle Teddy," I paused and rolled my eyes, "I'm not the rogue guide, Lance."

"Yeah," Arthur nodded, "There's something else about this guide that makes him or her very unique."

"Glamour potions?" Mordred's eyes widened, "You think the guide is using magic to hide?"

"At least when the guide is helping people, yeah," he nodded, "We think the reason why they're interested in this guide isn't just his strong empathy."

"What do you mean?" Elyan asked frowning.

"You think the guide is a wizard?" I asked, stiffening in my chair, "A guide wizard?" I looked up from the file at Arthur, "How?" I thought I was the only guide wizard.

"Every report has him or her using at least some kind of magic," Arthur answered, "Potions and spells."

"Oh," Lance whispered.

I took a deep exhale and looked at the pictures in the file, stand stills from the cctv that had captured him. I shifted through the rest of the files, even snatching the one back from Mordred and looking at all the pictures. Of the guide wizard helping unbonded sentinels that had zoned. Pictures of the glamour he'd use to hide himself. I recognized all of them. Fuck. What? It can't be. This _cannot_ be real.

"Merlin?" Gwaine looked at me, "You ok?"

I stood up and took a deep breath, "A guide wizard."

"No one's ever heard of one," Arthur nodded, "It's a pretty big deal. At first we thought the sentinel was wrong, but with multiple reports, we couldn't risk not investigating it. Somehow, others got wind of it. We have to make sure he or she is safe before anyone else can get to 'em."

"What would they do to him?" I asked, "If the others caught him? If you guys caught him? What will happen?"

"I'm sure they would force the guide to bond with a sentinel. It's dangerous," Arthur said, "Forced bonds with incompatible pairs can be dangerous. Painful."

"And what would you do with him?" I asked, "Take him to a guide school?"

"Well, we'd take him somewhere we can keep him safe," Arthur answered, "Help the guide find a sentinel. He or she would be safest bonded as soon as possible and we'd keep the guide safe far long after that."

"Keep the guide safe," I repeated. Watched. Limited. Every waking move accounted for, because who would give up looking for a wizard guide. A powerful wizard guide. And that was when they still didn't know about the alpha thing. I laughed and shook my head. This is why I hid. Everything I never fucking wanted, thrown right at me. A sentinel and having people watching me the rest of my life. 'Can't go there, Merlin. It's too dangerous.' Gaius was so wrong. He was so, so wrong. I _can't_ do this. I _can't_ have my entire life taken control of by all these people. So they can what? Study me? Keep me safe? Can't do anything because I'm oh so special! "Can't blame him," I said out loud.

"What?" Arthur frowned.

"I said I can't blame him for hiding," I shook my head, "If it were me I'd hide, too. Who the hell wants to live their entire life under someone's eye? Or be controlled?"

"We wouldn't control him," Arthur said furrowing his brows.

"Are you joking? You just said you would! Take him somewhere safe and keep him safe," I laughed, "Poor sod won't even be able to live where he wants to because it's just not safe."

"I think we're getting a bit off topic here, Merlin," Mordred interrupted, "Whatever the logistics are, I'm sure we can try and work something out that the guide would be happy, but we can only do that once we make sure he or she is safe. Worrying about that stuff now won't do us any good."

I shrugged, "Maybe he is safe."

"Obviously not," Lance frowned, "What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

I walked to my room and closed the door. I knew what I was about to do was crazy and that I'd definitely had finally snapped, but at the moment I couldn't bring myself to care, I looked in the back of my closet for my emergency bag. I had always kept it packed and ready. Packed with potions, money, a spell and potions book and some clothes. I turned on the radio and opened my bedroom window.

Yup, you guessed it, with a house full of sentinels, guides, and wizards, I was still crazy enough to make a run for it. Literally. I had finally lost my mind. I jumped out the window and was about to make my way across the yard to hop over the fence to my neighbor's yard when I heard it.

"Please stop! I'm not a guide!"

My heart shuddered, I recognized that voice. "Nimueh!" I yelled out and made my way as fast as I could towards it.

I found her near the front of my house. One of the men dressed as a guard had her. "What the hell?" I found everyone standing feet away and a group of men dressed completely in black surrounding Nimueh and her captor.

Morgana grabbed my arm, pulling me behind one of the guards that had come with them, "One of the guards was apparently a fake and grabbed her," she said quickly, "Claiming she's the rogue guide they've been looking for. It doesn't make any sense. Nimueh went through all the tests everyone else did. She's not a guide, but they're refusing to back down."

"Let her go," Arthur commanded, "Or you _will_ face severe consequences."

The man snorted at him, "She's _ours._ No way are we letting her go."

The blood drained from my face.

"She's not the one you're looking for," Arthur answered, "She's already been investigated. You've got the wrong person. Let. Her. Go."

"What?" I looked at Arthur, "Investigated?"

"We've been looking for the guide wizard as well," Arthur went on, ignoring me, "We have leads, but she's not one of them anymore."

"What?" I said incredulously.

"Shut up, kid!" the guard near me growled.

"Not until one of you explain what the hell is going on," Morgana hissed, "That's our friend they have over there."

"Just tell them," Arthur ordered in an annoyed tone, "I don't need any more interruptions right now."

The guard huffed, "There have been reports of a wizard guide helping zoned out sentinels in the area. It seems your friend was caught on CCTV very nearby one of the incidents, so she was investigated, but ruled out. These idiots have the wrong information."

My heart started to go ballistic. They've even gotten as close to me as investigating Nimueh? Fuck. I remember helping those sentinels. I couldn't stop myself. They were calling in need and I _had_ to respond. I couldn't just leave them like that and now it was being used against me? I felt betrayed.

I started to shake. I couldn't believe this.

Arthur didn't take his eyes off the men but gave me a slight nod, "The wizard guide has to be found. It's the only way to protect him or her."

"And what else?" I barked, "Protect him and what else? Keep him locked up and examine him? It's no wonder he hides! He just wants to be left alone!"

Everyone turned to look at me, including the guards holding Nimueh, but Arthur was the first to speak, "You know who it is, don't you?"

I looked at Nimueh and looked down at my hands, my heart was beating out of my chest, but I had to do this. _Had_ to. I couldn't let them take Nimueh away. I wasn't going to let her get hurt because of me. I focused my energy on the men holding her and did something I've only done a handful of times in my life. I used my empathy to send them a suggestion (although, it was more like a declaration), but kept my shields up so the others couldn't detect it was me sending it. I wasn't entirely sure it was going to work. Not until I saw the recognition in their eyes as they looked at me.

I looked at Nimueh and closed my eyes, taking a deep inhale, and reopened them. My nerves were a mess. I was terrified of what was going to happen, but, no matter what, I was going to protect her and everyone else. The hunt for them was over. With my decision made I pushed past the guard in front of me and ran half way to the men holding her.

"A trade," I announced, "Her for me. Let her go first. You guys are faster than me you can get to me before I try to get away."

"Merlin! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Arthur growled, trying to get to me.

"Stay back or she's dead!" They warned him, making him stop.

"Merlin!" he hissed at me.

I gave him a determined look, "I know what I'm doing," I lied.

The fake guard holding her watched me warily, "Come closer first, I don't want to chance them reaching you."

I nodded and took several more steps, "Let her go," I repeated. Two of them stepped towards me, one holding Nimueh and the other empty handed. He quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him and the other shoved Nimueh towards the group watching everything in stunned silence.

Nimueh screamed and scrambled towards everyone.

I grunted as he gripped me hard and dragged me further away from everyone. I looked at Arthur, if this was really the last time I was going to see him, then he had the _right_ to know. As they were putting cuffs on my wrists, I focused on him, enveloped him in my empathy, created a shield around us both and exposed myself so he could see me for who I really was. And, fuck, if it didn't feel good. Being intertwined in his emotions, even if it was just superficial without a bond, it felt fucking fantastic. I felt so at peace, so protected with just this bit of him. All my frayed nerves just smoothed out and I drank him in. Drank him like a dehydrated man in the middle of the desert. I felt him rumbling through my empathy, expanding in it. It was exhilarating. It was a kind of high I didn't even know existed. I couldn't even begin to imagine what bonding to him would be like. I saw his eyes widen in recognition and he took a step toward me.

"Stay back!" one of the men yelled, "Stay back or we kill him!" He grabbed me by my neck, almost crushing it. I gasped, struggling against his grip. Arthur looked at him and then back at me, "He's mine. You can't take him from me."

The man snorted, "Fuck you, kid. He's ours," he started dragging me and the rest of the group slowly followed us, keeping their eyes on Arthur.

"I will get him back," Arthur growled, "And when I do, I will _kill_ each and every one of you for daring to put your hands on _my_ guide."

And I was. I was _his_ guide. I was his guide and now I might never see him again. How could I have been so stupid?

I struggled with the man as he shoved me roughly into a black SUV with tinted windows. Fuck! I had to figure out a way to get out of this. A way to get back to him. There _had_ to be a way. It was NOT going to end like this for him and I. I wouldn't let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a bad day today and I have no beer. Life sucks. Hope you like the chapter.


	9. What have you gotten yourself into, Merlin?

When I came to I felt sore and my mouth felt dry. It appears one of them drugged me and coming out of it was making me dizzy as hell. Trying to blink away the wooziness and focus on my surroundings was harder than I'd imagined, but after a few minutes, I was able to start taking things in.

I was apparently chained in the back of a moving van, heading to fuck knows where. I had no idea where I was. My head felt like a train had rammed into it and my entire body felt like lead, but I guess at this point, I was just happy to be alive. I tried looking out one of the windows but found they had been painted and I could get no view. Still I had a feeling we must've been in a city, judging from all the traffic noise. Definitely not in Albion anymore. Albion was never _this_ noisy, unless we were throwing a festival.

"Don't try anything funny, guide," a voice broke in from my front left. It turns out I wasn't in the back of this van alone.

"So nice of you lot to think of giving me some company," I muttered, looking at her, "Who are you?"

"Right now, _I'm_ the only one keeping them from beating you senseless," she smirked, "So you better thread lightly."

"Oh," I nodded, "Guess they don't give you proper names where you're from then? Mine's Merlin, by the way."

She glowered at me, "You may call me Lady Morgause. Don't bother trying to use your empathy. You're blocked, nobody will be able to sense it and I'm in no mood to battle you right now. I've not had the best day."

I studied her for a moment and frowned, "Battle me?"

She scowled at me, "I had heard you'd not been trained, but you don't even know that much? Pathetic."

"You're a guide?" I questioned, "You're a guide and you're letting them do this? Letting them take me away from my sentinel?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "'Letting them take me away from my sentinel'," she mimicked, "You disgust me."

"Why? What did I ever do to you?"

"You personally?" she hummed, "Nothing."

"What is this some weird political ploy or something?"

"Don't be stupid," she scoffed, " _This_ is about money."

"Money?" I questioned, "What do you people plan to do to me?"

She laughed maliciously, "You're a commodity, little warlock, and people pay quite highly for commodities nowadays."

"Pay? You're going to sell me?" I asked horrified, "Why?"

"You will be sold and bonded," she smirked, "And we will make a fortune from it. We've got a buyer quite interested in you."

"P-people don't force bondings anymore," I answered.

She laughed again, "You're really naive, aren't you?"

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "We all have our own reasons."

"What reason?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you."

"You're going to sell me," I growled, "The least you can do is tell me why."

She watched me for few minutes before answering, "Since I have nothing better to do and in a few short days I will never see you again, fine, I'll tell you."

She crawled towards me grabbed my cheeks with her hand, "You see, little warlock, if you want to know who to thank for your current conundrum, then you may look further no than Sentinel Uther Pendragon."

"Pendragon? Is that Arthur's father?"

"The one and only," she let me go, "You see, he's the man responsible for my being here and without me, they'd never have gotten you."

"How's he responsible? He planned this?"

She scowled, "Don't be stupid. That fool could never plan anything as eloquent as this. He took _everything_ from me and I'm going to make sure he pays and that starts with you. Well, the money I'll be making off of you, anyways."

Oh great, she's insane.

"I will _destroy_ him."

"Why?" I gaped at her.

She gave me a pointed look and said darkly, "He took everything. My family, my home and marked me as un-bondable. I will return the favor ten fold. I will kill everyone he loves. Destroy everything he ever cared for."

She is definitely fucking insane. I had to get out of here. I had to get out here and fast. I closed my eyes and focused, sensing the two sentinels in the front.

She laughed, and patted my cheek and leaned into my face, "Don't do anything stupid, little warlock, you'll find yourself regretting it."

I breathed, pulled my head back, and rammed my forehead into hers as hard as I could, she stumbled backwards and smacked her head on the side of the van, effectively knocking herself out. I really hadn't thought that would work.

"Sorry!" I said to her, "I'm really sorry. I'd never normally hit a girl, but it's an emergency and you've clearly gone mad."

I looked at the locks on my hands and whispered, "Aliese," unlocking them. I made my way over to Morgause to inspect her injury, and right as I placed my hand on her. She opened her eyes and pain exploded in my mind, I tried to pull back but she grabbed my arm.

"I warned you, you'd regret it."

The pain was unbearable and it made my empathy go haywire. I wasn't sure what happened, but before I knew it, the van hit something and began rolling out of control. Morgause and I bounced around the van, unable to catch ourselves until we finally stopped. I'd banged my head and probably broken something, but miraculously I was still awake. I looked around and found that I was actually laying on the van's roof. I was laying there because apparently the van was upside down. It seems our trusty drivers had somehow managed to get us into an accident. I slowly sat up, but the movement caused me to hurl. When I stopped, I saw Morgause laying on the floor near the front… Or the back. I was pretty disoriented. I crawled to her, but I wasn't going to make the same mistake of touching her again, so instead, I waited until I could assure myself she was still breathing and began trying to find an exit.

The windows were all broken and crushed, but there was just enough space for me to crawl out from one of them. I was suddenly extremely grateful I wasn't some over muscled jock. Otherwise I'm not sure how I would've gotten out of there.

I shakily stood up and found a crowd and lots of flashing lights around us. I took a few wobbly steps before someone reached out to grab me, "Hey! This kid is alive!" he yelled out.

I took a moment to gain my equilibrium before I pulled away from him. I wasn't sure where I was, but I had to get away from here before these people found me again. I started to run to the crowd and as I neared them they actually parted from me. I heard someone shout, "Where's he going?" but no one tried to stop me. I ran into an alley and came out on another street.

I spotted a cab near me and jumped in, "Off duty," the driver said.

"Please," I begged, "This is an emergency."

"Listen, kid," he started, but stopped when he turned back to look at me, "What the hell? You're bleeding."

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Where?" he asked incredulously, "This is London, kid, and it looks like you need to go to the hospital. Get out and I'll call you an ambulance. You obviously need one if you can't even remember where you are."

"No! No, please don't," I looked around, "I need to get out of here now! Please!"

"No way," he huffed, "I'm not taking responsibility for you."

"Please," I said again and closed my eyes and focused again. I did what I did before and pushed my empathy out towards him.

I opened my eyes to find the driver's face had softened, "Fine. I'll take you where you need to go, but if anyone ever asks, you were never here, got it?" It had worked. It had work and I was quite possibly getting better at it.

"Got it!" I answered.

The driver nodded and pulled into traffic and I let out a breath of relief. He drove for a few minutes before asking, "Well?"

I frowned in confusion, "Well, what?"

He sighed in frustration, "Where the hell am I taking you, kid?"

"Oh right." Fuck. What did I know about London? My aunt lived here, but for the life of me I couldn't remember the address, "Um the tube?"

"You really don't know where you're going, do you?"

"I'm not from here," I answered, "I have to try and find a way to get back home."

"Where are you from?"

"Albion," I answered.

"Albion?" he frowned, "I think I've heard of it. That's quite a ways from here, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I frowned, "It is."

"Not sure if the tube will take get you there," he commented.

"I know, but I think it's a better idea than running around in circles on the street."

"I suppose," he nodded. It was only a ten-minute drive to the nearest tube station. He let me out and I walked down the flight of steps. How long had it been since I've stepped foot in one of these? Or been anywhere near here?

I looked around and located a bathroom first. Looking myself in the mirror was necessary and most definitely unpleasant. I cleaned the blood off my face and arms as best as I could and tried to stop the bleeding from my forehead. I wracked my brain for any healing spells I could think of, but I could only remember one. So much for all that studying. One nasty blow and it all went out the window.

I sighed, hoping for the best, "Þurhhæle dolgbenn." Luckily enough it did heal the cut on my forehead, I tried it again on some other bad cuts I had and decided it was good enough. I really shouldn't be staying in one place for too long.

I walked out of the bathroom, only to remember that I didn't have any money. What the hell was I going to do in the tube? I stopped and looked around and noticed someone sitting in a seat. A ticket sticking out of their bag. I knew I was going to feel extremely guilty about this later, but I couldn't let the opportunity go, I _had_ to get out of here.

I focused on the ticket and carefully made it come to me. Taking my time to make sure it went unnoticed. Thankfully, my effort didn't go in vain, since it was a valid ticket. I asked for directions from one of the passersby and jumped in as soon as it arrived. I wasn't entirely sure where I was heading, but right now anywhere other than here seemed for the best.

Finally, when we started moving I allowed myself to relax a bit. I didn't mean for it, but before I knew it, exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep.

* * *

I jolted awake when I felt someone patting my leg.

"Tsk, tsk," Morgause chided, "You've cause quite some trouble, little warlock."

I looked at Morgause and then looked around to see 5 very strong looking men surrounding us, "Fuck." How long had I been asleep for?

"Did you really think you'd be able to get away that easily from us?" she laughed, "So very naïve you are. You've actually made things a little easier."

I tried to move away from her but she gripped my knee, "You're not going anywhere, but where I tell you. You're going to come with us and you'll do it quietly, otherwise, there's no telling what I or my friend might do."

"Are you sure about that? I mean, look how well that worked out last time."

She frowned, " _That_ was something I hadn't counted on, but now, I have back up and I'm well prepared for your little tricks."

"You have no way out of this, come quietly or," she grinned, "I'll _make_ you come."

I didn't know what she meant, but the look in her eyes made me understand that I didn't want to find out. I nodded slowly and she smiled, "Good boy." She stood up and I followed her out of the tube and into another SUV. I sat in between her and some guy.

"Where are we going?"

"That doesn't concern you," she answered.

"Where are we?"

"That doesn't concern you either," she scowled, "Shut up or I will shut you up."

"You know, my sentinel is going find me," I frowned, "We might not be bonded, but he knows who I am. He _will_ find me."

"That's what all of you say," she scoffed, "And not one has ever gotten even close."

"All of us? You're doing this to other people? Selling guides?"

She laughed, "Did you think you were special?"

"You're sick," I said shaking my head, "You are so very, very sick."

Morgause turned to me and slapped me hard, "You better keep quiet, little warlock, my patience is wearing thin with you."

I raised my hand to my cheek. I am so thoroughly fucked. I closed my eyes and stayed quiet for a while, sensing Morgause's anger and stress, not that it was hard to. Morgause expelled out any emotion she felt. All of her feelings were exposed. Anger, pain, hurt. It was all over the place. Suffocating even. I hadn't met an empath who did that. It wasn't pleasant. She was just so open about everything. So different from me. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if her emotions weren't negative, but I doubted that Morgause let much else into her heart.

In a short time, we were on the highway. I guess I wasn't being transferred to a different car this time.

"I think I miss the van," I said out loud, turning to Morgause, "You were more open back then. Nicer even."

The man beside me pulled out a gun and pointed it at me. I looked at it for a few minutes, then because losing my mind was becoming a new hobby for me lately, well, I lost it. Started laughing hysterically and yelling, "What are you gonna do?! Kill me?!" I snorted, "Damaging the merchandise puts a bit of a damper on business, doesn't it?! Who'd want to bond with me if I'm shot?! Are you stupid?!"

"Put the gun away," Morgause ordered.

The guy stuttered, "B-but-"

"Don't question me!" she yelled and he did.

Morgause eyed me and sniffed, "You reek."

I took a deep breath and calmed down before answering, "I didn't get a chance to shower before you took me," I sighed, "Sweat and blood isn't always the best cologne."

She sighed, "Perfect. Stuck in a car with a sweaty, disgusting little thing."

I shrugged, "I don't think I'm the only one to blame for that though," I looked at her, "You're bonded, aren't you?"

Morgause looked at me and gritted her teeth, "Not yet."

"Why would Sentinel Pendragon say you can't bond?"

"Because he's a blind idiot," she stiffened, "Too afraid of me. Of my empathy."

"Because you're a strong empath?" I nodded, "I could see that. I hid my empathy 'cause I was afraid of what would happen to me. Guess I wasn't wrong on that front."

Morgause gave me cold smile, "No, I guess not," she then grabbed my arm and I felt a burst a pain in my head, but before I could react everything just went black and the last thing I remember hearing was her voice saying, "I told you to shut up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!


	10. Let's Get Started

I woke up again feeling like a complete mess. Lead muscles and ramming headache all over again and I can assure you it was just as bad the second time as the first, at least, thankfully this time we weren’t moving.

I sat up with a jolt, looking around crazily. I’m not moving. As the dizziness cleared from my eyes, I realized that I was no longer in a vehicle. I was in what looked like an office. Where had they taken me?

I tried to get up from my spot on the floor only to realize my hands had been chained again. Ugh seriously? I was feeling even worse than before, and leaned my head up against the wall. There was pain shooting up my right leg and my arm felt like it was on fire. Everything felt so sore. I think I was finally feeling what the accident had done to me. So much for my adrenaline rush, how the hell was I supposed to get out of here if I could barely keep my head up?

I closed my eyes and thought of Arthur’s icy blue eyes. Deep and gentle at the same time. I could drown in them if he’d let me. I let out an involuntary whimper. Where _was_ he? I couldn’t sense him like I did at school and I needed so badly his calming, maddening, terrifying presence to orient myself with. How could I had not realized how quickly I had begun to count on him?

Morgause had said that the guides she takes never see their sentinels again. Mostly likely they were taken out of the country. I could NOT let that happen to me.

I sighed looking around the room, no phone, internet, no outside contact and I had no idea where I was. How was I going to get out of this?

A quick scan told him there were 4 guards posted outside my door, which included a guide and a wizard. I groaned loudly and took another slow look around the room. There was a small air vent, but it was too small to fit. Then I looked at it again, I could try to leave a message in there, if they manage to track this place down, they’ll know I had been here. I rolled my eyes at my chains. I guess they didn’t learn their lesson the first time around. I quickly said the incantation and got free from the chains and crawled my way over to the vent. I didn’t know if anyone would ever see it, but I had to take my chances. Hopefully, I wouldn’t burn an entire wall down or something. 

I took a deep breath to settle my nerves and took off the grate. I focused my energy and created a small flame in my hand. Smiling at my small triumph. I wasn’t far too experienced at handling fire, but if I was going to go for a message, then there was only one thing I could do with this. I focused on the shape of the fire and formed it into what looked like a dragon. I grinned, Arthur would probably like it if he saw it, I carefully guided the flame into the vent and burned the shape into the wall. Any sentinel could tell it was placed there recently by the smell, but, hopefully, Arthur would get the message. I placed the grate back carefully over the vent and gazed at the door warily for several minutes, before letting out a breath in relief. It’s unlikely that nobody noticed, so either they weren’t worried about what I was doing or something else was more pressing.

I looked at the door again and used my empathy to sense the guards again. If I wanted a chance in hell to get out of here I _had_ to work fast. What had I done in that van to cause the accident? Could I repeat it? Attack them all at once and strong enough so that I could have a chance of coming out of it ahead. I scowled at the door in frustration and moved the desks from the wall in front it. I doubted with two sentinels and a wizard it would do me much good, but I didn’t see much for defense options in here.

I cringed at the thought of what I was about to do, but I didn’t have many choices here. Anyway, I looked at it, I couldn’t see this ending well for me.

I just needed to knock them out, somehow, if I focused enough I might have a chance at doing this. Or at least that’s what my best plan was. Not like I do this every day, but I knew Arthur wouldn’t want me to give up and if I could slow whatever it was they were planning by even just a little bit, it might give Arthur enough time to find me.

I looked around the room suspiciously until I found what I was looking for. A camera, of course they were watching my every move. I only saw the one in here and rolled my eyes, quickly burning the thing up before I had even thought about it. I’d have to try and keep in mind to watch out for them. I shook myself off trying to ignore my body’s demand for rest and sucked in a deep breath.

Now or never.

I washed my empathy over my guides and felt an immediate push back from the guide, he was on alert now, no doubt they had told them I was up to something.

“This might hurt,” I whispered in warning and focused all my energy towards my empathy expelling it and letting it press on the guide’s shields. It was a first for me, to allow myself to simply let all of it flow from me. I hadn’t realized how much I kept this part of myself blocked off. My shields were strong, I sensed them fully, I could almost picture them, like castle walls surrounding me, only allowing those that I let in. I smiled, I might have a chance at this yet. I thought of how Arthur had made me feel stronger, how in a brief second I had felt my shields and strength multiply and imagined him with me. Feeling myself get a boost in energy at the thought. I put more pressure on the guide’s shield and felt it begin to buckle. It was like a thin piece of paper to me. I frowned, was that unusual?

I shrugged the thought off and forced myself to concentrate on my task. I could ask stupid questions later. Finally, I just let loose the final grip I had on my empathy, and just let it all stream through me. Once I did it, I couldn’t even attempt to tamper it down, I felt my empathy force itself through the other guide’s shield like a loose animal. I smirked again, no, a dragon. I envisioned it roaring and burning everything down in its vicinity and without much effort I knew they had been defeated. No match for the beast. I heard a few thumps, the sounds of their bodies hitting the floor and I knew it hadn’t just been my imagination. The dragon I had pictured had destroyed their shields and attacked them, but it hadn’t ended there, the dragon came into my room and looked at me. He seemed to take up almost the entire room, he scales were different colors and he looked exactly the kind of thing you’d find in a picture book. I could tell from his eyes that there was something he wanted to say, but couldn’t. I felt confused as I watched him, I felt like I knew him. Like I’ve known him my whole life, but there was no way. He was just something from my imagination. I shook my head at him and began to reel my empathy back in. I wanted to explore the dragon more, but I didn’t have the time right now. The dragon nodded at me solemnly and disappeared as I got my empathy back to my normal, mute-like status.

I had no real understanding with what had just happened. I had just let my empathy take control, envisioned it protecting me and hadn’t focused on much else of what had happened. I imagined, I had done something similar to what Morgause had done to me in the SUV, it had been painful, but effective and had made me pass out. I winced at the thought of doing the same and hoped that whatever it is I had managed to do was less painful.

I moved the desk away from the door and took careful steps to what could be a disaster. Get a grip, Merlin. I scolded myself and whispered my new favorite spell, opening the door to see 4 bodies lying on the ground. “Sorry,” I cringed and l peered around for more cameras. Spotting three in the hall, I burned them all up, before checking everybody’s pulse. They were unconscious, but seemed unhurt and I let out a sigh in relief. Glad, I hadn’t done anything too damaging.

I studied the hallway and noticed several doors on both sides, I waited several minutes before starting to reach out with my empathy again, attempting to gain as much information on any guards nearby. I frowned as I noticed four immediately close guides. I assumed in the rooms near me, but nothing nearby as per the guards, hardly been any in the building, but there was more than enough outside, in the surrounding area. I counted at least 50.  Ten sentinels spread out the furthest, I assumed the perimeter. Maybe that’s why they didn’t think I’d get too far.

I looked at a door to my left and walked slowly to it. It could be a trap or it could be another guide. Trapped like me. I had to take the chance and find out. If it was another guide there’s no way I could ignore it. I hesitated before opening the door. Seeing a man chained in the far corner of the room. He was older than I was, probably in late mid to late twenties. He was blond, with a strong face, and very well-muscled. Bruises and cuts littered his skin from what I could see. His blond He gazed at me with piercing eyes and frowned, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Someone trying to escape,” I answered, “What about you?”

I felt his empathy surround me, before his eyes widened, “You’re strong.”

“Or so they say, but vastly untrained,” I responded.

“Go on then,” he nodded, “I know you want to.”

I nodded at his consent and used my empathy to read him like he did me. He had parts in his mind blocked, but that was ok. From what I could see he was pretty genuine. “I just came online 3 months ago,” he sighed, “Not much training either.”

“I’ve been hiding for years,” I answered.

He grinned, “Can’t blame you. Fucking took me by surprise. How the hell did you get out of the chains?”

I walked over to him, kneeling down, and quickly unlocked his chains, “I’m not very good, but I can heal you.”

His eyebrows shot up, “Wizard?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, “I’m a double threat.”

He laughed and rubbed his wrists, “One untrained empath ex-soldier and one untrained wizard guide.”

“Triple threat?” I asked, “We’re definitely something. We’re not the only ones here though. I felt three others.”

He nodded at me, “Your name?”

“Merlin,” I nodded.

“Percival,” he shared, while standing up, “Well, Merlin, let’s go check these other guides out.”

“I was drugged before I got here, are you ok to move?”

Percival scratched his neck and nodded, “Yeah. Whatever they gave me had me messed up for a while.”

“Like I said before,” I began, “I’m not very good, but I can heal those cuts.”

“No need,” he shook his head, “I’m fine. Save your energy.”

I gave him a pointed look, so he sighed and added, “If it hurts I’ll tell you.”

I nodded, unwilling to push the issue due to our current circumstances and lead the way out of the room, stopping directly in the room in front of his. I gave him a quick look before unlocking the door.

“Fuck,” Percival frowned behind me, “Another kid.”

I nodded, “Fuck indeed.” The kid was younger than me, but not by much, “You do know most guides come online around 10 or so?”

Percival shook his head as the kid made a whimpering sound. I shushed Percival as I studied the brown-haired boy, he was scrawny, probably around 14. “It’s ok, we’re not here to hurt you,” I said softly.

“W-who are you?” the boy asked.

“Just two guides, trying to get out. We were trapped here, like you,” I answered.

The boy looked at both of us up and down, “How did you get out?”

I stepped towards him, “I’ll show you,” but before I could make it any further, Percival’s hand grasped my shoulder.

“Let me do this first,” he answered. I hesitated before consenting and letting him step in front of me. I watched as Percival scanned the boy and gave a look of satisfaction before allowing me to continue towards him.

As I knelt beside him I asked, “What’s your name?”

The boy waited until I unlocked his chains before answering, “Daegal. You’re a wizard?”

“Yes, I’m Merlin. That’s Percival, he just came online.”

“I came online when I was 3,” he answered.

“That’s really young,” Percival let out.

“I’m one of the youngest ever to come online.”

“So I’m a wizard guide, you’re probably one of the oldest people to come online,” I said looking at Percival and then turning back to Daegal, “And you’re one of the youngest. I’m starting to sense a theme here.”

They both stayed quiet for a moment before Percival added, “We’re all a bit unusual?”

“Rarities,” I nodded, “Perfect for a private collector,” I scowled, “Fuck. These people are sick.”

“What?” Daegal looked at me wide-eyed, “What do you mean?”

I furrowed my brows as I looked at him, “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, Daegal, but we were brought here to be sold to whatever buyer was willing to pay the most for us.”

“S-sold?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, but as I watched the fear in his eyes, I knew I couldn’t waver. There were no ifs, ands, and buts about it, I _had_ to get out of here. With renewed spirits, I placed my hand on his shoulder, “But don’t worry, because one way or another I’m getting us the fuck out of here. I can’t disappoint my sentinel after all.”

“You have a sentinel?” Percival asked, “Your un-bonded.”

“You can’t bond until you’re 17,” answered Daegal, “I’ve met my sentinel, too.”

“Oh,” he nodded.

I helped Daegal stand up and he straightened up with a firm look he agreed, “One way or another.”

I turned to Percival and smirked, “Alright soldier-boy after we visit the other two guides, we’re getting out. You in?”

Percival grinned, “As if you could stop me from coming,” and so amid what felt like an absolute mess, I felt like I was starting to gain some solid ground again.

We _were_ going to get out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. Belated update. I know. BUUUTTT I have good reasons... you know... work and stuff... and that hospital stay and yeah... just getting myself back up and going, don't worry, although, admittedly this chapter does feel a little weak, it's just the start. I hope you enjoy and please tell me what you think!


	11. Ready or Not

The three of us made it back to the hallway and walked several doors down to the next room. The two watched me as I quickly opened the door and looked inside the room. A girl this time and not just any girl, one I recognized. I frowned as she looked up at me, a deep scowl on her face and chained like the rest of us, but, otherwise, seemingly unharmed.

“You’re-“

“Helen,” she quipped, “I demand to be released at once! Do you even realize what kind of trouble you’ll be in once people realize I’m gone?”

My eyes widened in recognition at the name. The beautiful dark haired girl with a strong face and anger in her eyes was none other than, “Y-you mean you’re THE Lady Helen? Like the singer?”

Percival let out a whistle by my side, “Sure looks like her.”

“I love your songs!” Daegal almost squealed by my side, pushing past me, “It’s an honor to meet you!”

“Yes it’s an honor,” she preened, “Now let me go, cretin!”

“We aren’t the ones who caught you, princess,” Percival rolled his eyes at her, “We were brought here like you. We’re trying to escape.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and huffed, “And why should I believe you?”

Percival pointed at his bruises and then mine, “Would we be in this kind of a shape if we were working with these arseholes?”

Helen contemplated him for a moment, before nodding in agreement, “How did you lot get out then, if you were chained up like me?”

“Merlin’s a wizard,” announced Daegal, “He got us out and, apparently, did a number on some guards in the hallway,” he said grinning at me, “Didn’t think we'd miss that, did you?”

I gave him a smile and shrugged, “All in a day’s work, I guess.”

I looked at Percival, and made a hand gesture towards Helen, “If you would, please.”

Percival nodded and took a few minutes to check Helen, before nodding at me, “Let her loose.”

I narrowed my eyes at the lock and said the spell under my breath, before grinning, “I’m really starting to get better at that.”

Helen immediately took the chains off her wrists and stood, “So you’re planning to escape? What’s the plan?”

I shifted in my feet and shrugged, “Don’t know, yet. Letting all of you free is my first step and, since none of us even know where we are,” I shrugged again, “We’ll just have to improvise after I let the last guide out.”

Helen growled, “Excellent. I’m stuck trying to escape the clutches of a madman with complete fools.”

“Madman?” I asked.

She looked at me pointedly, “He was in my room when I awoke,” then looked away, “He was a very strong and gallant man. A sentinel.”

“Yes,” agreed Percival mockingly, “All gallant men are kidnapping criminals,” he looked at me and said, “There was no-one there when I woke up.”

“Me neither,” answered Daegal shrugging.

“There were plenty of guards when I was captured, but the only ones I saw when I got here where the ones in the hallway,” I looked at Helen, “There was a woman involved, telling them what to do. Not a man. I guess we should go see what the last guide has to say. You’re uninjured, then?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Let’s get moving,” I answered, turning around and heading back towards the hallway to the door I sensed the last guide’s presence. I glanced at Percival before opening the door and saying, “And behind door number four…” I looked at the girl sitting on the floor, confusion in her eyes. Her blond hair tied back in a ponytail, wearing a t-shirt and dirty jeans, “And you are?” I asked.

She looked at me and frowned, “You’re not one of them?”

I shook my head no, before she answered, “Elena. I’m the heiress of Godwin Enterprises,” she furrowed her brow, “Do you know why they brought me here?”

“To be sold off to a sentinel from what I was told. I’m Merlin,” I gestured towards Percival, “This is Percival and the two behind me is Helen and Daegal. We’re going to try to get out.”

“Hello,” she waved at them, “Will you allow me to join you?”

“There are no guarantees, but, of course, that’s what we came in here for,” I responded.

“Then I want to come with you,” she agreed readily, “Can you free me?”

I released the lock and she smiled, “Wonderful,” she said standing up.

“Do you remember anything that happened to you so far?”

“Not really,” she cringed, “I’d ran away from my body guards and then was attacked. When I woke up, I was here.”

“Pretty much the same as the rest of us,” I smiled, “It’s alright, we’ll figure this all out together. Let’s get going, I don’t know how long it’ll be before they start sending people to check on us.”

Elena quickly followed us out to the hallway and peered at Helen, “It’s you.”

Helen made a face at her, “Whatever.”

I arched my brow as I looked at them both and Elena shook her head at me, “We’ve met.”

“Alright, where to now, Merlin?” Percival asked.

“Uh,” I answered looking down the end of the hallway, “Looks like there might be a window that way. Good a start as any.” I made my way to it and found it had been barred up, not exactly reassuring. I took a moment to view as much as I should from the outside and whispered, “Maybe there’s a tunnel somewhere… Not exactly sure how we can get through all those guards. Most of them are sentinels and guides after all.”

“We could just use are empathy on them,” Helen suggested.

“And what about the others? The mutes and the several wizards around? We might be taken down before we even get a chance. There’s too many,” I answered, “We have to try and find another way, a full frontal bare down isn’t going to get us very far even if we do manage to get past those fences.”

Percival took several minutes before agreeing, “Merlin’s right. There’s too few of us, too many of them and they have weapons. The one’s that I can see have definitely had some training or experience. They aren’t just regular people and we have no idea how strong any of them really are or how strong the guides’ shields are.”

“Don’t exactly know what kind of tunnels this place has, if any, it’s probably some type of sewer system and there’d definitely be no surprise if it was guarded,” I answered resolutely, “Should be way less guarded, until they catch up to us, of course.”

“We could try to create a distraction. Once we figure out our best escape plan.”

“I’m not to that great at using my magic, but I’m ok with fire and explosions, unless anyone else has other suggestions?” I asked.

“Alright, let’s start looking around then. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find a map,” Daegal said.

“Fine, but let’s stay close together. It’ll be our best chance,” Percival accepted.

“Merlin,” Elena said quietly when we began to walk away from the window and to the right. I stopped turning to look at her, arching my brow, “I don’t know much about using magic,” she began, “But I did have a good friend who was sorceress. She told me once that magic is all about your emotions. You have to really want something to make it work right.”

I smiled at her, “Thank you, Elena. I’ll keep that in mind, any suggestions on using my empathy? I have no training on either thing other than the few times I’ve used it.”

She grinned, “Well, empathy is much the same. I’ve never attacked anyone with it, but basically it’s controlling the emotions you intake and expel. To attack someone with empathy, you’re basically expelling strong negative emotions towards them, it’s how you break down their shields. You do it hard enough and you can knock someone out, send a sentinel into a zone or a guide into a swoon, but doing it too hard and it can lead to mental harm or even death, but then there’s the “spirit world” or entering a sentinel or guide’s “mind space.” You can attack them that way too, but it’s more complex.”

“How so?” I nodded as I watched Percival open the door to a stairwell.

“Can you speak up? I’m a latent,” he said, “I want to hear this, too.”

“Sure!”

Percival started to go down, “Oh and keep alert everyone.”

I nodded, “I think I’ve done the mind thing. Guiding sentinels and I’ve definitely broken a shield or two, but I hardly know a thing about spirit animals or the spirit world.”

“Well the first thing you need to know about the spirit world is your spirit animal,” Daegal added, “Can’t even enter it without ‘em and, secondly, you should _not_ go there alone your first several times. It’s hard to traverse, you can get lost in there forever and never come back, although, admittedly, if you’re bonded your sentinel might be able to find you in there and save you, but sentinels don’t generally travel the spirit world alone either. Still there are a lot of benefits on learning how to use the spirit world, like in this situation, if any of us were bonded, we could use the spirit world to reach are sentinels and talk to them, maybe even give them a sense of direction to find us.”

“Why do you need to be bonded if you already know your sentinel?” Percival asked.

“Because it’s the bonding link that will allow you to find them in the spirit world, otherwise, you’ll just be running around aimlessly,” Helen huffed, shaking her head, “You two don’t know _anything_ , do you?”

“How can you tell when you found your sentinel?” Percival asked, “You just know? I know there are matchmakers out there, do they just match you up somehow?”

“You feel it,” I answered breathlessly at the thought of Arthur, “I knew it the second I saw him. I don’t even know how I know, but soon as I saw him I knew. Felt it everywhere. Scared the living crap out of me.”

Percival chuckled, “Good to know. At least, I know what to watch out for on that line.”

“After you bond, it’s supposed to be even better. That feeling, I mean, and being able to read their emotions on automatic, being connected to them all the time.”

“I wonder how that would feel,” I said musingly.

“It depends on the strength on the bond or something,” Helen answered, “I’ve heard those who initiate a platonic bond feel it only very slightly at first.”

“Slightly?” I thought for a second, “It wouldn’t be anything like random bursts of energy or some type of feeling, would it?”

Helen paused and turned fully around towards me, “I have heard it describe similarly, you’ve initiated a bond?”

“I don’t know _how_ to initiate a bond, Helen,” I said rolling my eyes.

“It’s not like it’s supposed to be hard,” Daegal looked at me, “I mean I’ve never done it, but it’s something along the lines of lowering your shields and accepting him as your sentinel.”

I thought back to when I let my shields down for Arthur, the feeling, had I accepted him as my sentinel? Did I accidentally start a platonic bond with him? Without even knowing it? Is that why I was feeling stronger? Feeling strange surges of hope and resilience? Determination? I wasn’t even as scared as I should be, so certain that, somehow, I will find him again. Then I felt it again, the odd sensation, a positive push of emotions at me. I’d been just taking it in, figuring it was something like adrenaline or my mind trying to keep me from completely breaking down, “I’m not old enough to bond,” I whispered, “I’m only 16 and I _just_ met him.”

“Maybe it was done in duress? Spontaneous bondings have been known to occur, especially during battle,” Percival answered, “I’ve seen it.”

“It’s possible, but they were probably over the bonding age. Can’t imagine anyone under 18 being allowed in the military,” Elena nodded.

“If they’re a perfect match, maybe,” Deagle added, “I’ve read about it.”

“Are you talking about the ‘Windsor guide chronicles’? You realize those books are fiction, don’t you?” Helen countered skeptically.

“You don’t know that for sure, no-one’s ever met the author, he writes under a penname, it could be just as real as anything else,” Daegla shot back, “No-one ever said that, besides they didn’t technically fully bond, they just initiated it, it’s possible.”

“How can I know for sure?” I asked, “Is there something I could do?”

“Yes! Of course! You can feel his emotions, right? Why don’t you focus on that link and try to send some emotions through to him too?” Elena clapped excitedly.

“Right,” I nodded sarcastically, “So simple.” I closed my eyes and tried to focus on that feeling. Sighing, I had no idea what I was doing. Find a ‘link’ she says, what the hell did that even mean? I scratched the thought and just cleared my head, focusing on thoughts of Arthur and frowned, that wasn’t getting me anywhere.

“Enter your ‘mind scape’ first,” Helen scoffed.

“Right,” I sighed, “I know how to do that.” Which I thought I did, but never quite knew if I was doing it right. I focused on my empathy this time and drew myself into my mind, ignoring everything else. My mind was probably different than most people’s, I imagined, It was kind of big and electrically charged, everywhere you moved was a static shock, and it was all passage ways and tunnels that never lead anywhere and made absolutely zero sense to me. Gwen had told me that guide’s minds were different than sentinels, more emotionally based than rational, my but mind was like a maze that had no end, the only thing to break the tunnels was the one escalator. I didn’t know where it went off to, but I was afraid of it. I imagine it lead to worst parts of my mind, somewhere I could lose myself in. I avoided it all costs. I looked around and sighed, where exactly was I supposed to even start? Except I already knew where to go. A simple thought of Arthur and I was already zooming through the tunnels without stopping, I knew precisely where to go. Right to the middle of the maze and I saw it. The connection. It was beautiful and bright and shining, but thin. Fragile, I placed my hand on it and felt it vibrating with energy and nearly cried at the burst of happiness at the feeling of it. I haven’t lost him, I had him right here with me this entire time. I didn’t know how to send anything through it, so I just placed both my hands on it and imagined sending a charge of electricity through it and I wasn’t sure if it worked, but to my surprise I felt a charge come back. It had worked, it was him, I knew it automatically. No words, just emotions, just him and me and our connection. I was so distracted by the connection that I almost missed the flash of grey out of the corner in my eye. I turned to it and saw it whisking into a tunnel. I looked back at the link, not wanting to leave it unguarded. I created a shield around it and strengthened it as best as I could before, taking off after the grey.

I dashed after it as it swirled in and out of tunnels, turning every which way, until finally it stopped in front of a door and disappeared. I studied the door, it was a swirl of colors with an intricate design of a dragon embedded into it. I’d never seen it before, either it was new or maybe I’d never found it in here before. I hesitated before pushing it open and what I saw…. Was nothing. There was nothing behind the door, I could see through it. Was my mind playing weird tricks on me? I furrowed my brows and stepped through the door.

It was a weird sensation, when I made it through the other side, my body wasn’t really substantial anymore, or as substantial as it seemed in my mind scape. My body felt like it was buzzing and as I took noticed of my surroundings, I knew I wasn’t anywhere near my mind scape anymore, I was in the middle of what looked like a forest. Deep woods in all directions. I looked back at the door and it remained open.

“Merlin,” a voice surprised me, I turned back around to and saw him. The majestic dragon I had seen earlier. My breath caught in my throat, “You,” I choked out.

“Yes, I’ve been waiting for you, young warlock,” the dragon answered back.

“But you’re a dragon,” I gaped, “And you’re talking.”

The beast rolled its eyes at me, “I’m your spirit animal, Merlin.”

“My s-spirit animal is a dragon?” I spluttered.

“I have a name,” he growled out.

“And that would be?” I asked still baffled.

“You know my name, Merlin.”

And I did. It was on the tip of my tongue.

“Kilgharrah,” I whispered.

The dragon smiled at me and nodded. “Where am I?”

“You know that, too.”

“I’ve never been here before.”

“We don’t have time for this, you know where you are.”

“The spirit world,” I answered, “But how? I’ve never seen this door?”

Kilgharrah sighed, “You were so intent on keeping your empathy hidden, that you blocked several parts of your mind. This and I, being one of them. You do not know how powerful you truly are, young warlock, but we do not have time to further get into to this. I will say this only once, do not come back in here without me. Do not walk this world without me. I will take you to your sentinel, you must strengthen your bond. You must help him find you.”

“You’ll take me to Arthur?” I nodded, “Ok. But I have a lot of questions. Not today, but next time, you’ll answer them?”

Kilgharrah gave me an annoyed look, “I will guide you as you need it,” he answered vaguely, “Now focus. Think of your sentinel and look.”

I nodded and did what I was told and saw it. The link, small and all sparks, my Arthur. I looked back up to Kilgharrah to see a look of approval in his face, “Follow it. Focus on nothing else or you may lose your way. I will come with you, but you must hurry, we do not have much time.”

I focused on the link and began following it, picking up speed as I gained confidence in my stride, running as I followed the link, ignoring all the odd creatures and shapes I saw as I ran through. It felt like a long run, until I made it to the place I knew I had to be. Which was apparently a lake and sitting on the edge of a lake was red and white Bengal tiger. Looking tediously into the distance. It was one of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen.

“Espen,” Kilgharrah called out and the tiger turned to face us yawning. He stood up and moved to reveal Arthur behind him. “Merlin?”

“Arthur!” I called out and ran the rest of the way to him, “Arthur! Fuck, Arthur, I’m your guide! I’m sorry! I was scared. I’m a wizard! Fuck, Arthur!” Arthur ran towards me, saying, “It’s ok. I’m not mad, I just want you home. Where are you?” When we met, we tried to hug, but, of course, being practically translucent, we just went right through each other and stopped, “Wow,” I whispered and Arthur looking at his hands through my arms answered at the same time, “That feels…”

“Yeah,” I said blushing and stepping away, “That was unexpected.” The feeling I got from touching him was intense, the mixture of both of our energies was indescribable. Good. Amazing. I didn’t know, but I wanted to do it again.

Arthur cleared his throat and nodded, “Right. Where are you?” he asked again.

I shook my head, “I don’t know, they drugged me, but there was this girl, her name is Morgause. She’s involved and we’re at this abandoned warehouse, but we’re still in the country. I caused a car accident, but I have no idea when that was.”

“The one in London? We know about it, we tracked you as far as the tube, but, somehow, the video cut out after that. Morgause?”

“She’s a guide, she said your dad took everything from her. That he said she couldn’t bond,” I added, “That’s got to be a clue. She was in the van when they took me and in the tube when they found me again.”

“I’ll look into her,” Arthur nodded, “Who’s we?”

“Huh?”

“You said ‘we are in an abandoned warehouse.’ Who’s we?”

“Oh,” I nodded, “There’s four other guides with me. They got taken away too. Um The one is called Percival, he said he’s the oldest guide to come online and it just happened 3 months ago. The other is Daegal, he said he was the youngest guide to come online, then two girls, the famous singer Lady Helen and Elena, she said she’s the heiress of Godwin Enterprises. See? There’s a pattern, we’re all “commodities,” you know? Different in some way. Apparently, they’ve been doing this kinda thing for a while.”

“That’s good, Merlin,” Arthur nodded, “We have something more solid to work with. Any other names of anyone involved?”

“No,” I frowned, “I don’t know any others. I do know we’re in an abandoned building with over fifty sentinel, guides, wizards, and mutes guarding us. We’re trying to find a way out.”

Arthur shook his head, “No. You might get hurt, you’re safe, just find a place to hide and we’ll find you.”

I rolled my eyes, “First of all, I already got hurt and healed myself. Secondly, I’m not going to sit around here and make it easy for them to move us. Thirdly, we’re trying to find a safe way to get out, we’re not being stupid about it and Percival was in the army, I’m sure that’ll help somehow. We’ll find a way and you can’t do anything to stop me anyway.”

Arthur frowned at me, “Merlin, please, I already lost you once.”

I frowned right back and said, “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m not going to do anything because I am. Just try and find this place. I left a mark on the room they kept me in, so you know it’s here, whether I’m here or not.”

Arthur opened his mouth to speak again, but Kilgharra interrupted him, “That’s enough. You have your information, now you must strengthen your bond and we must return.”

I looked at Kilgharra and back at Arthur and grinned, “Ok, after this is all over, I do want to go over the fact that my spirit animal is a dragon and yours is a cat, just sayin’.”

Arthur grinned back at me, “Shut up, you dolt, mine’s a tiger.”

“Which is essentially a big cat,” I smirked.

Kilgharra growled at me and I shrugged, “Ok, ok, what do we do?”

“You must accept each other as a bonded pair. You must share your energies,” the tiger spoke up, in a female voice and walked over to sit by Arthur.

Arthur nodded and shrugged at me, “Uh I accept you, Merlin.”

Kilgharra huffed in annoyance and I shook my head at Arthur. Thought for a second and stepped over to him until I was standing, literally, inside his body, “Like this, I think.”

“Oh,” Arthur sighed. I relaxed into Arthur and closed my eyes, smiling in delight, allowing myself to just defuse and let everything I felt just flow from me to Arthur. Arthur must’ve done the same, because I felt it and it felt even better. I could feel our senses blending more and more, until I didn’t know where I ended and he began. I’d never felt more complete.

“We must go now, young warlock,” Kilgharra’s voice pulled me from my trance, “Or you will be in danger.”

Espen nodded, “Arthur.”

Arthur and I stepped away from each other, “I will see you soon,” I promised.

Arthur hesitated, before nodding resolutely, “Yes.”

I tore my eyes away from Arthur and Kilgharra eyed the other half of the link. The one leading me back and I nodded and began walking the way we came, then I ran. I ran because I didn’t want to wait a minute longer before I got back to Arthur and the only way I would manage that was outside of the spirit world. I needed to get back to Arthur. Everything inside me vibrated with that emotion and, before I knew it, I was stepping through the door and opening my eyes to see the four other guides, watching me with avid curiosity.

“Merlin? You alright?” Percival asked.

“I’m fine,” I answered.

“You were glowing,” Helen whispered, “What happened?”

“Glowing?”

“For a second, your body just lit up, but it stopped,” Elena added.

I blushed, “I went to the spirit world. I found my sentinel, I told him everything we know, he’s looking for us. He has lots of people looking for us.”

“Just who is your sentinel exactly?” Percival asked cynically.

I blushed as I answered, “Arthur Pendragon.”

“Wait,” Helen’s eyes bulged out, “Like the alpha prime?”

I nodded, “Yeah, that’s him.”

“What?” Percival looked at her, "What about him?"

“He’s the leader of all the sentinels, his father has been moving heaven and earth to find him a guide,” Daegal gasped, “Oh yeah, I’m sure every sentinel in the country under his lead is looking for you.”

I nodded, “Let’s keep going. Oh and we are platonically bonded. Purely by accident on my part,” I shrugged.

We began making our way down the stairs, four flights down until we reached the end, all the while, Deagel mumbled on and on about perfect matches and the sentinel prime to Percival.  

“Think this place has a basement?”

“Guess we’ll find out,” Percival answered, “Let me take a peek before we step out there.”

I watched him slowly open the door and look out, before stepping out, “There’s no one here.”

I furrowed my brow, “At all?”

“No-one,” he answered, “Come on.”

We all went into what looked like a reception area, old, dusty couches and an empty reception desk. Helen and Elena wandered the space, while I watched the front doors warily. “Here!” Elena said enthusiastically, “More stairs! Going down!”

Everyone else walked towards her, while I continued to watch the door, until Percival announced, “It’s clear, Merlin, come on.”

I turned towards his voice and walked quickly towards the door. Watching Percival jam it behind us, “Should at least slow ‘em.”

“I’m starting to think they don’t really care what we do in here,” I answered.

“We’ll see,” Percival smirked.

One last flight of stairs and we were at what seemed to be the final door.

I straightened up and we all took a breath as Percival opened the door.

“Ready or not,” I whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAM! I'm on a roll! :D Please let me know what you guys think!!


	12. The Game Is On

We all had known it, how many were down there I mean, so when we opened the door and there stood a mute with a gun raised to us…. Well we shouldn’t have been _that_ surprised. Not so surprised that Helen started screeching like a… like a banshee or something. Me? Yeah I just covered my ears, it hadn’t been the first time one of these dolts put a gun to my head, but I couldn’t focus with her screaming into my ear drum, and Percival? He just swung into action. One second he was right in front of me, the next he was wrestling the guy to the floor. This went on until finally, Elena grabbed Helen, twirled her around and slapped her, hard and loud. She shut up and I used my magic to get the gun, glanced at Daegal who stood there in shock, I rolled my eyes at him, awkwardly holding the gun in my hands and bellowed out, “Percival I’ve got it!”

In a flash, Percival flipped the guy over on his back and had him in a choke hold, “Thanks, Merlin,” he laughed.

“Thank Elena, she got the shrieking to stop,” I grinned. The guard passed out and Percival stood back up and glanced at me, “Firstly, you’re holding that wrong,” he snorted, “And, secondly, if she keeps doing that, I’m locking her up in a closet and leaving her here,” he pointed at her shaking his head.

I turned around to look at Helen, “I concur.”

She squeaked, looking shaken, and Elena just shrugged at me, “I don’t know what got into her.”

“He had a gun!”

I scratched my head, “Helen, if you can’t control yourself even just enough to stop screaming, it’s going to be a problem. I get that you’re scared, we all are, but you have to suck it up for now, once we get back home you can scream as much as you want but not right now.”

Helen teared up and took several steps towards me, wrapping her arms on my waist and crying into my chest, I quickly shifted the heavy gun and was grateful to feel Percival tug it from my hand. I held her for a minute and patted her back, “I’m sorry, Helen, but buck up for now, alright?” She nodded into my chest and pulled back from me, wiping the tears off her face, “I’m sorry, I just suddenly got so scared. I’ll do better I promise.”

I nodded, “OK. How’s your cheek?”

“Stings,” she glared at Elena and in return Elena waved her hand exasparedly and answered, “What else would you have me do? I had to get you to be quiet somehow. Merlin couldn’t even think!”

I ignored their bantering and turned to Daegal, “You alright, mate?”

He blinked and nodded slowly, “Shite just got real, huh?”

“Been real, mate,” Percival answered, “Bout time the rest of you realized that. I know, Merlin’s onboard, but are the rest of you still in this? Because if not, I don’t see how it’s going to work. We’re not going to be able to do all the work ourselves. Everyone needs to play their part and be more useful than what just happened.”

Daegal took a deep breath and steeled himself, “Yes,” he said determinedly.

“Yes,” Elena and Helen agreed.

“Alright then,” I sighed, giving Percival a worried look, “Anything else we can take from that guy?”

Percival patted a gun, he’d shoved in his trousers and pointedly looked at a blade he had in his left hand, “Any of you know how to shoot?”

“I do,” Elena answered, “Dad taught me.”

Percival handed her the hand gun and then handed me the knife, “What am I to do with this?”

“Defend yourself,” he answered.

“I’m not good with physical confrontations,” I shrugged, “But I guess, I’ll keep it just in case.”

“You do that,” he smirked.

“Anyways, two from the left, Helen, you good?” Percival gave her look.

She nodded, and I stiffened up, “Can hear ‘em now. Percival get back in here.” I shoved the knife in my back pocket and focused on engaging them with my empathy. I wrapped them up and felt them push back. Percival stepped back in the stairwell, and crouched by the door, gun ready, I followed his lead and everyone else crouched down too. I shook my head and began putting pressure on their shields, “Guide doesn’t seem too tough,” I murmured at Percival, breaking through them quickly.

“Whatever it is you’re doing or going to do. Do it now,” He hissed at me.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” I shot back, but focused negative emotion through to the guide and felt him struggling to repel me to no avail. He couldn’t beat my mental blocks, I hadn’t expected him to, I’d spent far too much time working them. I heard a yelp and a curse, then faster running, “The sentinel.”

“I’ve got him,” whispered Daegal, “Without his guide, it won’t take much.”

“What are you waiting for then?” Elena scolded. Seconds later we heard a thump and Percival peeked around the door and nodded, “This is much easier than I anticipated,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s what I’d thought when I caused the car crash, but they still found me before I could get away properly,” I sighed.

“You didn’t have me then,” he smiled, arching his brow.

I grinned back, “No, I guess I didn’t.”

“If you two would quit flirting, I think now’s a good time to start getting out of this bloody stairwell,” Helen huffed.

I rolled my eyes at her, “So commands the screeching banshee.”

Percival snickered, “Come on then. Left for now?”

“Why not? It’s not like we know where we’re going anyway.”

“Point,” he nodded and stood up. I took a second of taking in our surroundings before joining him. Directly in front of the door, was a huge black pipe, that ran a long both ways, and turned at the end of the hall, together with other smaller ones near it, the right of the wall was bare, except for what looked like emergency lights and warning signs, fluorescent lights flickered in the ceiling, and I could see wiring dangling. The whole thing looked dreary and I shuddered, watching as Percival kept his back against the piping as he walked up. I followed suit, “Where the bloody hell are we?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out.”

“You realize you look like you’re on some mission?” I snickered at him, “You remind me of the Call of Duty game characters walking like that.”

“Did I mention I was recently discharged from the Army? I believe I did,” he mumbled, “So shut up and follow the expert, will you?”

“There are way too many bossy people in this lot,” I huffed back.

“There are three down that way, ae you sure this is the best way to go? You know they know we’re coming,” Daegal supplied.

“Exactly, which makes me think they’re guarding something down this way, hence, why I picked left,” Percival answered quietly.

“He’s got you there, Daegal,” I smiled, “Follow the expert for a reason, yeah?”

“Do you think they’ll shoot at us?” Helen asked quietly.

“These guns are loaded with tranqs,” Percival responded, “They’re not shooting to kill, so don’t worry.”

“Right,” she huffed, “Makes everything better.”

“Don’t know why you’re so worried about getting shot,” I muttered, “I’d be more worried about getting sold.”

“Are you ready, Merlin? Don’t think I’ll get too far with them, if you’re not.”

“Never fought a wizard, but I’ll do my best,” I answered, “Just focus on not getting hurt.”

“Already working on the guide,” Elena answered, “Having a hard time of it, Daegal?”

“Same here, must be stronger than the last,” he winced, “Fuck that hurts.”

“You need to push harder,” Helen grumbled, groaning.

“Shut up,” Elena growled, “I’m trying to concentrate.”

Percival gave me a curious look and I gave him a confused one in return. He stopped walking near the corner, cocking his gun and crouching. I followed his lead, as the sentinel rounded the corner enraged and snarling. Percival didn’t hesitate, two shots directly at his chest, but it still wasn’t fast enough, the sentinel reached for him but he rolled away in time and I scrambled back as the guard rolled around for Percival. I peered carefully around the corner only to stumble back at a blast from the wizard, I shook myself and raising my hand and focusing, “Here goes nothing,” a created a fire and sent it blindly around the corner, before peering around, I hit a pipe and it was spewing steam. I couldn’t see anything past it, I bit my lip and pressed against the wall as I crawled around the steam. I could feel the heat from it, but it didn’t hit me so I avoided burning.

I caught sight of the guide first, kneeled down holding her head in her hands in pain and behind her the wizard a woman, holding her hand to her chest, she spotted me and raised her hand at the same time I did. Power emerging from us both, our magic hitting each other in the air. Hers burned red while mine glowed a deep violet. A battle of control and I was in no way certain I could win. I could feel the it burning through the air, cackling as we both intensified the energy we were expanding. I broke a sweat as I expelled my magic more than I ever had towards her, I could feel it in my veins in my breath. I should’ve been scared, but more than anything I felt free and I embraced that. Felt empowered by it, calmed by it. For the first time in my life, I was showing my empathy and my magic, fully and wholly without fear and damn if I was going to let her stop that. It felt too good. I felt the surge through my magic and with a cry I broke through her power and she crumbled to the floor. I gasped as I lowered my hand, taking deep gulps of air, I crawled to her and checked her pulse. Still alive.

I heard a click and looked up to see a door swinging open. A mute stepping out and I could hardly react as his fist landed on my jaw, I cried as I rolled on the floor, feeling his foot slam into my ribs and then I heard a loud bang and a shout and felt him topple on top of me. Another loud bang and another thump as the second mute who’d step out yelped and hit the floor. I cursed as I tried to remove the heavy body from on top of me. Unable to see what was happening, until someone shoved the body off of me.

“Merlin!” Helen cried as she threw herself on top of me, I hissed at the unneeded pressure placed on my abdomen, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I grunted, trying to sit up, “Helen, please.” She eased up and I saw Daegal kneeling beside her, “Thanks,” I groaned, “Fuck he hit me hard,” I said rubbing my chin, “You two ok?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“Percival? Elena?”

“Right here,” I looked up to see Percival inspecting the guards, taking more weapons, Elena stood shakily by the open door, “I shot them,” she whispered at me worriedly.

“I told you they’re tranqs,” Percival sighed, “They’re fine. Just sleeping.”

“You’re sure?” she said near tears.

“Yes, you can check them yourself,” he answered.

She nodded and gave me a small smile, “Thank you,” I told her.

“You ok, Percival?”

He stood up and turned to look at me, “Yeah, he passed out about 5 of minutes after I shot him, so he didn’t do much damage. You?”

“I got a good kick in the ribs, but I don’t think they’re broken so I’m ok.”

He reached his hand out to me and helped me stand as Elena said, “I saw what you did. Your magic. It was amazing.”

I blushed at the words, “Thanks. That was a first to me,” I grinned at Percival, “You missed the light show.”

He shook his head and smiled back, “I’ll catch the next one. Good thinking busting the pipe.”

I laughed, “That was an accident.”

“You know,” Daegal started, “That guide was well trained and I’m assuming the one you took out was too,” he eyed me carefully, “How on earth did you take the other one out so quickly by yourself?”

I shrugged at him, “Hell if I know.”

“Well I’m glad everyone is ok,” Helen added, “Now let’s see what’s in that room.”

I winced a bit as I moved towards the door, Percival beating me through it. “Security room?” he questioned.

I looked around, seeing cctvs lined up on a desk, “Looks like it.”

“A computer!” Daegal shouted excitedly and hurried to it, “Let’s see…” he mumbled and set about toying with it. I peered at the screens, “I forgot I was supposed to be watching out for cameras, I spotted one in my room and burned it.”

“I can understand how you may have gotten distracted,” Percival said standing behind me, “Look over there. Looks like that might be a way out,” he pointed at one that seemed to lead to a tunnel of sorts, being guarded by four people.

“Yeah, but to where?”

“I might have an answer to that,” Daegal announced and we both turned to him, “I think we’re here,” he said pointing to a spot on a map he’d pulled up.

“Wales?” I furrowed my brow, “They’ve brought us that far already? How’d you figure that out?”

He smirked, “I know my way around a computer.”

“Can you send someone a message?” I asked, “If we could tell Arthur…”

“I could send him an email with the information.”

“Do that then.”

“Sure, what’s his email?”

I shrugged, “Dunno, known the guy less than a week.”

He scowled at me, so I scratched my head, “We can send it to Lance instead, I’m sure Lance could reach him.”

“Alright, what’s Lance’s?”

I smirked as I answered, “tolanceandbeyond. No spaces. Make sure you tell him it’s from me and to tell him to tell Gwen about it. Oh and tell him that the knights better be on this or I’ll curse them all for abandoning me.”

“The knights?” Percival questioned.

“Long story,” I answered.

“Any messages for your sentinel?” Daegal asked.

“Yeah, tell him he better get here soon. My patience is starting to wane a bit.”

Percival snorted behind me, “Gee I wonder why.”

“Let’s get a move on,” huffed Helen.

“Let him finish. Getting them here is our best shot,” Elena said defensively.

I stretched a bit, wincing at the pain and ignoring it. I didn’t have time to focus on those things. “Done,” Daegal answered.

“Let’s go then,” I nodded.

“Give me a minute,” he said, “I have to delete this.” A few minutes later, he stopped and smiled, “I got a reply already. It’s for you.”

I walked over to the screen and looked.

* * *

 

**Merlin!**

**It’s Arthur. Are you ok? Well it’s Arthur and co. We’re all looking for you. Email is being traced as we speak and already have wales people on the line. Lance is currently confused as to how you managed to use the computer and write him an email. He said something about you and technology not being friends. Stay put. I’m already 100% sure you’ve managed to get yourself in trouble in order to send that email. I can’t have you getting injured. You do realize I’m already a raging lunatic over here, don’t you? Gwen is pissed that you didn’t tell her about the guide thing, but that’s a talk between you and her for another day and Morgana wants me to let you know that she knew about the wizard thing, but Mordred disagrees with that and says that if anyone knew anything it would be him. And he apparently, did know. We’re on our way. Tell the people with you to find a safe place. We’ll get to you. Gwaine wants you to know you’re a git and Elyan says that if you don’t get Helen’s autograph for him his disowning you. Don’t worry, I already told Elyan to fuck off, but I can’t help but agree with Gwaine. Your uncle wants me to tell you to follow your instincts. They’re there for a reason.**

**Morgause is dangerous. Stay the fuck away from her. She was institutionalized by my father for killing her father in front of her family, but I don’t know who her family is. I haven’t had a chance yet to find out. She has a long rap sheet. Murder, drug dealing, stealing. You name it, it’s on there. She’s managed to evade authorities for a while now. Not surprised that she’s somehow involved.**

**I want you. I _want_ you. Here. Now. And when I get my hands on you, you’re not going anywhere. No, that’s not a threat. It’s a promise, because I _know_ that you want me too. Even if you’re too bloody scared to admit it and I’m probably going to end up ripping the heads off of everyone there for just looking at you. I _need_ you with me, Merlin. It’s suffocating without you. I can hardly breathe. Don’t worry. I’m staying as sane as I can in this situation. Fuck. Just stay safe. Don’t be stupid and stay the fuck safe. If something happens to you, I won’t be accountable for my actions. That _is_ a threat. I have one of your scarves wrapped around my face. Just so I can smell you and try to stay calm.**

**I will see you soon.**

**-Prime Sentinel Arthur Pendragon**

* * *

 

“Do you want to answer back?” Daegal asked.

“Can I?”

“We don’t have time for this!” Helen groaned.

“Let him answer,” Percival sighed.

Daegal stood up, “Type away.”

I looked at the key board and sat down.

 

* * *

 

**Arthur,**

**Tell Elyan he can get it from her himself and I’m beginning to wonder why he likes her. She’s proving herself to be a pain. Tell Gwaine he can suck it and tell Lance that I’m going to make him teach me more about this stupid shite, because, apparently, computers _can_ be useful. Who knew? **

**Tell Gwen, I can’t wait until she sits me down to have a long conversation about why I did what I did. I look forward to being forced to talk about things I don’t want to. I’m not at all cringing at the mere thought of how _that’s_ going to go.**

**Also, Mordred probably did know something and if he knew something… Everyone there knows he would’ve told Morgana about it. Wanker can’t keep his mouth shut around her.**

**Do me a favor and tell my uncle that I have no instincts and if he starts rambling about destiny and fate throw something at him for me. Because that is in no way helpful to me right now.**

**I am not currently in her presence any longer and if I can help it, I’ll avoid her. She did seem insane after all.**

**I’m ok. Not injured. Well, some scrapes, but nothing big. Don’t send me another email, because I can’t stay where I’m at right now and I have not gotten myself in much trouble so far. Also, Percival is here with me. Did I tell you he was in the military? He’s brilliant. Knocked a couple of guys out in 5 minutes and he’s funny. I know the crew would like ‘em, which also means you probably would too.**

**A scarf? Really? You’re a fucking creep, Arthur. CREEP. I mean that. I really do. If I find my pants on your head, _I’m_ disowning you.  I don’t give a shite if you’re my sentinel, you fucking creep.**

**Yeah, I’ll admit that I might miss you. Just a little. I think I’ve so far proven, you can’t make me do anything I don’t want to… That being said, I think I might want to be by you and maybe, MAYBE I’ll admit to not wanting you to let me go. Only if you behave though.**

**Also, fuck you. Just because I can, I’ll say it again. FUCK. YOU. I’m not just going to sit around like a little princess waiting for you to find me. I’ll stay safe, but I’m not just going to twiddle my thumbs here either. So far, I’ve been doing well.**

**Yeah, I fucking better see you soon, you fucking tosser.**

**-The indestructible force, a.k.a. Merlin**

* * *

 

“How do I send this?” I asked.

“By hitting the send button,” Daegal laughed and reached over, “Move I have to delete all of this.”

“Thanks,” I said, standing back up, “Everyone ready?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be,” Elena answered.

“One minute,” Daegal murmured.

Percival eyed me curiously, before grinning at me, “Had a nice chat?”

I grinned back, “Called him a creep.”

He laughed and shook his head, “Sounds like a great guy.”

“A nightmare with a good ending, I hope,” I answered shrugging lazily.

“You’re smiling, but your description of him is horrendous,” Elena arched her brow at me.

“Well, I might give a better one, once I get to know him, but I don’t think I’d be in this mess if he never showed up, then again, I might be worse off if he never showed up. I don’t know.”

“Makes a little more sense,” Daegal added, standing up, “This whole thing has been a nightmare. How’d you guys meet anyway?”

“He showed up on the pretense of looking for a guide in my home town,” I sighed, “He was actually hunting down a guide-wizard that unscrupulously people were also looking for, and both those things turned out to be me. I knew as soon as I saw him and I tried to stay the hell away from him, but I couldn’t and then they attacked one of my friends, and I traded places, and now, here I am.”

“Here you are,” Percival nodded, heading for the door, “Now here we go.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. Following him out the door and down the hallway, he crept along the side, but I found it pointless this time and just kept pace with him until we reached wherever he was leading us to. Which was apparently what he and I had spotted on the cctv. Four guards. One a wizard. Two sentinels and a guide.

 Perfect.

“Reinforce your shields,” I whispered to them, “I’m about to do something I’m not entirely sure I can control.”

Everyone nodded and I focused on the four guards, expanding my empathy and swallowing them whole in it. I felt them, pushed against the four at once, I closed my eyes and breathed heavily, then began breaking through the shields. I heard steps and shouting. A gun going off, but it was all background noise now. I was engrossed in what I was doing. I wasn’t attacking them, but I was sending a strong suggestion, that they were all very, very exhausted. So exhausted they could barely keep their eyes open. So tired that they just couldn’t stay awake a moment longer, they needed to sleep. I pushed the feeling intensely to them. Forcing it through every mental block they had, until I felt it sinking in. I marveled at the feeling of my empathy. Part of me wanted to keep going, to keep reaching until I hit my limit, but somebody shoved my shoulder and I knew it was time to pull back. Reel it all back in. I bit my lip, wishing I didn’t have to, but doing it all the same.

“Merlin?” I heard Deagal’s voice break through as I began to focus my mind again to my surroundings, “You realize you’re smiling?”

I slowly opened my eyes, “I’ve never been able to use my empathy before. It felt amazing, not keeping it bottled up like usual,” I sighed, “Almost like finally being able to stretch a limb that I’ve kept bent for too long.”

He gave me an odd look, “You aren’t a regular guide, are you?”

I frowned, “I thought we already established that.”

“Yeah, ‘cause of the wizard thing, but that’s not what I meant. I mean you are really powerful. I _felt_ you. Your empathy,” he stopped, taking a breath, “I don’t even know how to describe it. I never felt anything like that. You just enveloped us and I suddenly felt safe, assured somehow. I don’t know. What _are_ you?”

I shrugged and stood up, “I don’t know and now isn’t exactly the time to find out,” I looked around, “It worked then?”

“Yeah, but I shot them all with the tranqs just in case,” Percival answered, shoving a small hand gun at Helen. She squeaked, but took it, looking at it wearily, “Here, you two take one too.”

I shakily walked over to him, Daegal trailing me and took it, “I really don’t know what you expect me to do with this.”

“Aim for the chest. Largest part, more of a chance you won’t miss,” he answered.

“Right,” I shrugged, “Whatever.”

“Don’t hold it like that,” Elena frowned, and held her gun up, “Like this.” I mimicked her and shrugged again, “Better?”

She smiled, “Yes.” We walked to the cage door they were guarding and Daegal reached for the handle, before frowning, “Anyone know how to pick a lock?”

“Merlin, I think this part is on you,” Percival patted my shoulder.

I grinned a whispered the spell. Daegal opened the door to what looked like a dark, old tunnel. Percival whistled, “Ladies and Gent’s, let the game begin,” he announced, cocking his gun and stepping through.

“Yeah, whoop-de-do,” I said following him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like they open one door... and then there's another... and another.... and another...  
> Anyways, happy holidays!  
> I don't celebrate, but I think it's nice that other people do.  
> Hope you enjoy this update!


	13. Merlin and Fire. Good Mix?

I breathed in and stepped through, taking a moment to adjust my eyes to the darkened tunnel. I didn't sense any guards in the tunnel, but it was hard to tell, with so many guards around us in general. It was impossible for me to not notice that it'd been too easy for us to get here, but I didn't voice my opinion, afraid that I might scare the other three I was certain that Percival would have the same frame of thought. Did they just not believe we would make it this far? I shook my head. I couldn't think like that. Arthur was on his way and everything would be fine. We would find each other again.

It was hard to wrap my mind around everything that had happened, but I'd have time for that later. Right now, I had to worry about getting out of here intact, like I promised Arthur, and I'd bond with the fucking git, despite my fears at the thought, it had to be better to be bonded than ever have to deal with this, right? I hoped so anyway.

I shuddered as I placed my hand on the cool stone that surrounded us. The passage was clearly old, being seemingly framed with wooden beams. It reminded me of the coal mining passageways I'd seen on tv. Maintenance tunnel, most likely.

I sighed, the adrenaline rush was running out and I couldn't have that. Not now. I needed to keep going, find whatever the hell is at the end of this tunnel and get back home. I looked down the empty long pit, hardly lit up by the old flickering emergency lights. I squared my shoulders, straightened my spine and smiled at everyone. Any worry or fear I may have, can go kiss itself in arse, because I wasn't going to sit around and wait to be saved. How would I ever hold my own against Arthur if I wimped out now? I was not going to be a demure guide and let him or anyone else steamroll me into doing anything. If Arthur thought that's what I was like he was going to have a very rude wake-up call when we met up again. I didn't care if he was the prime sentinel or not, future ruler or not, if he wanted to be with me then he'd have to deal with me making decisions for myself and there was no way I'd let him or Morgause take that right away from me. I'd gotten away from her once, I'd do it again, and this time I wouldn't hold myself back. Not my magic or my empathy. Gaius was right, as per usual. I did have instincts and even without training I had taken those guards out, beaten Morgause, and kept myself successfully hidden for how many years? I'd even gone to the spirit world alone in the middle of this shite, for the first time in my life, and came back alive and with a full head on my shoulders. There was no way I was backing down now.

I am guide.

I am a wizard, too.

And it's about damn time I'd accepted it.

I gasped as I felt something inside me shift, energy brimming on my skin, feeling it expand and contract and connect to everything. Everyone. My eyes widened as I heard the others gasp near me.

"What is that?" Daegal was the first to speak.

"It's me," I said breathlessly, "It's me and everything connected to me."

"Merlin, what are you?" He asked me for a second time.

I turned towards them and without hesitation I answered, "I'm the prime alpha guide and it's about time I started acting like one and got you guys out of here."

"Fuck," Percival whispered, "I can feel you."

"Prime alpha guide wizard," Elena said out loud, "Why didn't you tell us before?"

"I wasn't sure or ready, but I'm not holding myself back anymore, especially from these arseholes. Just be careful and keep your shields up around me, I don't want to accidentally hurt you guys." I felt their empathy pulse into mine, weaving themselves into me and it was like they were a part of me. I connected us all without thinking about it. Interwove all of our empathy together and felt them accept me in seconds.

They nodded and I reeled myself from them, grinning, "Let's go!"

We began making our way down the tunnel until we came into a larger room with what looked like an old generator, but it was running, there were four ways we could take but a flash of light, that I knew was Kilgharra, showed me which way to go. I could almost see him smiling at me and relax, as if it were the first time he could finally stretch his wings and roam. He'd been chained down by me for way too long.

I mentally apologized to him, although, I wasn't sure that he got the message.

As we kept on walking, I could feel the four of them steal glances at me, but I shrugged it off. When was the last there was an alpha guide around anyway? It was only natural for them to be curious of me. The tunnel seemed to go on for miles and with the group now being quiet, this creepy place started to make me feel even more self-conscious. "Ok, first, you guys can't shut up and, now, none of you can utter so much as squeak? Come on, just because I told you guys about that stuff, doesn't mean you have shut up around me."

"It's not that," Helen said, "It's just that we literally feel you. A presence and like you're a part of us. I can't really wrap my head around it."

"I am a part of you and all of you are a part of me and I guess that's what it means to be the alpha guide, I don't know, I just know that it feels right and I'm not denying it anymore. I'm sorry," I ranted.

"Don't be sorry," Elena answered, "It feels sort of amazing. I never knew how connected we were to the everything. It's you who's showing us that. Hell I feel re-energized now, like nothing can stand in my way."

"And nothing will, if I can help it. I mean, at least until we get the hell out of here."

Percival slapped my shoulder and cracked a smile, "I may have had my doubts at first about this, but, yeah, we're going to pull this off," his words full of confidence.

With renewed spirits, we picked up our pace. I was glad to hear our little group filling the silence of the seemingly endless tunnel again. Following Kilgharras hints, we finally found ourselves near the end. Thick metal bars blocked out escape, but past it we could see a river below and the woods it led to.

"We need to cross the river, but I can't tell how deep it is really," I said flinching at the thought of the water.

Helen placed her hands on the bars, "I think the bigger issue is, how exactly do you plan on getting us through these bars?"

"Let's see what I can do," I asserted, placing both hands above my head on two bars, "And please, back up." Helen quickly retreated several steps, while I concentrated on creating heat from where I touched the bars. I watched my hands glow and within minutes the bars began to melt beneath my palms.

"Woah," I heard Percival behind me. I grinned, "Untrained, but still useful," I kneeled and place my hands on the bottom of the bars.

"Hold on," he said making me pause as he stepped up, slowly placing his hands on the middle of the bars, "They might fall on you."

I frowned, "What if I burn you?"

He looked down to me and smirked, "Well don't burn me."

I rolled my eyes, "No promises," but I centered myself, trying to make sure that I didn't lose control and the heat didn't reach his hands, but still melt the bars all the same. I felt the bars begin to melt and saw Percival pushed the bars outward and by the time I was done, he simply let go and the bars fell into the water.

"Sweet," Daegal chimed.

"Can everyone here swim?" Percival asked. I heard a chorus of yes and bit my lip.

"Merlin?" Percival looked at me again when I hadn't given a response. I looked away and stood up before answering, "It can't be that hard, can it?"

Percival let out a laugh and shook his head, throwing his arm over my shoulder, "You're really something else, Merlin."

"Yeah, so I've been told," I admitted.

"I'll go first, I'm an excellent swimmer!" Daegal exclaimed, shoving us out of the way and jumping in.

Elena following his lead, grabbed Helen and started pushing her forward, "Come on!"

"What if it's cold?!" Helen whined.

"Suck it up or we'll leave you here," Elena snapped, shoving her towards the bars and with a shriek from Helen and a final push from Elena, Helen was in the water. Elena grinned, giving us a thumbs up, and I shook my head, "I'm starting to understand why you may not be her favorite person."

Elena shrugged, "It's not my fault she's a crybaby," and with that, jumped in after her.

"I'll go before you," Percival smirked, "So I can save you before you drown."

"Gee thanks," I snorted and watched him jumped in. I stepped towards the bars and looked down, the jump was only a few feet, but then my eyes caught the water and a flash of fear welled up inside. The memory of almost drowning drifted in my head and I closed my eyes as the feeling overwhelmed me. Lungs burning, limbs thrashing wildly, agony speeding through me, until I inadvertently inhaled the water. I shuddered. If I was going to die in anyway, drowning was not the way I wanted to go. Not by a long shot. Drowning fucking sucked. I looked back from where we came. Staying here sucked even worse.

"You better not let me drown!" I called out to them, took a deep breath and with eyes closed, I jumped.

The seconds of falling felt like an eternity, then soon as I hit the ice cold water, I was engorged by it. My body seized up and right before the impulse to start kicking wildly kicked in, I felt a hand grab my arm and I was yanked to the surface. I gasped, "Fuck, it's cold."

Percival chuckled, "Yeah, I was thinking with this water temperature, it might be too hard for us to make it to the end, unless our trusty wizard can figure out a way to keep us warm."

My teeth were already chattering as he shifted my hand to his shoulder, "I have to try to swim and keep us warm?"

"How about you let us worry about the swimming and you keep us all from freezing to our deaths?" Elena compromised.

I groaned, "Give me a minute, 'cause I have no idea how pull this off." What had Elena said about magic? Ugh I muttered a spell that I wasn't sure would work to heat this much water, "Onhǽte þá wæter," but it didn't work. I thought about again and instead just tried to aim for the water surrounding us. Doing my best to pour my energy into it, I tried again, "Onhǽte þá wæter!"

And it worked. We all felt the temperature change instantly and as a group let out a sigh of relief.

"Definitely keep that up," Percival grinned, then shifted, "Now be a good boy and help me take my shirt off."

"What?!" I asked, startled.

"Dude, now is not the time to be showing off yours pecks. Weak, man, weak," Daegal scolded.

"Shut up," he scoffed, "I want my shirt so that Merling can hold on it while I pull him in the water. It'll be the easiest way."

"And I want a view I can definitely enjoy!" Helen giggled and swam over, grabbing Percival's shirt, "Arms up!"

"I think one arms at a time will prevent them from drowning," Elena chimed in helpfully.

"How about one of you just hold on to me while he takes it off?" I asked.

Percival slapped Helen's hand away and turned his head to the side, "You mean you don't want to touch my pecks?" he said in a mock hurt voice.

"Not if it means drowning, no."

"Makes sense," he nodded solemnly.

"Helen, take Merlin for a minute."

"Fiiiiine," she complained and turned, "Put your hands on my shoulders," she huffed.

"Tsk. You don't have to be that excited about keeping me alive here," I snorted, placing my hands on her shoulders.

"You're taking away all of the joy in my life right now, I've the right to be peeved."

"Bite me," I snarled.

"No thanks, you're way to boy-next-door to handle anything from me," she smirked.

"Oh that's right, you like gallant kidnappers," I shot back, "How could I forget?

Percival cracked up and then slapped his shirt toward me, "Grab on."

I grabbed onto it and he immediately began swimming, I struggled to kick my legs to keep up while mouthing the spell every so often and I was entirely certain that it was his speed that kept my head above water, seeing as his shirt wasn't exactly buoyant. The others trailed off behind us in varying speeds, but for the most part we stayed nearby.

The longer we swam, the further the shore seemed to be. About what looked like half way point, Percival stopped and let everyone else catch up fully.

"Are we really going to be able to make it?" I said breathlessly.

"I have to check on everyone before I can answer that," he said with a heave breath.

"How are you guys doing?" I asked, "Any cramps?"

"So far ok, but I that shore gets any farther, I'm going to die," Helen answered.

"I'm with her," Daegal conceded.

"Yeah," Elena nodded.

"Well, let's get as close to the shore as we can," Percival said, starting to move again. "Wait!" I cried, stopping him, while eying a log near the shore, "I have an idea."

"I'm all ears," Percival murmured.

"Just do me a favor and make sure I stay afloat while I do this."

"Alright," he nodded. I reach one of my hands out to the log and began using my magic to pull it over to us. The log was heavier than the ticket and I knew I was using much more force than I had ever used before in this kind of thing. It was several moments before I managed to make it hit the water and I waited a second to see if it would float, before I continued to make it come to us.

"I see what you're doing here," Percival smiled, "That would definitely help."

"I fucking hope so," I grunted as I drew the log closer to us.

When it was near enough, Helen rushed over and threw herself over it and sighed, "Ugh Remind me to add a wizard to my body guard team."

Elena rolled her eyes as she and Daegal put an arm over it and Percival soon followed with me in tow.

"If we all work together, we'll reach the shore in not time," he grinned as I reached to use the log as float myself, "I knew we kept you around for a reason."

"Who would've thought?" Daegal laughed.

"Shut up! Are you guys ready to start kicking or what?" I asked.

Every agreed and we began pushing our way through the water much faster, taking only two more breaks before nearing the shore. Percival let go of the log and climbed a shore first, then extended his shirt out to me and I grabbed it, allowing him to pull me the rest of the while yelling, "Land!" throwing myself on the ground, "Sweet land! I've missed you! Don't ever abandon me again!" I heard a snicker behind me and Elena's voice say, "How about after all of this is over, you learn how to swim?"

I rolled over and grinned at her, "Only if one of you teach me."

"Consider it a date," Percival promised.

"A group date," Daegal added, "I'll go too."

"Count me in," Elena grinned and turned to Helen, "Well?"

"Well what?" Helen frowned, "I don't know my schedule."

"Seriously?" Elena practically growled at her.

"Oh my gosh, fine! I'll make time, ok?" Helen huffed.

"That's more like it," Elena smiled.

"Now that that's over with," Daegal turned to me, "Anyway you could dry us?"

I began wracking my brains for ideas on that as I sat up, "Give me a minute."

"Don't waste your energy," Percival shook his head, "We can deal with it. You're probably running on fumes, right now, the way it is. Unless it's absolutely necessary save your strength, we have a ways to go yet," he reached a hand out to me and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet, "And anyone here who disagrees can find their own way out," he eyed the group down.

"It's chilly, but I can deal," Elena answered quickly.

"I just thought being wet would slow us down," Daegal quickly defended.

"I've modeled in worse conditions," Helen shrugged.

"What about the guns?" I asked.

"Most modern guns will still fire while wet," he answered, "And if not, we'll deal with it when the time comes, we've made enough noise the way it is."

"Ok. Does anyone know which direction to go from here?"

"According to the map, if we follow the river downstream, we should eventually fund out way out somehow," Daegal supplied.

"Let's get a move on then," I nodded and we began trudging our way to the direction Daegal had suggested, it was a while before we noticed movements.

Percival went on high alert and whispered, "They've looking for us." I rolled my eyes at him, in a effort to convey that he did not need to be pointing out the obvious right now and heard Helen let out a soft gasp behind me.

We all followed his lead and crouched down, moving slowly until there was a break in the trees.

"Fuck," Daegal cursed.

Fuck indeed, I thought, looking at the fence, about 30 feet away, the clearing was heavily guarded and no way were we getting through. Not unless there was a miracle…

Or me.

I could create a distraction. I started to think up an, I'll admit, wild and terrible plan, but a man's got to do, what a man's got to do, right?

"Stay here," I whispered and crawled away from them. I went as far away from them as I dared without leaving the tree line before I prepared myself.

Fire, as it turns out, has been slowly becoming a very good friend of mine, these past few hours and there were a few fire spells I had memorized, in case the worse of the worst happened and I, for any reason, needed to attack, but I'd never actually performed any of them. So if this actually worked, I wasn't sure what would happen. I bit my lip, reluctant to pull the trigger.

These were old attack spells, what if I really hurt someone? What if they didn't even worked? I pushed the thoughts away and thought about Arthur. It would be fine. Arthur would know I did what I only thought I had to and it would all be fine when he got here.

Now, if I remembered correctly, and it this point I wasn't a hundred percent sure, the spell would create a ball of fire that I could aim at the fence. I braced myself, focusing every ounce of energy I had inside myself towards my magic and began chanting, "Þurh minum gewealde ond þinum mægen... geclippaþ we þone lieg þe ealla awestaþ." I felt my strength slowly draining and looked up to the sky to see the ball of fire forming. I kept going, "Þurh minum gewealde ond þinum mægen... geclippaþ we þone lieg þe ealla awestaþ," grunting as more and more of me felt zapped, but I didn't stop until I felt I was close to breaking point and then sent the fire flying to the area of the fence nearest to me and as soon as it hit it exploded, cause the ground to shake, the air turbulence knocking me several feet away, I stumbled backwards, smacking the back of my head on what felt like a rock. My body felt weak. I was breathing heavily as tremors shook my body.

What the fuck was that?

I tried to gather my bearings, pushing myself to try to sit up and see what the hell was happening, but the between over doing it and the blow to my head, even lifting a finger felt like too much.

Had I said the right spell? The fire ball was right, but the explosion afterwards? Don't remember that in the description. I closed my eyes trying to prevent the dizziness from making me vomit, but it was a moot point, I turned my head and threw up. I groaned at the pain it caused me. Pure stomach acid. When the hell was the last time I ate? How much time had passed since spending that time with Arthur in my kitchen?

Those gits better be getting the fuck out of here or I was going to be pissed, with a capital "P." I whimpered in pain. I couldn't get a hold of my thoughts, the world spun around me. I wanted to cry. I heard shouting and running, but it all felt worlds away. I felt myself slipping further and further into darkness. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids refused to cooperate. My body had reached it's limit and all I could do was give in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been awhile since my last update (did you guys think I gave up?)... So I hope this chapter makes up for it and yay! I finally got a new computer!
> 
> FYI if Daegal's name is misspelled anywhere, please let me know... I can never get that name right! Ugh! >_<


	14. And In The Heat Of Battle, Romance Blossoms… Like a Dandelion Through a Sidewalk Crack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this update:
> 
> Fireflies by Owl City
> 
> See You Again by Elle King
> 
> A Thousand Years By Christina Perri

Have you ever felt your mind so jumbled, that random inappropriate thoughts that don't quite fit the occasion pop up non-stop?

Or more closely related… random lyrics?

Of songs you never paid that much attention to when your friends played them because music is cool and you're not picky, so whatever?

I know, I know. What the hell am I talking about?

That's the whole thing. I have no idea what was happening. I was spinning memories in my head with random lyrics popping up in odd intervals.

Like the first time, I ever saw my father taming a dragon. I was three, and I had no business remembering such a thing from that long ago, but there we were. My mother holding me in her hands as my father showed me what exactly it was that kept him away from home and it was amazing and terrifying. Chances are I don't even remember it right, but instead of words coming out of their mouths or the roar of the spike-tailed dragon deafening me, that Fireflies song swam around in my head. You know the one, right? Goes like this:

_'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs_

_From ten thousand lightning bugs_

_As they tried to teach me how to dance_

_A foxtrot above my head_

_A sock hop beneath my bed_

_The disco ball is just hanging by a thread_

_(Thread, thread...)_

_I'd like to make myself believe_

_That planet Earth turns slowly_

_It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_'Cause everything is never as it seems_

_(When I fall asleep)_

Or the first time I met Mordred, we were at the park, Uncle Gaius was babysitting me and he fell and got hurt, so I took a candy from my uncle and brought it over to him and patted his head so he wouldn't cry. And to that an Elle King song plays:

_You were standing there_

_Fire in your eyes_

_As you held me in_

_Said, "Sorry, I didn't write"_

_We've got seven days_

_'Til we say goodbye_

_Back to separate ways_

_I'll miss you more this time._

Which makes even less sense, because, after that day, Mordred attached himself to me like glue. Hell he even showed up at my house and refused to tell me how he knew where I lived. What do you mean 'Til we say goodbye? We haven't said goodbye!

Then there's the memory of all of us camping in the woods alone for the first time. We laid down on the grass and I just remembered getting this overwhelming feeling of just being happy and safe, while listening to everyone ramble on. Gwen and Lance bickering. Mordred (he hadn't asked her out yet) trying to get Morgana to pay attention to him. Morgana ignoring him in favor of her mp3 player. Elyan whispering embarrassing things about Gwen to my ear and Gwaine picking on Mordred. While I just enjoyed being with my family.

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

_I have died every day, waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

What was happening to me? What was wrong with my head?

"Merlin!" a thundering voice called to me, "Merlin!" I turned and turned trying to find where it came from, but I couldn't tell, I was lost in this space. In the memories and the songs that didn't make any sense, but that voice. I _knew_ that voice.

Who was it? How was it breaking through the mess of this?

"Merlin!" it growled out.

"What?!" I called back out to it, "Who are you?! Where are you?!"

"Follow my voice," it commanded.

"I don't know where it's coming from!"

"The escalator! Find the escalator! I know you can!"

Escalator? The only thing I saw here was empty space filled with memories and songs that didn't make any sense. What escalator? I buzzed around through the memories, occasionally getting distracted by them. Now that I thought about it, they were kind of calming. Part of me wanted to stop looking for some silly escalator and just stay here watching the memories. They were soothing and simple and nice, but that voice. I couldn't just ignore it. I wasn't sure why, but I just couldn't.

So I kept looking around for it, even though I thought it was pointless. I sighed, looking up and saw it, floating above my head. It was glowing a beautiful shade of green. My gosh, it was a pretty escalator. Is that why the voice wanted me to find it? I floated to it and looked at it. Well I found it. What was I supposed to do with it now? I looked at the memories. They were soothing, almost calling out to me too. Then I looked at the elevator and reached a hand out to it, giggling as it tingled when I touched it.

What a funny feeling! What else could this escalator do? I stepped on to it and it began moving, slowly bringing me up. I giggled at the funny sensations I felt as I road it up, up, and away!

Until I got almost near the top, and suddenly I felt like lead. No, no, no! I wanted to turn back! To the memories! I wanted the memories! I felt an ache in my heart that only grew stronger and it just _hurt_. I didn't want to go up there! Take me back! I tried turning back. Tried going back down the escalator, but it wouldn't let me. It was too late. Then there was a blinding light and everything came rushing back.

Arthur, Helen, Percival, Daegle, and Elena and all the rest, like I was back to the present, except I wasn't. I was in my mindscape, starring directly into Kilgharra's eyes. "Merlin," he nodded.

Of course, that's what that voice was. "What's happening?"

"You need to wake up, Merlin," he told me, "You need to."

"What happened to me? I-I-I was down the escalator?" I said, freaking out a little bit, because even after I'd been down there, I was still terrified of the thing.

"You fell into a swoon, Merlin, you nearly died, but none of it matters now, because you pulled yourself out of it," he answered, "Now you need to wake up! Get out of here and wake up!"

"But-"

"Just go!" Kilgharra commanded and then disappeared. I looked around my mind scape. It was different. There were cracks now, I'd never seen cracks in here... The blow to the head, did it weaken my defenses? Or was it the exhaustion? Both?

Fuck! I went to one of the cracks, trying to fix it, but nothing I did was working. I gave up, if Kilgharra was telling me to get out of here, it was for a reason. He was my spirit guide, after all. So I did what I normally did to leave my mindscape, I just concentrated it on, but the amount of effort it took gave me a headache and it only got worse the more I pushed, but I was needed out there. For whatever the reason, I needed to wake up.

Damn it! Just wake up!

My eyes flew open and I groaned heavily as pain and everything else hit me like a ton of bricks. I was still lying on the ground. My eyes took several moments to adjust. I grumbled sitting up. I hadn't wanted to move, but I knew I had to. I took a deep breath and coughed as smoke filled my lungs. Right, fire and trees, not the best combo. I probably should've made that connection a bit earlier. Hindsight. I kept coughing as I forced myself to stand up. The smoke was getting worse by the second and if I didn't get out of here, I'd die from that alone. What direction had I even come from? I couldn't remember anymore. I was too disoriented. Well I couldn't just stay where I was. I stumbled to my left. Maybe I could find the river again. Maybe I could follow that or something.

I heard something behind me and turned to an enraged sentinel stumbling to me. He growled and came at me. Oh fuck. Where was that gun? I reached behind myself. No gun. Right, must've fallen somewhere. Shite! Think, Merlin, think!

Too late. The sentinel tackled me, blindly attacking whatever was in his way. Everything was his enemy. He was feral and he was going to kill me.

Except, I was an idiot, because if a guide was stupid enough to not be able to get himself out of this, then what kind of a worthless guide was he?

And that was just it, wasn't it? I _was_ a guide. Great time of me to forget it. I reached out to him with my empathy and wrapped it around him in seconds. I fed him calm, soothing feelings. Feelings that I in no way felt right now, but fake it 'til you make it, right? The sentinel stopped mid-punch and gave me a confused look.

"What?" he mouthed.

"The area is on fire! We need to get out! You know the way don't you? I'm a guide, aren't you supposed to have some instinct to help me somewhere in there?" I ranted, "Get off me!"

The sentinel stumbled away from me, looking around, "Fire!"

"Yes, fire! Help us live!"

He studied me, "You're hurt."

" _Now_ you're worried," I grumbled, sitting up again, "How about we get out of here first?"

The sentinel shook his head, then came at me again, except this time, he picked up, threw me over his shoulder and started to run.

"Hey! Where the hell are you taking me?!" I shouted, struggling fruitlessly in his grip.

"Save guide," he answered.

Great, I'm stuck with the only caveman sentinel left in existence. He carried me for, I don't know how long, because this whole thing was only making me even more nauseous and giving me a worse headache and then the fucker jumped and I was engulfed in water (Fucking water!) in seconds.

The water instantly filled my lungs, until the sentinel righted me. I coughed and struggled as he grabbed my arm and began swimming downstream. The water was even colder than before and I mumbled the spell that had worked last time. It warmed it up but not as well as before, but whatever kind of steroids this sentinel was on, the cold didn't seem to slow him down, I continued using the spell regardless.

"You're going to over exert yourself," I told him.

"Fire. Guide," he answered and continued. This is what you get when an untrained guide pulls a feral sentinel out of it. Hopefully the adverse effects could be fixed later by a proper guide. I did not know anywhere near enough to know how to handle this, but I didn't want this guy killing himself to save me either.

I suddenly had another idea. The water. Of course, why hadn't I thought of it before? I used my magic to move the water around us, trying to figure out a way to propel us forward. The faster we got to safety, the likelier this sentinel would be to survive this mess. It took me a minute to get the water to do what I wanted it to, specially seeing as I stopped heating the water to focus on this, I felt like an ice cube within seconds and the sentinel had to be worse off. My body became numb, but on a good note, I could no longer feel the injuries that plagued me earlier. Sure, I might become hypothermic and die, but who was keeping score anyway? I focused more and more on the water, finally getting us to move at a higher speed, I'm sure he noticed, but didn't say anything as I helped.

Whichever way he moved I shifted the waters to propel us until he stopped and pointed to the shore, "Safe."

I nodded, "Right, land ahoy!" and as he began swimming towards it, I stopped shifting the water. We were close enough so that he didn't need my help. He shoved me towards it before heaving himself up, but I was too cold to pull myself up, so he just grabbed me by my arm and hauled me to him.

"Thanks," I gasped, shivering as he lowered me gently onto the ground and patted my head, "Blood. Guide."

"Yeah, I think my head hit a rock or something. Is it bad?" I asked.

"Blood. Bad," he said, sniffing me.

"What in the hell did I do to you, man?" I asked, shaking my head. I was really starting to think I broke the guy. I pushed his head away, "Not helping, mate. You sniffing me is not helping right now."

He growled and grabbed my head, inspecting it. "Ugh, where are we? What's your name? Can you answer that?"

"Safe. Sentinel," he mumbled.

I groaned, "Great. This is just so great. My friends are probably dead," I began tearing up, "I probably killed them using a spell I had no business using and now I'm going to either burn or die from hypothermia in the middle of fucking nowhere with a sentinel who can't say more than five words to me. A sentinel that _I_ broke. None of this would've ever happened if I'd just stayed in that stupid room or if I'd just told Arthur the truth. Fucking hindsight!"

"Guide?" the sentinel hummed and began patting my head, "Shh. Guide, safe."

"Ugh!" I leaned into his touch, "Whatever!"

"Merlin?" a voice I knew far too well called out.

I looked up and saw him standing there wide eyed, I blinked back the tears, "L-Lance?" The sentinel next to me stood and growled, "What? No," I grabbed his arm, "Lance is good. Lance is safe."

The sentinel shifted in front of me in a defensive crouch and Lance eyed him warily, "He's not listening," I shifted straining to stand, "Why aren't you listening?" I reached for his arm again.

"Can't you calm him down?" Lance asked, taking a step back.

"I did," I said falling to my knees, "He was feral before and he attacked me, I'm bleeding all over the place. I can't think. My shields… I can't. Lance, I can't do much more right now."

The sentinel snarled at Lance, "T-that's ok, Merlin. You need to stay calm or he's going to think I'm upsetting you."

"Lance?" I heard another familiar voice call out.

"Gwen?" I called back.

"Merlin?" she stumbled out from behind a bush, Elyan, Gwaine, Mordred and Morgana all following.

"Guys?" I whispered.

"Merlin!" Morgana called out, almost running to me, but the sentinel shifted to face her and she backed up, "Oh."

"Where's Arthur?" I asked.

"He's here!" Elyan said, "I'll go get him. They're dealing with the fire, told us to stay out of it."

"Sorry," I cringed, "Tell him I said sorry."

Elyan gave me a gave a weird look, "Tell him yourself," he squeezed Gwaine's hand and then took off.

"Ok," Gwen said, "So what's with him?"

"Merlin said he was feral and he got him out of it, but he's been acting like this since," Lance explained, "Merlin's bleeding."

"Guide blood," Gwen nodded, "This is going to be a bit rough. Gwaine, you ready?"

"When you are. Regular protocol?" Gwaine asked.

"You got it," she nodded.

"What's regular protocol?" I asked.

But Lance just put his finger to his lips and shook his head, so I shut up and stayed still as they both used their empathy to essentially put the sentinel out. I watch him topple to floor and reached out for him, "Hey, is he ok?"

"He's fine," Gwaine affirmed, "Guess you better start learning now. Regular protocol, is basically if you can't help 'em, knock 'em out."

"I wouldn't use those exact words," Gwen sighed.

"He might be hypothermic," I said trembling, "We might both be, we were in the water."

Lance ran towards me, "Blood. You're hurt."

"Yeah I know!" I snapped at him, "I don't need you to tell me that!"

Gwen approached me second, but I was a complete wreck and when she reached out to me I coiled away from her touch, "Don't!" I trembled, "They're probably dead. They're dead, aren't they? It's my fault! It's all my fault! I can't," I tried explaining, "I can't feel them anymore. They were mine and I can't feel them."

"Merlin, you're in a bad way. You're hurt, you're not thinking straight," Gwen said quietly, "Let me help you."

"No! Stay away from me!" I shrieked and scrambled away from them, "It's all my fault." I knew I wasn't making any sense, but I kept trying to reach out to Percival, Elena, Helen, and Daegal through my empathy and I couldn't feel them.

"Who are you even talking about?" Morgana asked.

"The other guides! I took them in. I promised to help them," I cried, "I promised and they accepted me. They were under my protection and now they're dead because of me!"

"Merlin?" another voice called out. A voice, I would never in my lifetime forget.

"Arthur?" I looked around wildly, "Arthur?!" Then he stepped out from behind a tree, "Merlin!" he hurried towards me.

"I'm sorry," I said shakily, "I screwed everything up. I'm sorry. The fire. It's all my fault. I don't- I didn't-I-I-"

He reached to me, and when I tried to get away, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Merlin, whatever happened, I'm sure you had your reasons for doing it," he tucked my head into his neck, "But if we don't take care of your injuries, I'm going to freak out. So, please, just come with me and we'll figure everything else out together, ok?"

I didn't say anything as he heaved me up and carried me towards wherever. I saw Lance and Elyan pick up the sentinel that had brought me here and it was only a short walk away to where ambulances and fire fighters were. They immediately reacted to Arthur and pulled a gurney out for me. He gently sat me down and held my hand to his nose as they checked my injury.

They spoke to him but the only words I caught were stitches, I.V. and tests. Something about dehydration. They did their best to stop the bleeding from the back of my head and bandage it up.

Then a guide stepped near me, "Merlin? I'm-"

"Step away from my nephew," a voice shot out and Gaius came quickly to my side and ripped the bandage from my head, inspecting the wound himself, "Shite," he cursed.

"What is it?" Arthur asked, fear etching his voice.

"You didn't look at the injury?" Gaius asked.

"I was afraid to," Arthur mumbled.

Gaius rounded the gurney to come behind me, "I can only assume with this kind of wound, the only thing keeping him functional and possibly alive is his magic."

"Kilgharra," I explained, "He said I had to wake up."

"He had the right idea," Gaius agreed.

"Kilgharra is a dragon," I continued, "He smiled at me."

"I'm sure he did," Gaius said indulgently, "Now stay still. Arthur make sure he doesn't move."

"What are you going to do?" Arthur asked.

"Hopefully, heal him," Gaius answered as Arthur took hold of my shoulders. Gaius placed his hand on my head and I heard him say, "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!"

Everything went white for me for several seconds and then the world came slowly back into view, into focus. I felt my empathy expand, and took off into my mindscape without thought. I watched as it rebuilt itself. The big cracks on the walls of the tunnels and passage ways becoming even sturdier than they were before, my shields re-strengthening. Kilgharra appeared in front of me, "I'll watch over it until it's done," he told me, "Go back to your sentinel. You've done well."

"Thank you," I nodded, "But I have to check on my guides first." And I thought of my link to them, the four of them and I felt them alive and well and… scared. Fuck, they'd gotten caught. I left my mindscape and hopped off the gurney, grabbed Arthur by the neck and slammed my lips into his, it took a split second for him to react, then he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me to him. I kissed him like my life depended on it, opening up and allowing him to deepen it. The kiss was messy, warm, and comforting all at the same time. I let my fingers trace his neck just at the edge of his hair, as my other hand gripped his shoulder in desperation. I followed his lead and for several moments I let myself forget everything before I pulled away.

I reached my hand to my bruised jaw, "That hurt, but so worth it."

He laughed and put his head on my shoulder, "Sorry, I got caught up in it."

"Not your fault," I said, placing a kiss on the side of his head, "Now let me go. I got some more people to hug." He groaned but relented and I got assaulted by my closest friends, but I didn't have to time for a long reunion, so after about thirty seconds I yelled, "Enough!" I pushed them all back and ran to my uncle, "Thank you, Gaius." He pulled me close and then let me go, arching a brow, "You seem in a rush."

"My guides," I nodded, "I have to go save them, they've been caught. I love you guys, but no time for long reunions right now. That crazy bitch is planning to sell 'em and I promised to get them home safe."

"Your guides?"

"I'm the alpha guide, right?" I nodded, turning away and grabbing two guns from a couple of guard's holsters, "They're mine and I gotta protect what's mine."

"Wait, alpha guide?" I heard Arthur ask, but ignored it, there would be time for explanations later.

"And the guns?" Uncle asked, following me as I took off.

"It's not for me. I don't know shite about guns," I said sprinting, I felt them, I wasn't sure how, but I knew exactly which direction they were and I wasn't going to let them get any further.

"Who is it for then?" Gwaine asked, keeping pace with me.

"Percival and Elena, if I can manage to give it to them, it might give me an advantage," I answered.

"So they're not dead?" Lance asked from somewhere behind me.

"No. My head was broken, I couldn't use my empathy right, _that's_ why I couldn't guide that sentinel properly _and_ why my shields were a mess. Hell my whole mindscape was a mess. I couldn't even process things normally," I shook my head, "After this I want food! Lots and lots of food and a shower! No! A bath! By the way, how long have I been gone for?"

"A week," Arthur answered from my left.

"An entire week and you couldn't even find me?" I scowled, "Worst sentinel ever."

"You're out here in the middle of nowhere, you think it's _that_ easy," he argued.

"It took me mere hours to escape and make this place an inferno and that's without all your fancy training," I rolled my eyes, "You need to step up your game, Arthur. Hey uncle, I don't remember being up for an entire week, how'd they keep me alive?"

Arthur murmured something incomprehensible, but didn't argue.

"I.V. most likely or with the proper potions," he answered, "We can check for needle marks."

"They definitely drugged me and the others, the needle marks might be tough," I sighed, "I'm kind of littered with bruises right now, Percival might be out on that count too, but maybe the other three we could see. They were less injured than us two," I took a hard right and kept going.

I heard Arthur let out a growl and I grinned, "Chill, caveman, I did just as much damage, if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, we noticed," Lance laughed.

"By the way, how's the fire?"

"With all the wizards and the fireman, we've managed to contain it and working towards putting the rest of it out. The fire itself was pretty big," Arthur answered.

"I hope I didn't hurt too many people," I cringed, "I didn't know it was going to explode like that when I used the spell."

"What spell," Gaius puffed, "were you trying to use?"

"I was just trying to make a ball of fire and create a distraction, but it was huge and then bam! Soon as it landed the ground was shaking and that's when I smashed my head and subsequently knocked out," I shook my head, "I think I remembered the wrong spell."

"Sounds like it," Mordred agreed, "You should've just told me, I would've taught you."

I stopped dead in my tracks, "What if's are pointless, Mordred, don't even waste your breath," I said anger rolling through every part of my being as I continued, "There's a reason why this happened. It was meant to. Morgause picked the wrong person to play with. Morgana?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"She's an enemy," I turned around and looked at her, "She's the kind of enemy you kick when they're down and you keep them down. You get me? No stops."

Morgana took a deep breath and cracked her knuckles, giving me a devilish smile, "Leave it to me."

"As for everyone else, first priority is to retrieve my guides safely," I nodded, turned back around, tucked the guns as best as I could on my waist and stepped right into Morgause's sightline. Her and her people already had their guns cocked, but with Arthur's army, their show was pointless, that was of course, until she grabbed Helen and pointed a gun at her head, "This one isn't loaded with tranqs," she warned. I looked around and saw the rest of them in the back of a pick-up truck, tied up, mouth's taped.

"I figured," I nodded, "How about a trade?"

"Trade?" she quirked a brow.

"I'm worth more than all of them combined," I smirked, "You know that, besides, that sentinel of mine, I told you about?" I tapped Arthur's arm and watched her face twist into a snarl in recognition of him, "Yeah, that's him."

"No!" Arthur said grabbing my arm, "Not again! You are _not_ leaving me."

I laughed and patted his arm, "I'm sorry, Arthur, but that's not up to you. My life, my decision."

"You're-"

"Not yours to control."

"Merlin," he pleaded.

"I've already made up my mind," I removed his hand from my arm, "I love you, Arthur, I do, but seriously, if you're not with me, you're against me and if you're against me then fuck off, cause you're in my way," I took a step forward, "What do you say, Lady Morgause? Deal or no deal?"

"You for two of them," she crossed her arms, " _Then_ we have a deal."

"Fine, but I get to pick which two," I shot back.

She arched a brow at me, and I pointed to Helen, "Her and him," I said pointing to Daegal.

She signaled to one of the guards and he untied Daegal's legs and dragged him to her. She could've just used them as hostages to escape. She should've, but her need for revenge against the Pendragons was stronger. _That_ was her first mistake. I narrowed my eyes and stepped half-way through to them, this situation being all too familiar.

Two guards stepped forward holding Helen and Daegal and as they let them go, I let them grab me and haul me towards her. My hands being placed behind my back as they placed me in front of her. She aimed her gun at my head before looking at Arthur with a smile, "We'll be leaving now."

I let them take me to the pick-up truck, put my hands in cuffs, and kneeled calmly near Percival, inching my way to him, I tilted my head at him, "Seriously? You got caught? You totally suck, you know that?"

He gave me a dirty look, but didn't answer… well, couldn't answer anyway. I mumbled the unlocking spell and slipped the cuffs off, as quietly as I could. I was annoyed at the guy holding the gun to my head, but kept my mouth shut. Shooting me now would just be stupid anyway. I slid my hand to my waist and pulled one of the guns out. The guys hadn't patted me down, guess they were more worried about everything else. _That_ was her second mistake.

I pressed my side fully against Percival to hide the gun from view as I slid it to his hands, he took it and I released him from his cuffs, too, then leaned back away from him and looked at Elena, across from me and winked at her. I watched her tense body become more lax as she nodded at me in acknowledgement.

Fire and trees don't mix. You want to know what else doesn't mix? Fire and cars. I leaned myself back, picking my butt from off the truck, keeping my hands behind my back, to see the front of the truck and gingerly raised my hand out, "Forbærne! Ácwele," I created a ball of fire, sending it to the hood of the truck. Bam! The truck jumped and I ducked as Percival pulled his gun and shot the guy who'd been holding a barrel to my head.

I smirked and reached for the tape on his mouth, snatching it off. "Ouch! Shite, Merlin!"

I rolled my eyes, "We don't need a second crybaby in the group."

He smirked and shot the other two guards in the truck bed with us, then pointed to his feet.

"On it!" I leaned over and unlocked his legs, while Elena started attempting to talk to us, "Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!"

"Yeah, one at time," I told her and reached for her legs next, then tumbled to her side to unlock her hands. Grabbing the second gun from my waist and thrusting it to her. She reached up and took the tape from her own mouth. We heard shooting begin around us soon after.

"We have to get out of this truck," Percival informed us.

"Yeah," I said, ducking down, "How exactly?"

"I don't know, it's your plan," Percival said crouching further down as more shots went off.

"I don't have a plan," I snorted, "Winging it."

"You really should start thinking things through more often," Elena huffed.

"I'll take that into consideration, for now how about you guys help me figure this shite out?"

"Now who's being bossy?" Percival chuckled.

I grinned at him and crawled to the end of the truck bed and peered out. There was a battle going on between Morgause's guards and Arthur's army.

So I stood up to get a better view, bullets were flying, wizards were fighting, guides were attacking guides. Arthur was in the middle of a battle with some sentinel I didn't recognize. It was all chaos. I let out a low whistle.

"I have an idea," I said in a sing-song voice.

Percival peered out the truck bed now, "Yeah?"

"So like we all have that empathy thing, yeah?"

"Uh yeah," Elena said, crouching by Percival.

"So how about we use it? You know, Gwaine just told me, if you can't help 'em, knock 'em out," I explained, "So why don't we do that."

"You forgot one thing there," Percival said grabbing my shirt and yanking me down, "I'm not trained."

"Neither am I," I argued.

"Yeah, but I'm not like you," Percival shook his head.

"No, _you're_ better," I began, "Listen, just like sentinels have instincts, so do guides. Just trust yourself and fight like you know how to and if you screw up, don't worry about it. I've probably done worse by now."

"That's another thing," Elena added, "Merlin, you really need to stop playing with fire."

"Bite me, Elena," I shot back, "If you haven't noticed I kind of have no idea what I'm doing."

"I would've never guessed," Percival snorted.

"Yeah, just don't tell Arthur, ok?" I quickly said, "I told him that I know what I'm doing and I'd hate for him to gain the upper hand in this relationship by catching me in another lie so soon," I cringed, "Man, we are going to have _so_ many trust issues."

"Sounds like it," Elena nodded, "But he should've been able to tell you were lying. Sentinels are trained for that."

"I've been lying about being a mute since I was like 8, ok? Besides, nobody ever asked me directly if I was a guide until recently, since I got tested and never got sent to guide school everyone just assume I was a mute."

"How the hell did-" Elena started.

"Let's just get out of firing range first," Percival interjected, "Then you can ask him whatever the hell you want."

"Fine," Elena consented.

"Ok," I nodded, "Now, try to focus on just the people who don't have a dragon emblem on them, that's what Arthur's people are wearing."

"Ok," Percival nodded, and we stuck our heads back out, "Are you sure I can't just shoot 'em?"

"You don't have enough bullets," Elena answered.

"Well give me your gun," Percival said.

"No," Elena answered quickly.

"Guys focus, please," I scolded. I looked at one of the sentinels closest to us and picked him as my first target. I cloaked him with my empathy, as far as I knew, the best way to knock someone out was through a powerful suggestion. I was sure there were probably other ways, but this one had already proven itself useful to me, so I went for it. I had the guy down within minutes and smirked, turning to look at Percival, "Now you try and don't get frustrated if it takes you longer. Practice makes perfect."

"I guess there's no time like the present to learn," he sighed, "Can you at least give me a hint of how you did that?"

"I don't really know that much about different methods," I explained, "I just send a very powerful suggestion that they can't fight against."

"You can also mess with their senses and send them into a zone out by sending them strong negative emotions, they'll hyper focus on something not being able to handle it and zone out," Elena told us, "Negative emotions and strong suggestions are your easiest methods of attack. They work on mutes, sentinels, and whatever guide's shields you can break through."

"What about wizards?" Percival asked her.

"Their magic interferes with our empathy," she said, "We can still fight them but it can be tricky or take more power."

"But I did it," I said furrowing my brow, "I don't remember doing anything different."

"Yeah, but you're also a wizard, Merlin, chances are that your magic affects your own empathy. I can't tell you how exactly, but I'm sure it changes something for you," Elena nodded, "It has to affect your empathy somehow, and that's probably why it might be easier for you than the rest of us."

We heard a loud thud in the truck bed and I watched as Lance joined us in our crouch, "Merlin, you really picked the _worst_ times to start guide education 101."

"Hey, Lance!" I grinned, "Guys this is my best mate. Lance meet Elena and Percival."

Lance gave me a baffled look, "Uh yeah, hi and you guys say _I'm_ the airhead? Just follow me, we can do a proper meet and greet _after_ this shite."

"Well _somebody_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed," I answered, hearing Percival snicker at my response.

"Just follow me," Lance snapped, crawling to the side of the truck he'd jumped in from. "He's usually more personable, I swear," I said defensively.

Lance turned around and glared at me and I shrugged, "What?"

"Why aren't you freaking out right now?" Lance asked.

"Honestly, I just don't have the energy or the will or the space in my head or maybe it's the adrenaline or maybe l've just totally lost it," I answered, "I just can't bring myself to react right now, I really can't and, I don't have the time to care, so lead the way."

Lance watched me for a few seconds, I could see the concern in his face, but he let it go, "Yeah," he said swinging himself over the truck's side and out of sight.

"Lady's first," I waved my hand at Elena.

"Of course, _now_ you choose to be a gentleman," she shook her head at me and followed Lance.

"You next," I told Percival, watching him narrow his eyes at me and say, "You aren't coming, are you?"

I gave him a small smile, "My sentinel needs me by his side and I need him by mine. Just stick with Lance, he might be all Mr. Attitude right now, but he'll keep you safe."

Percival sighed, throwing his arm over my shoulder and giving me a brief squeeze, "Stay alive, soldier," he ordered.

I shook my head at him, "I'm not a soldier, I'm a knight of the round table and, right now, my king needs me," and with that I jumped out of the truck and crouched my way towards Arthur, doing my best not to get shot and take out as many people as I could until I reached him. He was in the middle of a fight he was easily winning, but I sensed something off with him, anger rolling off him in waves. I watched as he moved far too fast for the other sentinel to keep up, as he broke his bones and crippled the man without batting an eye. He was terrifying and lethal and, in some small, very deep and dark part of myself, and only in that part of myself, I could quietly admit the whole thing was kind of hot. The bigger and more rational part of myself, realized quickly that this was not normal Arthur. The man fighting in front of me right now, was… One extremely pissed off sentinel. "Holy shite," I blanched, "You're fuckin' feral."

How was this even possible? Feral sentinels, they just attacked. No, thought process, you know? But he wasn't exactly acting that way, he was calm, calculated. He was still attacking, but it wasn't just blindly throwing fists in the air. He _knew._ Was this a prime sentinel thing? Leading the tribe, even while fully losing control? I was a little impressed. Regardless, though, I knew I had to stop him.

I couldn't help it, I hesitated. He wouldn't attack me, right? I mean, feral or not, I was still _his_ guide. I shook the thought off and did the only thing I could think to do. I embraced him with my empathy and lowered my shields to him, like I'd done the first time. Exposing myself to him fully. He turned slowly to face me, his expression fixed with indifference as he approached me, to stand inches away from me. I closed my eyes and penetrated him.

I'd never entered anybody else's mind scape. Never attempted it. Too afraid I might leave a trace of myself behind, but I always knew I could. I could always see the point of entry. Sometimes a door, sometimes stairs, a street, or an alleyway.

Nothing like this, though, nothing like Arthur's. I was in the outskirts of it. His was a literal castle, a kingdom, a fortress of stone, surrounded by a moat. The only way in, was from the front a tall bridge that had been drawn up. I walked towards it slowly, tilting my head up to it. I'd never seen such a defense put on a sentinel's mindscape, in my experience, they were generally much simpler, unless their guide had built defenses around it, but I hadn't done that for Arthur, not yet anyway. So how had Arthur done this? And, more importantly, how was I going to get him to lower the bridge and let me in?

I chewed on my lip as I stared at it. How would a proper guide get into their own sentinel's mindscape? I laughed at my own question. A proper guide would've probably picked an easier to manage sentinel. "Hello?" I called out, "Arthur? Care to let me in, mate?"

I waited a moment before sighing loudly, "Well, there goes that idea." I tapped my foot impatiently and groaned, "Can't anything be even slightly easy for me?!" I glared at the bridge, "Open sesame!" and yeah, nothing happened after that either. What would happen if I wasn't able to get in? What would it mean if a guide couldn't enter his own sentinel's mindscape? The thought of Arthur leaving me because of it flashed in my mind, leaving fear in its wake.

Wow.

No, no, no.

Uh-uh.

Not gonna happen.

I was not going to get this far, finally accepting everything and nearly dying way too many times in a weeks' time to lose Arthur only because the bloody bastard had to be such a tool that his fucking mindscape had to be a fucking kingdom, moat and all! Ugh! "Kilgharra!" I yelled out, "Kilgharra! Where the hell are you when I need you?!"

I heard a deafening roar behind me and turned around to see Kilgharra standing there, looking impatient when he said, "Yes?"

I blinked at him, "Didn't think that would work."

"Merlin," he said in warning.

"Right," I said looking between him and the castle, "I was uh wondering, if you would be so kind as to do me this small," I raised my fingers and bending the index finger to almost touch the thumb, "small, tiny, miniscule favor for me."

Kilgharra narrowed his eyes at me, "Merlin," he said in frustration.

"Um I kind of need a ride," I continued, ignoring his tone, "The bridge is drawn up, you see, and Arthur is obviously not able to lower it, so I was hoping to, you know, fly over it, except, unlike you and all your majestic-ness, I have no wings. So if you could just lend me yours for a bit."

Kilgharra roared at me, but then lowered himself to where I could climb up to his shoulder blades, "I'll take that as a yes," I said running over to him. "What exactly should I hold- Ahh!" my words were cut off as Kilgharra took off into the sky. The ride was short lived and unreal. The wind, speed, the feeling of being up in the air was a rush. In seconds, he was landing and shaking me off, then disappearing without a word, "Thanks!" I called out to no-one, picking myself off the ground, "Appreciate it." I looked around to see something quite indescribable. It was a town, medieval style, with merchants and people, except the people weren't people, they were scents, words, impressions. Everything represented something else. I had a feeling that Arthur's mindscape was much more than I could ever hope to comprehend. The input of information was astounding, but I could see red. Things were out of place, the people moved stiffly, almost painfully so, nowhere near as smooth as they should be. Instinct told me to fix it, but I had to find Arthur.

I threw my hands up in the air and began running towards the castle's entrance. I knew Arthur was in there somewhere, I let my feet guide me, hoping that the guide in me knew the way to him. I ran through long stone corridors, whizzing by rooms that were far too big, some filled with people, others empty, desolate almost. For a second, I had thought I'd seen a shape that looked like Gwen, but I disregarded it. I kept going until finally, I reached two wooden French doors and I stopped in front of them. I placed my hands on to it and pushed the door open, what I walked into them was a… chamber. A bed chamber, it was messy and there was a long wooden table and huge canopy bed off to the side and I just wanted to stay here and explore the entire room.

I placed my hand on one of the bed posts, seeing a lump under the covers. I crawled towards it, pulling the bedding to the side as I came to the headboard.

"There you are," I said to Arthur's distraught sleeping face. It seemed that the prat was having a little nap, while I was out here losing my mind, how wonderful! I growled at him and tapped him on the forehead, "Wake up! We've no time for naps!" I wasn't exactly surprised when he didn't respond, but I also wasn't sure what to do, so I ripped the covers all the way off him and blushed at the sight of his body. His chest was bare and he was very well muscled, his skin looked smooth. I frowned at how tense his body seemed, he was sleeping but nothing about his body language said relaxed. I looked around the room for a moment, before straddling his waist. I reached to his arms, running my fingers over his skin, before beginning to rub soothing circles on his chest, slowly allowing my hands to roam and massage the body underneath. At first, it didn't seem to be helping him much, until I felt him twitch underneath me.

"Ah, so you _are_ feeling this then," I said with a smile and continued my ministrations for several beats longer, before leaning over and placing my lips on his, trailing soft kisses from his lips, to his neck. I paused for a brief moment before sliding myself down his body, kissing and biting his chest. Stopping when I heard a groan, I looked at him and asked, "Arthur?"

With closed eyes he grabbed my arms, pulling me up and pressing his lips to mine. He kissed me savagely, tearing into my mouth, biting my bottom lip, all fiery passion. I moaned into his mouth, sliding my tongue along his. It felt so real, my shaky fingers, the softness of his lips, the feel of his body underneath mine. I pulled away, "Arthur?"

"Merlin," he whimpered, pulling me against chest, "Merlin, you're here."

"I'm here," I agreed, "I'm right here and I need you to take back control, Arthur," I started sending him soothing emotions, "I need you to come back to me."

"They hurt you," he growled, "I smelled your blood. They _hurt_ you."

"I know," I nodded, "And I hurt them, but I need you to let go of that right now. I need you to stand by me, fully. I _need_ you."

Arthur nodded his head against my chest and I ran my fingers through his hair. "Let's go," I commanded.

We left his mindscape together and as I opened my eyes, I felt Arthur curled around me. His face burrowed into my neck, his arms wrapping me against him, "I could definitely get used to this," I mumbled, relaxing into him.

"Me too," he sighed, pulling back and smiling at me, "You guided me."

"I did," I nodded, "Somehow."

He laughed and kissed my brow, "I want to pin you down and bond to you right here and now."

"Here?" I looked around, "I thought you were more of the romantic type, you know? Candle light and maybe, I don't know, a bed?"

He snickered and squeezed me, "Not into any outdoor kinks, then?"

"Outdoors, I think I can manage, it's the fighting and everyone looking thing. Not into that."

"At least now I know, you're not an exhibitionist."

"Is that alright with you?" I waved my hand towards people, "Or is that what you're into to?"

"I'm quite alright with having privacy in these matters," he said, nipping at my chin.

"Good to know," I answered. Arthur grabbed me by the neck and twisted me around as he struck someone who'd come towards us, "Got to admit, seeing you fight. I can get behind that."

He whirled me around and pressed me into his chest, "Like that, do you?"

"A bit," I nodded.

"You should watch me spar sometime," he grinned.

"Do you do it shirtless?" I peered at his chest.

He snickered, "I can."

"Sounds like a date," I grinned back to him.

"So it does," he then shifted me behind him, "For now, let's just get you out of the mess you got yourself into."

"Well if you insist," I answered as he kicked someone away.

"You're going to be the end of me, you know that, don't you?" he said breathlessly.

"I could say the same thing about you," I said, raising my arm and blowing someone away.

He paused for a moment at the sight my magic and pointed at me, "You have a lot of explaining to do."

"I know," I cringed, "But not right now, right?"

"You're not going to be able to put it off for much longer," he said, smacking me in the arm, "I can't believe you lied to me."

"I was going to tell you," I answered, "I just wanted to get to know you first."

"Know me well enough now then?"

"No," I responded, "But, at this point, the veil has been drawn, I've decided the best course is to accept it all, plus Gaius said I would die if I didn't bond and I could do worse. Really, what do I have to lose?"

"Die?" he twitched, as he punched the face of an attacker, "Die?!"

"Well, not right away, I don't think," I replied, "Hopefully."

"I should really just rip your clothes off and make you mine."

"I'm already yours, besides I like the idea of a bed and privacy," I shrugged, "And we're already platonically bonded."

He turned to face me then, "Soon as we get back home, we're going to bond," he ordered.

"I'm not 17, yet," I answered, "I don't know if we can and I don't like being ordered around about it."

"If we're already bonded platonically, I'm sure we can bond physically, and it's an order that you _will_ follow," he smirked, "And you will like it. I'll make sure of that."

My eyes widened, "You really mean it, don't you? You really expect us to bond as soon as we get back? You don't even know me!"

"I know you're my guide, that's enough for now, we can worry about everything else later," he said, twisting the arm of a man behind his back, "Is that not enough for you?"

"Not really."

"It'll have to be."

"Arthur-"

"You already told me you love me, Merlin. You love me and I, you," Arthur arched his brow, "Are you saying that our love is not enough? Or are you saying you didn't mean it?"

"Of course, I meant it!" I growled at him, "But-"

"But nothing, we can take our time with everything else, _after_ we bond. _After_ I'm assured that no-one else can try to take you from me."

"Arthur," I knew my face looked stricken, "I don't want to bond because I _have_ to."

"You don't _have_ to, Merlin," he sighed and placed a hand on my head, "You could reject me if you want," he lifted my hand to his face, pressing his lips to my fingers, "I _want_ to bond with you. I _want_ the knowledge that you're wholly mine. I need it. I want to show you exactly what you mean to me and prove to you what that truly means, if you give me opportunity. If you trust me, if you allow me, I want to show you for the rest of my life, just how much I love you."

"I want to be a doctor," I blurted, "Like Gaius. I want to go to whatever college I choose. I want to travel. I want to live in Albion. I want to stay with my family."

"We can do all those things."

"You have a tribe to lead."

"So do you."

"What if we end up hating each other?"

"I'd never hate you."

"You're perfectly content with moving permanently to Albion?"

"I like Albion and if I choose it as my headquarters, who exactly if going to stop me?" he crinkled his nose, "London stinks anyway."

"What about your father?"

"What about my father?"

"What if he doesn't like me?"

"I don't care if he doesn't like you, he's not the one that's going to bed you, is he?"

"And your mother?"

"She passed away when I was a boy."

"Oh." He bent down and placed a kiss on my neck and I shuddered.

"Stop thinking," he whispered, "Stop worrying. We were meant to be, Merlin. We always were. Everything else can be worked out. We can figure it all out together."

"Together?" I questioned.

He locked eyes with me, "Together. Always together."

I nodded slowly, "And you're certain this isn't a plot to get me to not run away anymore?"

He smiled gently, "You've caught on and here I thought I was doing so well."

I leaned to him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, "You're a git."

He kissed my temple, "I'm your git."

"You _are_ my git," I exhaled happily, "Let this be the one and only order you ever give me. It'll be the only one I'll ever accept."

"So long as you don't get yourself into any more trouble, I'll never attempt to order you to do anything," he promised.

"Deal," I smiled, "Also, I promised to move in with Gaius. I don't think he'll let me get out of that so soon."

"I wouldn't expect him to," he chuckled, "Your uncle is just as stubborn as you are."

"Seriously, you guys?" Mordred's voice interrupted us, "What is it with you two and picking the absolute worse times for this kind of shite? Get a room already!"

"Would if we could," Arthur answered.

Despite himself, Mordred cracked a smile and shook his head, "Morgana needs help, she's fighting that Morgause lady."

"Lead the way," I said stepping towards him. Mordred nodded and took off, with us trailing behind him, occasionally dropping down to dodge the flying bullets.

I knew Morgause wouldn't go down without a fight.

I also knew there was no way I was going to let her win.

Morgana, Mordred, Gwen, Lance, and everyone else. They were my tribe, my people and I would be damned if I let her hurt them or anyone else.

She should've known better than to underestimate me.

 _That_ was her third mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After making you guys wait so long for that last update, I decided that the only thing I could do to make up for it was do my best to get this one typed up, edited, and posted as soon as I could. I now am suffering from over-typing-itis and must break from this for a bit. After all my pain and suffering, you must all better be grateful and get me cookies! You hear me?! I want cookies! Hope you all enjoy the chapter!


	15. He’s Done with a capital “D”

When we arrived, Morgana was on her knees, holding her head between her hands, yelling, “I don’t have a sister!”

Morgause was standing over her, “I am telling you, you were taken away! I am your sister!”

“Get away from her!” I yelled flinging Morgause back with a flick of my hand, running to Morgana and holding her to me, “What did you do to her?”

“I would never hurt her!” Morgause cried, standing, “I only told her the truth!”

“What truth?” I asked her, “What could you possibly tell her?”

She pointed at Arthur, “The truth about the Pendragons!”

“The truth about the Pendragons?” Mordred asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“They destroyed our family! They separated us. Your father took everything! My family and my right to bond!” she snarled at him.

“You killed your own father!” Arthur snapped back, “I read the files! You killed him in front of your own sister! You couldn’t control your own empathy! Y _ou_ destroyed your own family! Don’t you dare blame my father for trying to protect her from you!” Morgana flinched and cowered further at his words.

Morgause’s face twisted in rage and she lunged at Arthur with a blade and when he dodged, she snatched his arm and attacked him with her empathy. I saw him crumple in pain and growled as I tackled her off him, so she switched her aim for me, but I was ready this time and as her empathy penetrated my shields, I didn’t fight her off, instead, I pulled her right in to my maze. My tunnels were a protection of their own. They filtered emotions through them and pushed them right out when needed. I could control all of it when I tried hard enough, I could take her emotions and redistribute it right back. It wasn’t something I’d actually had any practice in. I had read a short text on it before, it wasn’t something commonly done, but I knew I could do it. I knew some part of me just knew how.

I swallowed her emotions, all of them, the good (which there wasn’t any), the bad, and the ugly, sucked them in faster than she could expel them and sent them running through my tunnels. For a moment her face became unreadable, she looked confused, almost bereft, and I was tempted to keep the emotions. Who would Morgause be underneath all the hatred, anger, and pain?

But I couldn’t. I had to expel them and the only person who could change these emotions was Morgause. They were her responsibility and I had to return them or they could consume me.

So return them I did. Full throttle. She scurried away from me, gripping her head, unable to handle the intake of her own detrimental emotions. I sat up, “I don’t know if you’re really Morgana’s sister or not,” I looked at Morgana, “Or what happened between you and the Pendragons. So I’m going to be nice, because Morgana is my best friend, and not attempt to absolutely destroy you until I find out the truth for her. You’re still too dangerous, though,” I raised my hand towards to her, “This, Morgause, is what mercy looks like,” I said before using the spell, “Swefe nu,” and putting her to sleep.

A glance at Arthur, told me he was alright, at least for the time being, “Morgana?” I asked, crawling to her, “Come here.”

She looked at me and met me half way and I grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, “I don’t know what she told you, but we’ll find out the truth together, alright? All of this, we can figure out together and if she does turn out to be your sister, then we’ll deal with that, too. Just know, it doesn’t make a difference. It doesn’t change the amazing person you are.”

She hugged me tightly and nodded into my chest, “You’ll always be my friend? Even after everything she did to you?”

“I’ll always be your family,” I corrected, “Just like you will always be mine. She isn’t going to change that.”

She pulled back, with tears in her eyes, “Thank you, Merlin.”

“You don’t have to thank me for it,” I chuckled, “This is just the way things are. You’re my family and that’s just the way it is.”

We heard a fierce growl breaking through our moment. I turned to face it with a scowl on my face. To see a sentinel, I’d never met before and…

“Nimueh?”

She stood by him, glaring at us as he spoke, “What have you done to my guide?”

“Your guide?” I looked at Morgause, “Her?”

He growled at me and from the corner of my eye, I saw Arthur standing, “Cenred,” he explained, “Has been with Morgause for at least 6 months, yet they have remained unbonded. I wonder why that is?”

I stood next to him, and asked again, “Nimueh?”

“Who would’ve thought?” she started, “That after all this time, the guide wizard turns out to be you. A weak, scrawny little boy.”

“But, you’re my friend.”

“No, you were my cover,” she sighed, “And, now, you’ll _all_ die.”

Nimueh sent out a shot of magic that I quickly matched, before it could hit Arthur. She was powerful, extremely so, and was very easily pushing her magic through mine as Cenred charged at Arthur. Arthur matched him beat for beat, but I was struggling to keep Nimueh’s magic at bay.

She was far more skilled than I could have thought to be.

Or maybe I wasn’t done thinking of her as a friend. She had fully caught me off guard. She was the last person I expected to be standing up against. “So all this time? Everything was a lie? I don’t understand. They tried to capture you!”

“What’s not to understand?” she laughed, “It was a plot. You were a payday. A means to an end, but now you’re far too much trouble than what you’re worth.”

“But, we spent so much time together! We’ve been friends for years!”

“You were always such a naïve, foolish boy!” she said pushing right through my magic and throwing me several feet away.

My body colliding into a tree, knocking the wind out of me as I bounced of it and hit the ground. For a moment, my head spun and I was sure, if I hadn’t broken anything before, I definitely had now. I tried shaking it off, but couldn’t. Too many injuries.

I heard rustling and saw feet in front of me. Mordred and Morgan were battling Nimueh, while I frantically tried to get my body to cooperate. “Come on,” I told myself, as I willed my hands to push myself off the ground, “Come on! Please! Just get up!” But I couldn’t, something was wrong with my body. The pain, broken bones, bruising. I was too tired, too worn, too everything. Then I felt two hands grab my shoulders and pull me up, “Seriously, Merlin, if you need help, you can just ask,” Gwaine said grinning at me from one side and Elyan on the other saying, “You don’t have to struggle on your own.”

I almost cried at the sight of them, “I fucking love you guys,” I said.

“Of course, what the hell would you do without us?” Elyan laughed, shifting my arm over his shoulder, “Now, come on, those two could use some help.”

I nodded and raised my hand to the sky, “If there is one thing you learned about me throughout all these years, Nimueh,” I said as I focused all of energy into my magic, “It’s that you never _fuck_ with my family!” Every bit of anger and love and pain shot out through my palm, clouds forming in the sky and lightning coming down, crashing into her body. I had been so angry, I hadn’t been able to contain my magic, the lightning slightly out of control as it covered her body, exploding and blinding eyes, and I shut my eyes closed and turned away. Once it ended, I saw her body on the ground. I gasped, as rain hit my face, and leaned my weight into Elyan. Blinking back the tears, as my eyes searched for Arthur, finding him crouching on the floor, with his face to the ground doing his best to cover his eyes. Cenred a few feet away, clearly zoned from the light.

“I really can’t,” I said, “I just can’t.”

Gwaine nodded at me, letting me go and walking towards Arthur, helping him dial down his senses in my place. I felt everything just drain from my body as the rain soaked me from head to toe. My mind was a mess, my empathy was a mess, my magic was a mess. I’d been stripped raw, taken apart inch by inch. Nimueh’s betrayal rode deep in mind. I had trusted her, laughed with her, been willing to trade my life for hers and now I…

I fucking killed her.

I hadn’t meant to. I just wanted to make her stop, but I… I _killed_ her.

She betrayed me.

She was my first girlfriend.

My first kiss.

My first date.

It was _all_ a lie.

Holding hands, giggling on my shoulder, spending hours talking about nothing. None of it was real. She was supposed to be my friend. A knight. My people. She had burrowed herself into a place inside my life and all just to make a profit? I was just a ‘ _payday?’_ I meant _nothing_ to her?

She had been trying to kill me. All of us. Why? Why? Why?

My body shook, the pain was a shock to me. I couldn’t comprehend it. I couldn’t even try to comprehend it.

I killed Nimueh.

Nimueh who forced me to watch the Notebook thirty times and listen to Taylor Swift. Nimueh who painted my nails pink for fun and wore really red lipstick when she was trying to get me to kiss her for the first time. Nimueh who snuggled on the couch with me telling me all the school gossip, that I never listened to, but I pretended to. Nimueh who pouted her lips and stomped her feet every time I didn’t do what she wanted. I killed Nimueh.

But it wasn’t Nimueh, was it?

Because the Nimueh I knew was a lie.

The Nimueh who spent countless of hours doing cram sessions with and laughed at all my stupid jokes was a lie. She was a _lie._ I gasped in pain.

It hurt. It fucking hurt so much. Everything was just pain. Anguish. I felt so broken.

Morgana and Mordred turned to me and he came to my side, throwing my other arm on his shoulder, to help carry my weight.

“Merlin,” she said quietly, but I just shook my head, “Not right now. I can’t right now. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

She nodded and placed her hand on my cheek, “I think it’s about time we got you home.”

“Yeah,” I rasped, “Let’s do that.”

Arthur sent Gwaine to get more of his people and told us to go on without them as he had to check on what was going on with the mini-war that had been going on in the middle of everything, but as they carried me out, we all caught a glimpse of the battle field. Seeing Morgause’s guards all subdued. The heavy rain putting out any of the flames I had caused. Gaius spotting us and joining our little group, seemingly exhausted himself. He followed us back in silence.

When we came back to the ambulances, I had Morgana ask about the fire and quickly informed me that the rain was helping the firefighters end it, as they loaded me up to a gurney. Percival, Elena, Daegal, and Helen all sitting in a huddle together, rose to meet me as they put me in the ambulance. I waved silently at them as I closed my eyes.

Between finding my sentinel, losing my sentinel, secret kidnappings, betrayals, secret sisters, car accidents, explosions, fire, caveman sentinels, and everything else, I was just done.

I was so, so done.

Finito.

Put a fork in me.

Gaius informed me that he would be riding back with the group as he promised everyone’s parents that he’d keep an eye on them and that he would meet me at the hospital.

I couldn’t muster so much as a thanks as they closed the doors to the ambulance. I could only look curiously as a man with a scarred face worked to put an I.V. in my arm, furrowing my brow at him when he pulled out a needle and moved to inject something into me.

I was out within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...... This has been a long time coming......


	16. I Said He Was Done! Why Doesn’t Anyone Listen?!

I started to come to and put the thought away, snuggling closer into the oh so soft bed I laid in. Man, that felt good. I had had a terrible nightmare that everything had just fallen apart and I’d been kidnapped and there was this nut job called Morgause and Nimueh had died and ugh. I felt like I hardly slept. Hell, I even felt sore!

I laughed quietly to myself. Worst fucking dream ever. Finding my own sentinel _and_ getting caught? Fire and explosions? Seriously? My life was never _that_ exciting, what in the hell had I eaten last night?! I sniggered again, my imagination surprised even me sometimes.

I frowned, what _had_ I eaten last night?

…

Oh fuck me.

I sat up with a jolt, looking around wildly. This was _not_ my room. My bed was _not_ this big and to make it worse… I really had to pee. Really, body? Really?!

I took a deep breath and took in my surroundings. The room I was in was really… extravagant and ginormous. I was sure it cost more than my house and everything in there put together. Where was I?

I saw three doors in the room. A set of French doors to my front and two smaller ones to either side of the bed. I crawled out of the bed and went towards the smaller one to my right. Ugh, I was really getting sick of this routine. I held my breath and opened it and holy hell, that was one massive walk-in closet. I was impressed. I could fit my entire bedroom in there, I shook the stupid thought away and scolded myself. This was _really_ not the time to be admiring some stupid room.

I backed up and went to the second smaller door and Bingo! Bathroom! Just like everything else, it was clearly way, way, way more money spent in here than I’d probably ever hope to make in my life. I sighed going about my business, eying up the fancy tub, wishing so badly to wash the dirt, blood, and whatever else off my body. Letting the water soothe my far too sore of a body, but I had to prioritize and prioritizing meant finding out where the hell I was in the first place.

I stepped out of the bathroom, with my body far too cruddy for my taste and made my way to the French doors and pulled them open without delay, startling the two guards (Ugh more guards? Really?) at the door.

“Hello?” I asked.

They tensed for a second before the one responded, “Hello, sir.”

“Oh good, you speak,” I smiled, “May I ask, where I am?”

“You’re in mistress Bastet’s manor,” the same guard answered.

I furrowed my brow in confusion, “I’m sorry, who? How did I get here? Why am I here?”

The guards eyed each other before answering me, “Perhaps it is best if the mistress speaks to you herself. For now feel free to clean yourself up, so you may look presentable to her.”

“Hmm,” I said looking down at my clothes and pretending to contemplate their suggestion, “And when is this mistress whoever planning on speaking to me?”

“We will tell her you awoke, I’m sure she will be here shortly.”

“Where is she now?”

“I believe she is eating now as it is noon.”

“Oh it’s noon,” I nodded, “Makes sense, well why don’t I just join her now?” I took off, leaving them stunned behind me, making my way almost half way down the hallway before they caught up to me.

“Sir, please, it’d be best if you clean yourself up first, the mistress is very sensitive.”

“I am in a random strangers house, I have every right to know why I’m here. Now you guys can either help me or you can be the enemy, but one thing you’re _not_ doing is stopping me,” I answered calmly, “Help me find her. I don’t want to have to fight you, plus I’m starved. I have no idea when the last time I ate was. What’s the saying with the birds and the stones or something?”

“Fine, but sir, you’re heading the wrong way.”

I stopped dead on my tracks, I hadn’t been expecting them to help me, maybe I really was safe now. I bit my lip, probably not. Would they really take me to her? “Firstly, can you guys not call me sir? It’s kind of weird and, secondly, please lead the way.”

We turned around and this time went left instead of right from the room, I followed them quietly, trying to remember the way, but after several turns and long hallways, the place seemed like a maze to me, it was so big, almost cold in its splendor. Did whoever live here realize how many mouths they could feed with the money they poured into this place?

I was a normal guy, undoubtedly not used to this kind of lifestyle. I had no right to judge, unless maybe this mistress turns out be an arsehole, then I could be a judgmental dick and not feel guilty about it.

It was, I’d say, at least ten minutes? Before we finally reached the dining room, another gigantic room with opulence coming out of its pores… If rooms had pores, that is. Maybe they do? If I were home I’d be calling Lance and telling him to use the inter-web to look that up for me. I snickered at the thought of him reacting to the weird question and telling me that I was the oddest nerd he’d ever met.

How many countless hours did I waste making him google stuff for me and laughing at his responses? Joking around for hours and him egging me on to ask the next weirdest question I could come up with so we could joke some more. Man, did I badly miss those days now. So, so much. Almost enough to be wracked with sadness, but I sucked it up. No time, no time. Story of my life lately, huh?

I forced myself to take in my surroundings and quickly found a young, pretty girl with penetrating eyes watching me. She was sitting on a seat at a table that had no business being that ridiculously long, but technically fit the I’m-too-rich-for-my-own-face theme the rest of the house had going on. “Hello,” I said quietly, then eyed the food on the table, “That’s some fine looking food you got there.”

The girl stood up too fast, toppling her chair over, “Join me!” she commanded.

I frowned and crossed my arms, “I don’t take orders,” I said stubbornly.

“Please?” she said imploringly.

I consented, because really, I was too hungry to make much of a fuss and made my over to the chair next to her.

Her maid quickly picked up the chair and another prepared to have me join the table, disappearing and reappearing within moments with a plate. I sat down, mumbling a thanks, taking a sip of my orange juice as she took her seat again, “So your name is mistress-“

“Freya, please, you may call me Freya,” she interrupted.

“Yeah, ok. So um,” I said taking a bite from the scrambled eggs and, was this salmon? It was delicious and glorious (Glorious!) food. To be honest, I didn’t care what it was, at this point I’d eat roadkill and cry tears of joy. I swallowed the bite and because, manners? What is such a thing? I shoved the food in my mouth finishing the plate in minutes, but whatever. What did I have to lose at this point? I chugged the orange juice and then leaned back on my chair to bask in my post feast haze for a few minutes. Mistress Freya or whatever had watched me the entire time, “Sorry,” I blushed, “I don’t know when the last time I ate was, but I’m starved.”

She gave me a small smile, “I understand. Would you like some more?”

I gave her a sheepish smile before nodding, “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“Not at all,” she waved her hand at her maids, a clear silent command that seemed very natural to her. I took a moment to sense her with my empathy and found myself relaxing. She felt so sincere and right, it made me trust her in some way, “Freya, you’re a sentinel?”

She smiled, “Yes.”

“Why am I here?”

She blinked, confusion marring her face, “Did they not tell you?”

“Who? And tell me what?”

“Edwin.”

“Who the hell is Edwin?”

“Surely, you must’ve met him? He brought you here.”

“Uh no, I did not meet him.”

“Well what about Morgause and Cedred? Have you met them?” as I heard the name, I felt dread hit me. Fuck. Fuck! Hadn’t I gotten away? The last thing I remember was being placed in an ambulance. I was home free. The battle had been won. We won. Everything was good. “You’re here to be my guide,” she continued, unware of my current internal drama, “I was told there’d been an accident and that’s why you arrived in such a terrible state, but as soon as I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. Perhaps the accident caused some memory loss? I’ll contact a doctor, Edwin assured me other than some bruises you were fine.”

I had gotten away! I shouldn’t be here! I should be home! Or at the very least a hospital! I paled, “I’m not supposed to be here and I have way more than just some bruises.”

“What?” she asked surprised.

“I’m not supposed to be here! I can’t be your guide, Freya,” I shook my head, “I’m promised to another, we’ve already initiated a bond, I’m sure you can sense it.”

“Only platonically, within a few months and the distance, it will be broken. Merlin, I’m certain that you and I were meant to be, can’t you see that?”

“No,” I disagreed, “No, I love my sentinel. I was stolen from him and brought here by force, _that’s_ why I’m in the state I’m in. I’m sorry, but I can’t bond with you. I can’t and I won’t.”

She reached over and patted my hand calmly, “You’re only saying that because of the bond. It’s instinct, but once it’s broken you will understand.”

“No!” I said jerking my hand away from her and standing up, “I’ve got to get out of here! I’m going home! I started heading towards the door.

“Stop, Merlin, please! You don’t understand, I _need_ you. No other guide can handle my senses. I need a strong guide, before I completely fall apart,” she said following me, “Everything hurts! Everything! Even silk feels like sand paper! My ears burn in the quietest of rooms!”

“Don’t push yourself on me just because you can’t control your senses!” I shouted without stopping, but she reached me and threw her hands around me pressing herself onto my back.

“I’m an alpha prime! You have to listen to me!” she choked out.

“I have an alpha,” I answered, “And it’s not you.”

She growled in my ear, “You will not deny me!” she gripped me harder, almost bone crushing, I gasped in pain, “You’re hurting me!”

“I _am_ your alpha!” she continued, ignoring me.

“You are not my alpha!” I shouted and let my magic burst out of me in a wave, throwing her several feet away from me, “I already told you before, I _don’t_ follow orders.” I continued towards the doors flinging the guards away with a wave of my hand.

I was angry and tired and hurt and I’d be damned if I was gonna let any of these jerkoffs get in my way of getting back to Arthur. I was fucking sick of this game, I was going back home if it fucking killed me and I was doing it right now, even if it took burning this entire maze of a house down to do it. I didn’t care. I was done! No more Mr. Nice guy.

Every single body that stood in my way was going down one way or another. I stalked down the hall, not a clue where I was heading and when I got lost, I looked at the wall in front of me and blasted right through it and kept at it. Wall after wall. Freya or mistress pathetic followed me, but kept her distance as I literally destroyed her house and after far too long I finally made it out to the front of it. I was being reckless and damn it if it didn’t feel good. I’d been keeping myself bottled up for _years_ and after this past week I was definitely overdue for a deranged emotional outburst.

I looked outside of the mansion or castle or whatever to find that I was, yet again, in the middle of nowhere. A vast amount of steps made me pause on my rampage, so I took a deep breath and focused all of my empathy into my connection with Arthur and I felt him and grinned, he was somewhere close, than I expanded my empathy as far as I could reach.

Anyone could feel it far and wide. It was like a pulse, a calling. I felt like a beacon, sending a message out to the world and within minutes, I felt responses. Guides were calling back to me. They felt my pain and they were responding and I was in so much pain right now. I felt like I could be consumed by it. I needed them and I knew, _I knew_ , they were coming. All of them. Every one of them were repeating my message. Spreading it further and further out to the world. And, my message, despite it only being emotions being sent out, was clear:

Find Me.

All of you find me. I stood there watching the road that came in, waiting for it, for them. For everybody and anybody and I wasn’t disappointed.

Within minutes multiple black cars started pulling into the road, ramming right through the iron gate without hesitation, stopping right in front of the steps. Numerous people climbing out. I heard a shriek behind me, but ignored it in favor of keeping my eyes to the incoming vehicles. I noticed people with guns and I felt myself getting confused. What did I just get myself into?

But then it all fell away when I saw him.

The _him._

“A-Arthur?” I whispered, not being positive that my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me.

I watched him run towards the front of the growing hoard, “Merlin!”

Just the sight of him almost brought me to my knees and froze me all at once. Every emotion bubbling to the surface, “Run,” I told myself, “Run!” but I’d let my guard down. As I made to take my first step, Freya grabbed me and shoved me to the ground, “No!” she cried, wrapping her hands around my neck, “No! You are mine!” I felt her hands tightening, as I struggled against her grip, the pressure on my throat making my mind blank out in fear. I tried pushing her off of me, but to no avail.

She overpowered me, my eyesight was getting spotty. I was sure that this was it. It’s what it all came down to, after everything I was going to die at a hands of someone I’d pissed off. Kind of fitting, I’d admit.

A second later, I saw something smash into her side, forcing her to let me go, as the force knocked her away. I took in sharp breaths, trying to regain my composure as a fight began in front of me. Slowly, I sat myself up and watched as Arthur slammed her to the ground, snarling like a wild animal. So close to him I could almost cry. I coughed as I took in air too quickly. Trying to keep them in my sight, but they both moved so fast, they were blurs to my eyes.

Then I heard a crunch and Arthur was holding her head above the ground as blood dribbled from her face, snarling at her. I whimpered at him and fell back onto my back. A moment later, I felt him next to me, “I’m here, Merlin, I’m here.”

“Arthur,” I gasped, as I felt him carefully cradle me in his arms, “Don’t leave me again,” I whispered, “Please.”

“I won’t,” he promised, “I swear I won’t.”

I felt his lips gently on mine for a brief moment, before he picked me up and carried me down the stairs. I closed my eyes, occasionally groaning as hints of all the pain I had ignored made their way into the surface. Arthur didn’t take me into an ambulance this time. Instead he waited for a helicopter to land and laid me gently onto a gurney and allowed them to secure it in there. He didn’t leave my side once, holding my hand as we flew and landed.

I hardly cared where he took me. So long as he was with me.


	17. Coming Home

It was all a blur. I was taken to real medical professionals. Given x-rays and test. Turns out I did have a couple of cracked ribs and fractured leg, my doctor marbled at how I had been able to walk on it. He assumed it was sheer adrenaline. Thankfully, Gaius stepped in and healed some of it with potions and magic, but they didn’t want to over stress my body and decided that everything else had to heal naturally, both of them told me I wasn’t allowed to do anything strenuous for the next several weeks. Arthur made a face then sighed and pulled Gaius to the side asking him a question that made the both of them blush.

I asked them both what was said, but neither would tell me. I let it go. At this point I wasn’t sure I cared. I was way more concerned about my school work. I was in AP classes and I didn’t know how far behind I would be when I got back, even though Gaius told me not to worry.

I told Arthur about Edwin and he calmly told me he’d been apprehended a short time after he’d dropped me off. Very easy to track down a guy with his description, blowing money left and right.

I was grateful to be back in Albion, even though I was stuck in a hospital. I wasn’t alone though, since everyone came to visit, but my parents still hadn’t been located and Gaius was very concerned. Arthur agreed to have a team look for them for us. I cried when he told me. I’ve been terrified for months about their wellbeing I just wanted to know if they were ok.

I’ve been crying a lot since we came back.

I cried when I saw all my friends and when I saw all of my new friends. I cried when I was told I was back in Albion and when I woke up and saw Arthur next to me. I cried after the doctor told me my diagnosis and after Gaius gave me a hug and told me he took the liberty of moving my stuff in and organizing my new room and when Arthur said he was staying with me and that I couldn’t be a bed hog. I cried when Mordred told me that he didn’t care how young they both were, he was “putting a ring on it” and “locking Morgana down” because he loved her and after seeing what I went through, he didn’t want to risk her ever doubting how he felt, but he was waiting until after I got out of the hospital so I could be there. I also cried when Gwen cried at my state and when I word vomited everything to her like I always did.

I cried about my friend who died. Even though she didn’t care about me in the end. I still loved her and all our memories.

I cried so much that the doctor had me doing therapy, with both a guide and a regular therapist.

I told them everything, too. They said I was traumatized. Something which I pointed out that I already knew. Arthur didn’t leave my side. Rumor had it that his dad came to town, to deal with the mess and to meet me, but Arthur had kept him away. He didn’t want me to get anymore stressed. He was keeping a lot of things from me. Normally, that would make me mad, but I knew he’d tell me once I got better.

Gaius gave me sleeping draughts. I kept waking up in the middle of the night, freaking out that I was still in the kidnapping nightmare. I was having a hard time convincing myself that it was all over. It had to be. “Ssh, Merlin, I’m here it’s ok,” became a recurring saying from Arthur as he soothed me back to sleep.

We hadn’t kissed since I’d come back. My jaw was sore from at some point injuring it. I still wanted my fucking kiss, but I didn’t push it.

Not yet.

I was in the hospital for two weeks before I was released. Bed rest and pills. It was a struggle to get me up and dressed. My body was still really sore and bruised. Arthur and Gaius had been helping me stay washed up, which was embarrassing in its own right, but the drugs helped deal with that kind of thing.

The teachers allowed me to study at home and have Gaius turn in my work for me. Admittedly I needed help with it more than I wanted, but I had been off since coming back. Way off, I was having a really hard time focusing. It was hard getting back into the swing of things.

Arthur had bodyguards stationed outside of the house. Gaius was severely annoyed by them but told me he was holding his complaints in until I got better. He said I’d more than proven my ability to defend myself and that I didn’t need such things.

Arthur had said that until I was bonded there was no way that would let up.

I didn’t care.

About a week and half after getting home, Arthur left quietly one morning telling me he’d be back in two hours at the latest. I assumed it had something to do with his father.

I was alone for the first time. I used magic to dress myself and snuck out of bed by myself. It hurt, but I didn’t care. Laying in bed all day wasn’t my thing. I stumbled into the living room and made my way outside. Immediately, stopped by some guard as I closed the door.

“Sir? Are you to be out of the house by yourself?”

I snorted, “I have every right to be anywhere and everywhere by myself. Either let me be or I’ll turn you into an ant.”

He flinched and stepped back as I used a cane the doctor had given me to take several steps towards the sidewalk. Surrounded by body guards almost immediately. “Uh-uh nope. You all better leave me alone or this is not going to work.”

“We have orders-“

“I don’t give a fuck about any orders you may have. I’m taking a walk and I’m doing it by myself.”

The bodyguards all looked at each other.

“We are not allowed to leave you by yourself.”

I sighed, “I will stun all of you if you don’t leave me alone.”

“But sir.”

“You have three seconds to back off.”

“Sir, you have to understand..”

“One,” I counted.

“We were ordered by the king…”

“Two.”

“To stay by your side.”

“Three,” I stunned all of them and started walking away. It would wear off in about twenty-minutes. More than long enough to get to where I wanted to go. It wasn’t far and it was one of my favorite places when I was a kid.

It was about half a mile out of town in the woods, a cave. Our first find of the knights of Camelot. We wrote all our names in it and came back here every so often. It took me longer than usual to get there. I had to go way slower after all. I climbed in it and started a fire and closed my eyes.

After all this time my parents had been MIA. It was wearing on my mind. Morgana had been Morgause’s half-sister. She was terrified of the thought, but I had told her it was important to get to know her. For her own mental health.

I laid down on the ground and took deep breaths. I could feel the comforting energy of the place I called home. I was a wizard.

I was a guide.

I pressed in all of my negative emotions into the ground and felt the earth accept all of my doubts and fears and pains. I felt better. Lighter almost.

“What are you doing?”

My eyes opened and I saw Arthur standing in the cave opening, “You ran away again,” he frowned.

“I didn’t run away,” I sat up slowly, “This is just one of my spots. I used to come here when I was upset and just let everything go, so that’s what I was doing.”

He came inside and sat down, “One of your spots?”

“Mordred and I found it when I first moved here.”

He studied our writing on the wall and shook his head. I patted the floor next to me, “You froze the guards.”

“It was only temporary.”

“I get that you’re feeling stressed, but we aren’t bonded and the world knows about you now. It’s dangerous.”

“I can defend myself.”

“You can,” he agreed, “But I don’t want you to have to.”

“You can’t keep me in a box,” I frowned, “I can’t fit in one.”

“I’m not trying to,” he bit his lip and let out a sigh, “You can go anywhere you want.”

“I just have to be followed by ten plus people.”

“Pretty much.”

“And if we’re bonded?”

“I could cut the number down.”

“Cut the number down?”

“I always have bodyguards, too and I’m not weak myself you know.”

“I guess.”

“It’s the price of being royalty.”

I groaned, “I am so _not_ royalty.”

“You are now, Mr. Alpha guide-wizard.”

I fidgeted and sat up and looked at him, “Can I ask you a serious question?”

He arched a brow at me, “What is it?”

“Why haven’t you kissed me since I came back?”

His eyes went wide, “I didn’t want to push you. We didn’t exactly get a chance to really get to know each other and then you went through all of this,” he waved his hands in the air, “Do you want me to?”

I rolled my eyes, “I’m not a frail little flower _and_ I just fought tooth and nail to get back to you. I think I earned myself at least a kiss from my sentinel, don’t you think?”

He snickered, “You earned far more than that,” he leaned in and gave me a slow, soft kiss. Molding his lips into mine. I felt him center me and the decision in my mind was made. As he pulled away I smiled.

“When I heal,” I whispered, “We are so bonding.”

“Are we?” he laughed, eyes twinkling.

“Yes,” and then I bit my lip, “But I’m definitely going to need some lessons to be a good guide. I have no idea what I’m doing half the time.”

“That could be easily arranged.”

“Gaius can teach me magic though. I don’t need help with him around.”

“Alright.”

“I have another question.”

“Go on.”

“Your father…”

“Yes, he came to visit and wanted to meet you, but I put him off, because as much as I love him, he can be off putting and demanding. I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough though.”

“Ok, but that wasn’t my question.”

“Oh? What is it then?”

“What does he think of me?”

“He’s impressed and excited to meet you. Has some commendations lined up and prepared to shove down your throat regardless of what you may want.”

“Oh good,” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry about what he wants or thinks. He’ll love you and he’ll have to deal with everything you bring to the table. You’re family.”

“Family….”

“Your parents?”

“You haven’t said anything.”

“I guess I should tell you, we did find them.”

“Really?”

“Yes, on their way. It’s supposed to be a surprise, but I think you’ve worried enough about them.”

I sighed audibly, “They’re ok then.”

“Yeah, just lost deep in some forest for a long time, tracking down a rare dragon. They’ve been in there for a long time.”

“8 months. It’s been 8 months since last contact.”

He placed his arm gently over my shoulders, “I didn’t know that.”

“I know. No-one knows that.”

“Why do you keep that kind of thing to yourself?”

“I don’t want to worry anyone unnecessarily,” I sighed, “Why would I put that stress on people I love?”

“Like how your parents do to you?”

“They don’t do it on purpose,” I argued quietly.

“I know,” he nodded, “You know, you worry me unnecessarily.”

“Nu-uh,” I nudged him.

“Yeah-huh,” he said reaching over to nibble on my ear.

I blushed and snuggled as closely to him as I could, “I want to be a doctor.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“Actually, it’s between that and a rodeo clown in America, I haven’t decided yet.”

He laughed, “I could see you do that. Not sure how well the clown thing would go over with my dad.”

“You said he’d have to deal with whatever I bring to the table.”

“And he will.”

“I need help with my homework,” I whispered, “I’m catching up, but it’s hard to get my head into it and I know it’s important. I _know_ , but I can’t seem to focus on it.”

“I’ll help you. I’m a lot smarter than you give me credit for.”

“You don’t think I’m stupid?”

“Of course not. I think you’ve made some really stupid decisions, but I don’t think you’re a stupid person in general.”

I rolled my eyes, “Thanks Arthur. I can feel the love here.”

He grinned, “What? I’m proud of my guide, he’s a warrior if there ever was one.”

“I’m a mess is what I am.”

“It’ll get better, Merlin.”

My eyes started tearing up, “I don’t know.  Maybe I’m like Morgause now, maybe I’m not fit to be a guide.”

“Don’t be stupid. Morgause is violent and dangerous. All she has is anger and hate. You are entirely the opposite. You’re love and happiness. Sunshine and rainbows and unicorns,” he whispered.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my sentinel.”

“The doctors would’ve noticed if you were unfit to bond.”

“I killed someone.”

“To protect the people you love.”

I sat upright, “I want to meet your dad.”

“What?” Arthur followed me stunned, “Merlin, I don’t think now is the right time.”

“Now is the perfect time,” I stood up unsteadily, “I need an impartial third party’s opinion and I have a lot of questions for him anyway.”

“Merlin, I don’t think you’re thinking straight right now.”

“I think I’m thinking a lot clearer now actually! Where is he? What’s his name again?”

“Uther,” he shook his head, “And I think this is a terrible idea.”

I stumbled out of the cave to see several body guards pouting at me. “Seriously?” I looked at them, “I’m sorry, guys! But I did warn you and can you blame me? I was going stir crazy, I needed some alone time and fresh air!”

“You didn’t have to stun us,” one grumbled.

“You wouldn’t listen.”

“It was embarrassing,” another one called out.

“Ok,” I shrugged, “Next time I’ll try to pick something less embarrassing?”

“There won’t be a next time,” Arthur groaned, “Please don’t make there be a next time.”

“Whatever! Get me Uther Pendragon! Stat!”

“What? Wait, Merlin, we aren’t done talking about that.”

“Yes, we are because I already decided and if you don’t help me I’m going to find him myself. Not to mention that would be just plain mean of you considering I’m injured.”

He slowly placed his arms around my waist and pulled me to his back, laying his head on my shoulder, “I’ll help you, I just want you to make sure you know what you’re getting into.”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll help me through it,” I said confidently.

“No running away.”

“I’ll do my best not to.”

“Merlin,” he huffed, “I’ll find you wherever you go. There’s no point in running anymore.”

“I bet I could give you a run for your money.”

He lifted up his head, “I wasn’t giving you a challenge, Merlin!”

I pouted, “You’re no fun.”

He placed his chin on my shoulder, “You really want to meet my dad?”

“Yes,” I said firmly, “Yes, I really do.”

“Why?”

“I want to ask him about Morgause and I want to ask him if he deems me fit to mate. Besides, he’s your dad, I have to meet him eventually. Why not do it now?”

“If you weren’t fit to mate, don’t you think I would notice?”

“Maybe or maybe you’re so blinded by my greatness that you don’t know left from right anymore.”

Arthur was silent for several seconds before saying, “If it’ll honestly quell some of your fears I’ll call him and ask him to meet up somewhere, but firstly you have to answer some questions.”

I stiffened, “What questions?”

“Did you eat after you got up?”

I bit my lip, “Uh…”

“Take your medicine?”

“Err…”

He rolled his eyes, “You aren’t meeting my dad without doing those things first and changing. Your clothes are filthy now.”

“Only if you help me change,” I smirk, “I like how you ogle me up.”

“Merlin’s a tease,” he snickered, “Who’d have thought it?”

“You make me feel unafraid to be daring,” I shrugged, “ _And_ like I’m losing my mind. It’s really confusing.”

He snickered, “Maybe _you’re_ the one blinded.”

“Maybe,” I nodded seriously.

He let me go and took my hand, “Come on, let’s go home and get straightened out and then I’ll call him up, deal?”

“Deal,” I nodded and let him lead me back. My new entourage following behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm chugging along with this story. Push, push, push. I feel so close and yet so far of that finish line, but it's getting there! We're getting there! Thank you to everyone who's stuck around so far and for your support. Especially to everyone who took the time to comment, I really appreciate it.
> 
> Extra special thanks to PeaceHeather, you deserve a sundae with mountains of whipped cream and cherries and sprinkles.


	18. Meeting The Old Man

 

Arthur forced me into a suit.

I don’t know where he even got the suit from, considering I didn’t remember owning any but he pulled one out and told me it was in my best interest to wear it.

I scowled at him up until the point I started drooling at him in his own suit. I was both turned on and jealous that he seemed to be so comfortable and confident in his own clothing. Where as I felt like I was wearing someone else’s skin and pretending it was all good.

I was quiet as we loaded into the car and I felt my nerves slowly beginning to get the better of me. I mean I was meeting Arthur’s father! How could I have agreed to this? I barely knew the kid and now I was agreeing to meet his dad? Who was known to be a hard ass? What if he tells me I can’t be with Arthur? I would die. I’m so ridiculously attached to him. Every part of me is just waiting for the moment to be able to fully embrace him. He’s already a part of me. This was a terrible idea. I don’t know what I was thinking.

“Stop the car,” I mumble.

“What?” I hear Arthur to my right.

“Stop the car! I know you heard me!” I screech.

“Stop the car,” he commands.

“What were you thinking agreeing to this?!” I start shaking, “This was a terrible idea.”

“That’s what I told you!”

“Arthur! What were you thinking?” I huff.

Arthur studies my face for several moments, takes my trembling hands in his, “Merlin, I need you to take a deep breath.”

I did as he told me and he smiled, “Now another one.”

He had me take several deep breaths and placed his hand on my chest, “You’re ok.”

“I’m ok.”

“He’s going to love you. You don’t need to worry about that, ok?”

“Ok.”

“Are you calm?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“You don’t need a guide that has panic attacks at the drop of the hat.”

“You just went through a bunch of craziness, it’d be weird if you didn’t have anything going on at all. It’ll get better.”

“Yes.”

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead, “Are you ready?”

“Kind of.”

“I’m going to be with you the entire time.”

I nodded, took another deep breath, “I’m ready.

He nodded to the driver, “Let’s go.”

He held my hand the rest of the way, rubbing soothing circles on my palm. It hadn’t been the first time I had a near panic attack since I came back. This was mild in comparison to other ones I’d had, but it still made me feel weak and helpless and I was feeling enough of that lately. Could hardly dress myself and despite what I told Arthur, it really bothered me a lot more than I let on. Not to mention the cane, I hated the damn cane. I wasn’t sure if the platonic bond was sending him my emotions or not, since he never said anything, but every once in a while, he would give me these looks like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Like now, he knew I was about to have a melt down and he calmed me down. It wasn’t that he noticed I was upset, it was how quickly he noticed that made me think he did feel my emotions. When I told my guide therapist that even though I had a bond with Arthur I wasn’t sure that I was getting any of his emotions, I was assured that this was normal between platonic bonds. I was also told that it could have to do with the overwhelming amount of emotions I had going through me right now, that I could be receiving his emotions and not even be able to tell.

It was moments like these that made me feel like the latter was true. That the reason Arthur was able to respond so well to me lately is because he could feel at least a small part of what I was feeling and he was immediately able to decide the best way to treat me. This made me feel like a bigger loser. It was supposed to be a two-way street. We’re supposed to take care of each other and yet Arthur was the one doing all of it, while I was busy trying to come up for air from the tornado of feelings I was constantly trying to tamper down.

Nobody said it out loud, but I knew why I was like this. They keep saying things like you went through a very traumatizing experience, but I was 99% sure that what really hit me was Nimueh. More specifically my killing her. I didn’t know how to deal with it and I didn’t know how to rationalize my actions away. I didn’t even know how to talk about it. It happened and I knew I had to deal with it, but what could I even say about it?

The driver pulled to a stop and I took my time getting out of the vehicle. Arthur’s dad was staying in the only hotel in Albion. It was a Marriott and it looked nice from what I saw. I was nervous and hardly focused on my surroundings. I let Arthur lead me into a conference room on the first floor, it was filled with people and right in the center, was definitely a presence. I knew instantly who I was looking at and his assessing eyes immediately shot to me. I felt him making decisions and judgements before we even reached him.

“Father,” Arthur spoke, “This is Guide-Wizard Merlin Ambrosius. Merlin, this my father Sentinel Uther Pendragon.”

Uther stood up and smiled politely, “It’s an honor to finally meet you, Guide-Wizard Ambrosius.”

And yeah, I have no idea what got into me when I said, “Oh no need to be so formal, you’re practically my father-in-law.”

I felt Arthur stiffen beside me and saw Uther’s eyes grow wide as I kept going, “Should I call you dad, too?” Oh great, I was word vomiting again and I had no control over it.

That got Arthur laughing, “What?”

I shrugged, “What? Is that weird? That’s what Lance calls Gwen’s dad.”

Uther let out a rigid chuckle, “Uther is fine.”

“Stiff,” I mumbled, “Fine, Uther. I have some shite to talk to you about.”

“Merlin, language,” Arthur scolded in-between boats of laughter.

“What?” I scoffed, “Did you fail to tell your father I have no manners?” I looked at Uther, “I have no manners. Can we just talk?”

Uther was silent for several beats before saying, “There are several people here I want to introduce you to.”

“No thank you. I’m too tired right now for nonsense and it’s really noisy in here.”

“What?” Uther sounded extremely offended.

“Father, Merlin is still recovering from some severe injuries and still on some pretty strong pain medication. What he’s trying to say is that right now is obviously not the best time and he only came here with the intention of meeting you,” Arthur quickly covered.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to say,” I agreed easily, “The pain killers give me no filter. My deepest apologies.”

Uther seemed to calm down a bit after that and nodded, “I understand. Strong medication can certainly have some adverse effects on us.”

I bit my lip at the statement. At this point I was 100% sure Uther thought I was high on pain meds. Which was in no way true. If anything, I was taking way less than the prescribed dose. I wasn’t a pill guy.

Uther nodded at the men, “Leave us, please,” though it came out more like an order than anything else. Everyone listened, leaving us alone in the conference room. I let out a deep breath and put my hand to my forehead, “Can I sit now?” Without a thought I moved to one of the chairs and slowly lowered myself down. Arthur was by my side in an instant, kneeling down, “Are you alright? Maybe we should go home?”

“Go home? I’ve barely done anything and you want to take me home already?”

“Merlin, you’re-”

“I know,” I groaned, “I’m supposed to be on bedrest, but whoever listens to their doctor anyway? I’m fine.”

“You’re in pain,” he frowned.

I lowered my hand and looked at him, “I’m fine, really. Nothing I can’t handle, yeah?”

He frowned but nodded, clearly not happy with my decision, but respecting it for now. He stood up and looked at his father, “As I explained, Merlin has some questions to ask you and since he’s not feeling well, I’d like to keep this short. Can we just get right down to it?”

Uther nodded and sat across the table from me and Arthur took the seat next to me.

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the growing headache I was feeling. “Well, Merlin?”

I reached out with my empathy and lightly grazed Uther’s shields, “Do you mind?” I asked.

“You may,” he answered.

I carefully penetrated his shields, taking my time to not damage them or him. The goal was to go in deep enough to know he was sincere without going too far. Right as I settled into where I wanted to be I opened my eyes and saw him starring widely at me. “Right so, it really is nice to meet you, Uther. Arthur talks about you quite a bit.”

“You broke through the shields,” he said dumbfounded.

“I didn’t break anything,” I said frowning.

“Dad, he’s an Alpha guide, remember? He’s pretty powerful.”

“Right,” he said, still sounding a bit flustered. I guess he wasn’t expecting me to be able to do that, “Right,” he cleared his throat, “Arthur said you had questions.”

“Yes, ‘bout Morgause,” I nodded, “You labeled her as un-bondable, why?”

“She killed someone,” he stated.

I gave him a hard look, “So did I.”

He sighed and shook his head, “She killed her father while in a fit of rage. She was placed in a facility and after years and years of therapy she didn’t improve. Several therapists all said the same thing, she could not bond. She can’t open herself enough for a bond. Even if we did find her sentinel, she would end up hurting that person more than helping. She cannot manage her emotions, she could not create a proper shield. There was little hope of that ever changing and so I decided that she should not bond for her own protection. How worse would she be if she ended up hurting her own sentinel? Still I continued her therapy, in the hopes that perhaps one day she would improve. Placing any guide or sentinel under that label is the last thing I’d ever wish on anyone, but then she broke out,” he picked up a file, “Since she’s been back in custody it seems she’s worse now than when she left. I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to improve. The things she’s done have only further darkened her heart.”

I felt Uther’s emotions while he talked, and I knew he was genuine, “Are you always so personally involved in the life of criminals?”

He gave a surprised look and answered, “Morgause was the daughter of a dear friend. I took them in after the incident.”

“So then you knew the whole family well? What happened to their mother?”

“She passed away from illness.”

I leaned forward placing my arms on the table and stretching my hands out, “But Morgause has a half-sister.”

“Both from the same mother,” he agreed.

“And since you knew the family so well, you would know who the father of the second child was?”

I watched Uther tense up, “I would yes.”

“Who’s the father?” I felt a pang of shame hit Uther and my jaw dropped, “B-but you placed her in adoption.”

“I had her placed with an excellent family.”

“Why?”

Uther scrunched up his face, “Do you have any idea what that kind of publicity could do to my family? To her? How many hardships she would have to face if the truth of it came out?”

Arthur spoke up then, “What are you two talking about? Who’s her father?”

Uther’s eyes bore into me, a clear command to keep my trap shut. I leaned back on my chair and crossed my arms, arching a brow. When he saw that didn’t work, he changed tactics to pleading with me with his emotions. I looked away from him, “He’s my sentinel,” was all I said.

That made Uther stop, sentinels and guides didn’t keep secrets from each other. Not for long anyway. Even if I kept my mouth shut for a while, Arthur would probable get it out of me sooner than later.

“I am,” he said quietly, “She is your half-sister.”

“What? What are you talking about?” For the first time, I felt his emotions I knew this was a shock to him.

I reached over and hooked my hand around his. Sending him a strong wave of calm, “No wonder,” he whispered, “She smelled so familiar,” he gave me such a confused look, crossed between calm and anger, “How?”

Uther looked ashamed, “It was after your mother passed. Vivienne and I comforted each other. I never meant for it to happen, but it did and I did what I had to for both of you. I did my best to protect you both. Morgana has never wanted for a thing in her life and she’s been safe and happy.”

Arthur looked lost and I knew it was time to leave. He needed to think, but I had one more question. So I squeezed his hand and looked at Uther, “One last question.”

Uther looked at me, visibly relieved by the distraction, “Go on.”

“I killed someone,” I started, “Someone who was my friend,” I looked around, “Assuming you’ve had access to my files, and don’t bother telling me otherwise, I’m sure you know everything. Even with that information, you still fully believe me capable of being a proper guide to your son?”

“Yes,” he answered calmly.

“Thank you. We have to go now.” I sent Uther some comforting feelings before ending my connection. We all stood and I shook his hand, wishing him a good day, while Arthur was quiet and robotic in his movements. Still he followed me automatically and I was grateful for it. My body wasn’t exactly up to attempting to pull him out of the room. We wordlessly entered the vehicle that had dropped us off and I curled myself as best as I could around Arthur. Placing one hand on his neck and pulling his nose to the crook of my neck. I stifled the note of discomfort at the way I twisted my body, hearing Arthur’s appreciative sigh and feeling him pull me closer, I knew that it was worth it. I kept sending him calm emotions, but I didn’t want to stifle his own, I wanted him to be able to work through what he felt.

As soon as we got home, we both changed into pajama bottoms and cuddled in bed.

“Not ready to talk yet?” I asked.

“I never knew. I should’ve realized when I met her.”

“She’s a wizard, they smell differently, besides it’s not like you knew it was a possibility. You’re mind just didn’t have the information to make the connection.”

“I have a sister.”

“Yes and she’s an awesome sister. I’m really jealous.”

“Thank you,” he shifted and moved to look at my face, “For being you.”

I placed my hand on his cheek, “I know you’re upset with your dad and you have the right to be, but if you think about it, you just gained something amazing. Morgana is an incredible person and she’s already a sister to me.”

He smiled, “You’re surprisingly optimistic for someone who has a pretty paranoid personality.”

“I’m only paranoid because I’ve had to keep a secret since primary. It helps to hide when you’re constantly worried about getting caught. Keeps you on your toes.”

“We would’ve probably met a lot sooner if you hadn’t.”

“But I wouldn’t have met my friends.”

“That’s true and you would’ve been a super sheltered baby, not allowed to make any of his own decisions.”

“Exactly.”

“No where near as spunky as you are now.”

“Ok.”

“I love you for it, but still I wish I’d met you years ago.”

“Me too.”

He leaned down and kissed me, whisper soft and teasingly. I sighed as we blended into each other. His tongue stroking my own, his body pressed carefully against mine. The intensity a slow perfect build. His scent was masculine and clean, slowly wrapping itself around me. I moaned into his mouth feeling a mixture of safety, love, and complete lust. It was one of those moments where my mind was completely blank and all I could think of was Arthur and how truly incredible he’s been. He’s been my rock and I wanted so badly to return that. Every little bit that I get to know of him, the more I want to know. The more I feel for him.

Arthur slowly pulled away from me and I pouted. He grinned and kissed my forehead, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how extraordinary you are to me,” he whispered.

I smiled and yawned, then frowned, “I’m not tired,” I said almost immediately.

“You’ve been spending most of your days sleeping and not moving, of course you’re tired.”

He repositioned us, making sure to be careful how he placed himself around me. “I want to stay up with you.”

“I’m tired, too,” he whispered, “It’s been a stressful day, let’s take a nap. Gaius will wake us when he gets home.”

“Fine, but if you happen to wake up before me, you better not let me sleep.”

“Deal,” he yawned.

I so wanted to keep talking to Arthur and kissing him, but the exhaustion my body felt overtook me. Feeling him wrapped around me and holding me securely against him made me feel steady and relaxed. I let my eyes fall closed. I dreamt of Arthur’s warm hands and charming smile.

I dreamt of standing next to him and the both of us walking side by side to a better future.

I felt like I was seeing the stars that were lighting the way out of the tunnel and I was finally ready to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double-fudge chapter update day! YAY! :D
> 
> I'm having one of those nights, where instead of sleeping, I'm up watching Judge Faith and typing away like a crazy person... Random side note: my new neighbors suck. T_T


	19. Mom? Dad?

 

A couple of days later, I woke to Arthur gently prodding me awake, without saying much of anything he helped me to the bathroom, washed me up and helped me get dressed. Lead me to the kitchen to see Gaius, who smiled at me, but didn’t say a word. Gaius had gotten into the habit of asking me thirty questions every day.

We ate in silence and I was fed my meds. Anti-biotics and pain killers.

Yum.

It was several more minutes of silence that started to eat up at me.

“What exactly is going on?” I gave them both suspicious looks, “What are you two hiding?”

Arthur looked away, shrugged and left the room.

Gaius just looked at me, “Patience, Merlin, you must learn patience.”

“Patience for what? You’re both being weird.”

Arthur came back and smiled, made a motion as though he was zipping his lips, locking it and throwing away the key. I narrowed my eyes and he looked desperately at my uncle. Gaius waved him back out of the room and he left quickly.

“What is happening?!” I yelled out, but Gaius ignored me. I sat brewing at the kitchen table for a full ten minutes before the door bell rang and I heard Arthur call out, “I’ll get it!” before hearing his fast steps running towards it.

He opened the door but I couldn’t hear much so I slowly got myself up, I barely made it two steps before Arthur showed up and stood by my side staring at the doorway. Gaius took flank on my left and soon the two people I was last expecting to see came into the room.

“Merlin!” she cried as she made it over to me and pulled me into her arms, “Mom?” the word felt foreign. I loved my mother, but today I felt like I was being embraced by a stranger. Still I hugged her back, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry. We hadn’t known! You went through so much and I wasn’t by your side! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here!”

“It’s ok,” I mumbled as she let me go and took my face into her hands, tears in her eyes, “You were always such a strong boy, Merlin. To be able to do everything you did, you are truly growing into a very strong man.”

I nodded numbly as I looked at her. She looked different. She had a deep tan and she looked young, but weary. Had I caused those stress lines? My eyes shot to the man standing patiently beside her, eyes full of shame. “My work caused us to be away,” he said when he noticed me looking, “We should’ve both been here for you.”

My mother let me go then and took a step back as my father hugged me tightly and then let me go. I didn’t know what to say. I was sad, angry, and happy all at the same time.

“You’re right,” Arthur spoke first, “You should’ve been here. He needed you and you couldn’t even make a phone call.”

I started to cry, “I needed you,” I repeated, “I really, really needed you.” They both bowed their heads in clear regret. “I’m glad you’re ok, but I’m angry at you both. You were supposed to call.”

“Don’t blame your mother, son, it was my-”

“You are both to blame,” I interrupted, “You both have responsibilities to your own actions and we made a deal and you broke it.”

“I’m sorry,” my mother cried, I saw her face crumple.

I looked at Arthur unsure of what to do. He placed his arm around my waist and squeezed it, I felt him give me strength. I knew I had to let this go, these were my parents and what they were doing was the norm. I loved them, and dragon training was in my father’s blood, it’s what he did. My mother knew that and she loved him for it. Being with him made her happy. I had to accept them for all of their faults. Just like Arthur was willing to accept me. I looked back at my parents, “I forgive you, but if you do it again I won’t speak to you anymore.” My mother hugged me again.

“Tell me everything,” she whispered. My parents and I went to the living room and I laid my head on my mother’s lap, my father sat on the floor and listened to everything I said. We all cried. I felt pathetic and happy to have them there. My mother said she wouldn’t travel with dad anymore, but I convinced her to go. I knew it wasn’t perfect and maybe things would’ve been different if I had them around more often, but my parents were who they were. They were great people and traveling together made them happy and that’s what I wanted for them. My mother promised never to allow such a huge time lap again. Eventually Arthur joined us too and they asked him a lot of questions, my dad welcomed him into our family.

At some point Gaius talked to them both privately. Arthur told me he was reprimanding them for not staying in contact with me. I nodded. I felt happy they were ok. A part of me that had felt lost, was put together again. Arthur told me that if they lost contact for more than a month, he’d send people out for them again, until they got the point. He wasn’t letting me go through life always worried about them anymore.

We all ate dinner together and my parents stayed over at Gaius’s house with me. It was nice having everyone together.

* * *

 

I woke up earlier than Arthur did this time and watched him sleep. He seemed peaceful. My parents had come in yesterday and I still hadn’t been able to bring the subject of his dad back up. I wasn’t sure how he was feeling about it now.

I was a terrible guide.

I closed my eyes.

I kept feeling like less than, unable to measure up to Arthur, but maybe he wasn’t as far ahead as I thought. Maybe he and I truly were on par and mind just needed to untwist long enough to see it.

I hoped so.

I really, really hoped so.

If we weren’t on equal grounds, then I didn’t know how I was going to be able to handle being with him. I was already afraid of the loss of control I felt all the time since coming back. Everything was unraveled, all my secrets were out, I was relieved and stressed by it all at the same time. I never had any control over what my parents did, I didn’t have a choice on becoming a guide or a wizard. Now, I didn’t know what I _did_ have control over. My secrets were out and I was weak in so many ways, but still Arthur stood by me. He always gave me a choice. He didn’t take over and make everything his way and I knew this. I knew, but a part me still feared that maybe, maybe I was wrong. I didn’t know how to trust myself like I used to.

Then there was the love I felt for him. I wanted to be the one he could lean on. I was really attached to him already. Gaius had told me that it was normal for me to feel strongly about my sentinel, because I wouldn’t be able to continue without one, that, when I found mine, my body might go into over drive to make the mating happen as soon as possible. It was supposed to be some type of self-preservation, but it didn’t feel that way to me.

It didn’t feel like I just wanted to jump on him and fuck him. I wanted to be what he needed. I wanted to be connected to him. It felt like love and it all happened fast. So fast. I was enchanted, and I let him in, just a bit, and that was enough, enough to make me want to fight for him. Enough to make me want to develop that love. I could survive without Arthur (well maybe not forever), but, regardless, I didn’t want to. I knew he’d always stand by me and I wanted to stand by him. I wanted him to be my family. I wanted him to be in my life permanently. Is this what Gwen and Lance felt? What Mordred felt?

What Arthur felt?

I took my shirt off and looked at my chest. I stripped down the rest of the way. The cuts, the bruises, the worst ones were still wrapped. Was Arthur truly attracted to this? I looked like a mess.

I looked at his beautiful sleeping face and I knew the handsome body hiding underneath all that cloth.

I acted without thinking, pulling the blanket off of him, I felt him stir a bit, but ignored it and looked at his chest. Arthur never slept with a shirt on and most of the time he tried to talk me into doing the same. He liked feeling as much of my skin as he could and didn’t care that half of it was still bandaged up.

I bit my lip. Arthur’s chest was strong. His shoulders were broad, his arms big and muscular. Veins could be seen sticking out on his forearms. I reached for his shorts and started pulling them off, stopped by Arthur’s hand.

“What are you doing?” he mumbled half asleep.

“Looking,” I explained.

“What?” He rubbed his eyes and opened them a little wider as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, “Are you naked?” he whispered.

“Yes,” I answered, and he let go of my hand letting me start tugging on his shorts again.

“Why?”

“I was looking at something.”

“And you had to do it naked?”

“You’ve seen me naked before.”

“Not entirely naked.”

“Would you lift your hips already? You’re making this impossible.”

He did as I told him, letting me pull his shorts off the rest of the way. Then he sat up and pushed me down on the bed.

“What are you doing?” I growled.

“Looking,” he answered as he moved slowly down to my feet, I lifted my head up and watched as his eyes hungrily took me in. I shivered as he whispered, “Are we just looking?” he said placing his hands on my ankles and rubbing my calves gently, “Are we allowed to touch too?” I swallowed hard and nodded.

He lifted up my left leg and kissed the area his hand had touched, “What about kissing?” I mumbled an attempted yes, but I’m not sure if it was coherent. He smiled though, like he knew what I meant, kissing my leg up to my knee and doing the same to the other. His hands glided all the way up to my waistline, keeping one there and bringing one further up as he moved up my body, my legs spreading for him without any thought. “You’re so beautiful,” he said quietly. Leaning forward, placing his hand next to my head and kissing my eyelids and my nose and cheeks. I brought my lips to his and felt his tongue prod for entrance, I moaned into his mouth, letting him in.

He groaned as he tasted me, I wrapped my arm around his back, pulling him closer, but it was a mistake. I tensed in pain as I felt his weight on me and he stopped moving and sighed, pulling away and lifting off of me and as he settled on to his side, he asked, “Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

I groaned in frustration, “No, so do we really have to stop?”

“Yes, if we continue I’ll end up hurting you,” he nodded solemnly, then smiled, “But it’s not like we’re in a massive rush, Merlin. We can take our time.”

I turned to look at his face and smiled, “I know, but waiting sucks.”

He grinned and nuzzled my nose with his, “What were you looking at anyway?”

“I was trying to figure out why someone who looked like you wanted someone who looked like me.”

“By seeing me naked while I slept?”

“I was trying to find some type of deformity. I figured that would be a good reason.”

“You’re an idiot,” he said narrowing his eyes at me, “A complete idiot. Yeah, so your body is banged up right now, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t sexy. Your body is beautiful. Your slim figure and soft skin is tantalizing in the best of ways. Your eyes are the color of the deepest oceans, untouched and pure. I could drown in them. Your hands fit perfectly in mine. Everything about you is perfect to me. From your cute ears that turn red when I kiss you to your slender feet, I love all of it. You have to stop questioning that.”

I blushed and nodded, “I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve lost every ounce of confidence in myself since I came back. It’s been getting better, but I’m just…” I trailed off, not knowing how to finish my sentence.

“You’re readjusting. Maybe once you heal more and start going to school again you’ll start feeling more yourself. I’m starting to think, it’s not just the physical wounds we should wait to heal. I don’t want you to bond with me when you’re feeling so low. What if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons?”

I frowned, “What?”

“I love you, Merlin. I love even the parts of you that I don’t know about,” he nodded, “I love your crazy and your paranoia and how smart you are, but that means nothing if you don’t love yourself. I know you’re down and I will stand by you while you work through it, but I don’t want to bond until you’re fully healed. Mentally and physically.”

I tensed, “I’m getting better.”

“Yes, but you can’t deny you’ve been off and if we’re going to do this, we’re doing it right. With the both of us standing next to each other and if you can’t do that right now, then I’ll wait until you’re ready. We’re equals, Merlin, and when we bond we’re going to start our union on the right foot.”

“Fuck,” I turned away from him, “You suck.”

“What?” he grabbed my shoulder, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I can’t argue with you when you’re being so reasonable and mature,” I whispered.

He let go, “Not what you wanted to hear?”

“Yes and no,” I grumbled, “And _you’re_ the idiot.”

“Are you ok with what I said?”

“Of course, I’m ok with it. You’re right.”

I felt him shuffle closer and press his nose into my neck, “What was that? Couldn’t hear you.”

“I said you’re right,” I elbowed his ribs and turned over to him, “Show off.”

He grinned, “You’re adorable,” he pulled the blanket over us, “Are you ready to get up or are we staying in bed for a while?”

“Bed?” I pulled the blanket right back off, “I’m sick of staying in bed.” I swung my legs over and carefully put on my bottoms, I went to the bathroom and washed up, then stumbled back into the room and found him hiding under the blankets. I grabbed it and ripped it off, “Up! I said up!”

“No!” he groaned, “No up!”

“Up!” I said again, “Up, princess!”

“It’s too early!” he argued.

“Early? It’s light out already! If you don’t get up, I’m getting dressed and leaving the house without you.”

He grumbled and got up, “I’m up! Don’t go anywhere!” he threw his shorts on and stumbled out of the room and I started dressing myself. It took effort and it was slow going, but I was mostly dressed by the time he came back in. I threw my socks at him and sat on the bed, “Help me, peasant!”

“First I’m a princess and now I’m downgraded to peasant? How’d that happen?”

I shrugged, “Princesses don’t complain as much as you do.”

He rolled his eyes, picked up the socks and shoes from the floor and kneeled down in front of me, “For you my prince? Anything.”

I snickered, “You’re ridiculous.”

He shrugged, “Then I match you perfectly.”

I smiled, “Hopefully, soon you won’t have to do this kind of thing for me.”

He finished with one foot and began putting my sock and shoe on my other one, “I like taking care of you.”

“That’s good and all, but this isn’t the way I want you to take care of me.”

“I know, I’m just saying I really don’t mind,” he said placing my foot back on the floor.

“Thanks, I guess,” I stood, “You get dressed, I’ll get breakfast started.”

“Be careful, you know you can’t bend over for too long. In fact, you can’t do much for too long, maybe you should wait for me.”

“I can cook some eggs just fine on my own. It’s not hard,” I said leaving the room. I walked to the kitchen to find my mother cooking breakfast. It was rare sight indeed.

“Good morning, Merlin,” she said smiling to me.

“G’morning, mom,” I said sitting at the table, “So I’ve been curious, how long are you and dad staying this time?”

“Well until you heal,” she answered, “At minimum, but we’ll be staying in our own house the rest of the time we’re here. There’s simply not enough space here for all of us.”

“Cool,” I smiled, “Bring me anything neat?”

She grinned, “Your father has your gift.”

“And I plan on giving it to you now,” my father interrupted, he pulled a small pouch out of his pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it and a necklace came out, with stone of kaleidoscope colors as the pendant, “Wow, what kind of stone is this?”

“It’s not,” my father answered, “It’s a dragon scale.”

“What? I’ve never seen one like this.”

“Neither have I,” he said sitting down, “It’s what we’ve been tracking for the last 6 months. Still haven’t found it’s source. It is excruciatingly rare dragon. I haven’t found a book that mentions one with such color.”

“I bet it’s beautiful,” I smiled, “Almost like my own.”

“Your own?” he asked.

I grinned, “My spirit animal is a dragon, dad. It’s way cool.”

My mother laughed, “You truly are your father’s son.”

“What species is it?”

“I have no idea, his scales almost look like this one, though, they have more gold in them,” I explained, “I’ve never seen another one like him and his name is Kilgharra.”

“Kilgharra?” my father nodded, “Do you think you could ask him what kind of dragon he is?”

“I could,” I nodded, “But I don’t know if he’ll know or not, spirit animals are different.”

“Of course, they are,” he agreed, “Do you think I could see him?”

“I wouldn’t mind showing you if I knew how,” I shrugged, “But I’m not even sure that it’s possible to show a mute.”

“You’re a pretty powerful empath,” Arthur cut in, “So I don’t think it’s outside the realm of possibilities. You know, my father has been recommending me some good guide tutors for you. If you’re ready to start learning, I can set an appointment for one to come here. Maybe we can find out from them? Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Ambrosius.”

“Oh dear, please call me, mom. You are family after all,” my mother quickly spoke.

I looked at Arthur instantly. Would something like that bother him? But he simply smiled, “Thank you, mom,” Arthur turned to look at me, “It seems my family has been growing in strides lately. I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you keep them all in order,” I smiled back at him.

“My what a lively morning,” Gaius said coming in, “Good morning all.”

“G’morning, Gaius, can I ask you a question?”

He patted my head, “When have I ever denied you knowledge?”

“Do you think it’d be possible to show a mute my spirit animal?”

“It wouldn’t be a first for a mute to see one,” he spoke, “however, that being said, I’ve only heard of accidental sightings, I’m sure I can do some research, but even with that, there’s not much to be read on alpha guides in general. I don’t think it’s impossible, perhaps when you learn to better control your empathy and communicate more with your spirit animal, you could try to find a way.”

I nodded, “Will you look into it and see what you can find for me?”

“It’s an interesting subject. I’ll be sure to research it,” Gaius consented.

“Arthur, how about you help me get this food on the table?” my mother asked.

He walked over to her and picked up plates of pancakes and sausages, while she brought over eggs and toasted bread. Arthur immediately began piling food on my plate.

“Hey! That’s too much,” I said attempting to stop him.

“You need nutrients to heal properly,” he countered.

“I can’t eat all of this,” I whined.

“You’ve lost too much weight, Merlin,” he said placing the plate of sausages down, “The doctor said so.”

“Yes, but my entire stomach area is practically a giant bruise,” I sighed, “It hurts to eat.”

“Well if you ate the calorie bars I bought you, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.”

“Those bars are disgusting.”

“Then drink the shakes,” he said sitting next to me.

“I don’t like milkshakes.”

“You’re being impossible.”

“I’ll gain weight in my own timeline, not yours.”

“I don’t want you to end back up in the hospital.”

“When I heal some more, I’ll eat more, ok?”

“I’ll agree if you promise to eat at least one of those bars a day.”

“Can I agree to half a bar and more snacks?”

“An entire bar _and_ more snacks.”

“Fine, but I want something for my pain and suffering.”

“What do you want?”

“Can I think about it and get back to you?”

“Yeah, just don’t go crazy with it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He flicked my forehead, “You know exactly what I mean.”

“The helicopter ride was _not_ crazy. It’s not my fault I couldn’t remember my first one.”

“Landing it in your school was.”

“We were picking my friends up. They deserved a treat.”

“Mordred really got a kick out of it, didn’t he?” he said grinning.

“I think he’s seriously contemplating giving up magic all together and becoming a pilot,” I grinned back.

“Does he already know what he’ll be studying when he graduates?”

I nodded, “Wants to be a potions master and Morgana wants to specialize in curses and work in the magistrate. They’re going to be a power couple, those two.”

“Curses?”

“Yes, she wants to be a curse breaker,” I nodded, “She’s been into it for years. I’m glad she finally got out of the phase of experimenting on me though. That was a painful year. We’ll see, they might change their minds when they get older.”

“What about Lance?”

“Undecided that one,” I mused, taking a bite of food, “I’m pretty sure his only future plan is to follow Gwen wherever she goes. I’m not worried though, he’s the type to think fast on his feet, I’m sure he’ll find his way somehow. Probably do something working with his hands. He’s not really a book guy.”

“I could see that, he’s a smart guy,” he looked thoughtfully at his food, “Wonder if he’d be willing to train to be a guard.”

“Guard?”

“Yeah, you know, working for me.”

“I think he’d like that actually.”

“You two sound so mature,” my mother said watching us.

 I blushed, for a long moment I’d entirely forgotten we weren’t alone. Arthur nodded, “Not much time left to think about this kind of thing.”

“Nonsense! Plenty of time left,” my father disagreed, “I travelled for years before I found my niche in life. Luckily, I met a wonderful woman who supported me through it all and helped me develop a career in it.”

“Different strokes for different folks, dear,” my mother chided, “This is the kind of thing these kiddos need to learn for themselves. Merlin, are you still studying to be a doctor?”

“Yes, mom. I’m still in the high honor roll. Grades are all up, I’m getting caught up with my school work and the teachers are letting me study from home, so I don’t get held back.”

“Such a surprise still,” she turned to Arthur, “Merlin was never big into studies when he was young, but that all changed around when he was 8. All of the sudden you couldn’t tear him away from his books, but it wasn’t his normal textbooks, it was all medicinal research on guides. Nobody knew how he understood any of it.”

“I didn’t at first,” I confirmed, “It took a while. I wasn’t a hit the books kind of person either, but I forced myself to learn as much as I could to be able to hide the fact that I was a guide. It still takes effort to study, but I’m much more used to it by now, so it’s easier.”

“You found out you were a guide at 8? Isn’t that kind of young?” Arthur inquired.

“It’s not that far off from the average age, when did you come online?”

“13,” he commented.

“I wonder why Merlin came online first,” Gaius questioned, “Most guide/sentinel pairs come online within two years of each other.”

“Maybe it was the intensity of my ability? My body couldn’t help it and Arthur is a year older than me. It’s only four years difference.”

“Could be, but sentinels and guides are known to come online earlier in times of distress.”

“I was not distressed until _after_ I came online.”

 “Interesting,” Gaius murmured, “I’m sure there’s a reason for it. You were always a happy child, but maybe there was something that happened around that age that bothered you more than you let on. Something that triggered it.”

“If there was, I don’t remember it.”

“I’ll ask you more about it at another time,” he concluded.

“When you were 8, you were living with your aunt and uncle in London,” my mother looked stressed, “That was the first year we left you to travel. Do you think that could have affected you? B-brought it on early?”

“It’s possible,” Gaius told her honestly.

“Mom, I loved living with uncle Teddy and aunt Claurice. Whether it did or didn’t, leaving me in their care wasn’t a bad decision of yours at all. They took really good care of me and did their best to make sure I wasn’t lonely with you two gone,” I assured her, “There’s no reason for you to feel bad about it.”

She reached over and squeezed my hand, “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“So do you two kids have anything planned for today?” my father asked, attempting to change the subject.

I glanced at Arthur and he seemed unsatisfied with the change, but took it in stride anyway, “Not yet, but I’m sure Merlin will come up with something. He’s been rather creative the last couple of days with finding things to keep us busy.”

“We rode a helicopter yesterday,” I grinned, “Picked up my posse in the school football field. It was wicked.”

“The knights all doing well then?” my mother inquired.

“Absolutely, they’ve all returned to school and call me every day. Oh! Arthur got me a phone that does the text thing. We’ve been texting now. It’s crazy. It’s like emailing, but quicker,” I rambled, “Have you guys seen the new phones? It’s like a computer in your hand! I can use the google on my mobile phone! Lance and Gwaine taught me how to use it. You wanna see it, dad?” I didn’t wait for his answer as I lifted my hand and had the phone come to me from the bedroom and turned it on. “And I can take pictures on it, too. Look, mom, I’m on the inter-web!” I shoved the phone to her face.

And my father broke into laughter, “I suppose technology isn’t so bad nowadays.”

Arthur’s eyebrows shot up, “Are _you_ where he gets his aversion to tech from?”

“Balinor is exactly where he gets it from,” my mother answered him.

“That tech stuff is what’s wrong with the world today!” my father started, “Everyone is so worried about what’s happening in that emailing stuff that they forget how to live their lives.”

“Oh don’t you start,” my mother shushed him.

“Whether that’s true or not, technology is a part of our world and we can’t just be ignorant to it,” Arthur informed my father, then looked at me, “How about we go see about getting you one of those magical pets you were talking about? What did you call it? A familiar?”

“We could go look,” I beamed, “Though, Gaius said that I can’t pick the animal, the familiar picks me. So, it might take a while to find one.”

“Ah yes,” Gaius smiled, “My familiar was an owl. Unfortunately, she passed a few years ago in an accident. What a lovely time we had together, though, she was truly the best friend I ever had.”

“How did you find yours, Gaius?”

“During my internship, on my way home, I found her lying on the ground with an injured wing and took her home. Healed her and we were together ever since. She was always a clumsy little thing.”

“I hope I find my own,” I said in awe.

“I’m sure you will,” Arthur spurred me on, “I bet I can guess what kind of animal it would be.”

I looked at him, “What do you think it’ll be?”

“A chameleon. Since you can hide yourself in plain sight so well.”

“Naw,” my father disagreed, “It’ll be a ferret. Mischievous and inquisitive.”

“I don’t know about that, I think Merlin is more dog-like. Loyal and fun,” my mother helpfully chimed in.

“I don’t think Merlin is obedient enough to be considered dog-like, but he’s definitely social and inquisitive, I agree with your father,” Gaius, of course, putting his two-cents in.

Arthur snickered, “This is going to be an interesting experience. Would any of you like to come with us?”

“Unfortunately, I will be working today,” Gaius said, looking quite regretful, “I have several appointments.”

“And we have several things to catch up with today. How about you give me your new mobile number and I call you for lunch?” my mom asked.

Arthur and I agreed with the plan and took off, letting my parents deal with the dishes as per Gaius.

It wasn’t long when we were at Mildred’s pet shop. She had an entire section specifically for familiars and rotated them frequently with several other shops around Europe. It was done this way to try to give them the best chance of finding homes with the right wizard.

Arthur and I walked in and a nice young lady, who told us to call her Millie, showed us to the section. She told us to take our time and to try to communicate with as many of the animals as I could, if I found a match, she’d give me all the information and everything I needed to take care of it properly, but to not feel down if I didn’t find one my first time.

I looked at the animals, but before I started with any of it, I turned to Arthur first, “So you haven’t brought up your dad in a couple days?”

He looked at the floor, “I’m still mad at him.”

“I think you need to tell him how you’re feeling.”

“I don’t know about that, Merlin. My father isn’t the easiest man to talk to.”

“I can understand that he may not be easy to get through to, but you still have to express yourself. Try and tell him and get it out, even if he doesn’t listen I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I guess, but maybe I need a little more time? It feels like it’s all still sinking in.”

I put my arms around his waist, “Ok. So you know we have to tell Morgana eventually too?”

“Yes, but I’m no there yet either. Plus she’s going through that stuff with Morgause being her half-sister.”

“I think that’s exactly why we should tell her. Morgana doesn’t remember her parents, in order words, right now Morgause is the only impression of biological family she has. Don’t you think learning that she has a perfectly healthy and happy half-brother would be a good positive influence for her right now? Shocking, yes, but so was learning about Morgause, this would be a good shock, though. It might be hard for her at first, but I think in the long run it’ll be a good thing and even though your dad didn’t keep her, her parents are the bomb and he’s right. Morgana never wanted for anything so far in her life. He could’ve just dumped her in foster care, but instead he made sure she was doing well and clearly kept tabs on her.”

He shifted from foot to foot, “I’ll tell her soon, just give me some more time?”

“I am,” I smiled, “I’m just trying to help you put some things in perspective. I know it’s hard to look at the whole picture when you’re directly involved in the situation and I want both of you to come out on top on this. Do you want to talk about how it’s been making you feel?”

“Confused and hurt,” he answered, “Don’t know what else to say about it.”

I let him go, “I’m not trying to push you. Just know that I’m here if you want to talk more about it and I’ll be with you every step of the way in dealing with it.”

He kissed my cheek and smiled, “I know. Now go ahead and gush over all the critters here, I know you’ve been waiting for this. And don’t bend down and don’t put your cane down. Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use it.”

I gave him grin and went right up to each pet and cooed at them. I always wanted my own, but it was never possible to convince my parents to let me get one while I practically lived on my own. Now this was entirely different, not just a pet, a best friend. A new family member.

If you hadn’t noticed, even though I’ve never had the most stable family, I’m big on it. I love my parents. I love my family. I love my friends. I was the type that once I got attached, no matter what happened, no matter what road we ended up on, they were always going to have a place in my heart. Even Nimueh.

I spent a couple of hours in the pet shop. Some of the familiars gave me annoyed looks, some let me pet them and others just ignored me.

Not a single one of them felt right. I couldn’t help the disappointment I felt in my gut, but I knew it wasn’t the end of the search. I’d have more opportunities to find him or her. Arthur put his hand around my shoulder and gave it a squeeze as we walked out, “Maybe you’ll find one next time.”

“Yeah, it’s ok. Did my parents call?” I had given Arthur my mobile, so that if they called it wouldn’t pull my attention away of finding my familiar.

“Not yet, but it’s still early.”

“OK,” I fidgeted, “I need to sit. I think I stood for too long in there.”

“Want to go home?”

“Not really.”

“How about we go for a ride or to the movies?”

“Sounds good.”

“Which one?”

“Both let’s go for a ride for a while and if they don’t call by lunch, we’ll eat and go to the movies.”

“Alright.”

I was trying to remain calm during the ride, but the longer I waited for them to call the more nervous I got. Arthur sensed my nerves. I guess them not being able to keep in contact regularly was messing with me, even when they were only a short drive away. I was tense.

“Maybe we should call them?” Arthur asked.

“No, they said they would call.”

“Ok.”

“I get the feeling that we’re testing them somehow?”

“No,” I hissed at him and then looked away and sniffed, “Maybe? I don’t know.”

“They are going to call.”

“How would you know that?” I whispered, “How would you know anything? I don’t even know what to believe half of the time. Who can I even trust?”

“Merlin, I think you’re putting way too much on the line for this one call.”

I crumpled again in the car, “I’m sorry.”

He wrapped me in his arms, “Stop apologizing and stop trying to keep all your emotions inside. I know you’re not telling me everything. Just take a deep breath, I’m here. You can trust me.”

“I know, I know. Sometimes my mind just goes to such a dark place and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

He kissed my forehead, “I’m here, Merlin. You’re not alone. I’m right next to you. I love you. Remember that. Take a deep breath.”

I closed my eyes, my body trembling, “I love you, too.”

Out of nowhere a shrill ringing sounds. Arthur grabs for the phone that had somehow landed on the floor and answers it.

“Mom?” he answers and then places it on speaker.

“Hello, Arthur! Merlin? Are you there? I’m calling about lunch, honey?”

“Hey mom,” I answer, my voice rough, “You ready to meet for lunch?”

“Are you ok, Mer-bear? You sound a little sick? Are you coming down with something?”

I cleared my throat and took a sip from the water bottle that Arthur handed me as he answered, “No, I think he just wore-out his throat talking to the familiars for so long.”

I appreciated him covering for me, “He’s right, mom.”

“Ok, well, I didn’t know where you two wanted to meet for lunch. Is that little bistro that I love still open? Do you remember the one, Mer-bear?”

“Yeah, Bev’s is still open. Do you remember how to get there?”

“Oh good! Yes, I remember, let’s go there. They have the best tea in town. I’ll see you two in about 20 minutes or so?”

“Sounds like a plan,” answered Arthur.

“Ok, see you in bit you two.”

“See you in a bit, mom.”

I watch Arthur hang up and bit my lip, feeling ridiculously pathetic at the moment.

“Stop it,” he said kissing my knuckles, “It’s fine. Your mind is just dealing with a lot of things at once. You have to give yourself time, Mer-bear.”

I scowled at him and threw my arms around his neck, “I’m glad they called.”

“I told you they would.”

“No-one likes a know-it-all.”

“Clearly that’s not true, since you are so obviously head over heels for me.”

“Quiet you,” I said pulling back just enough to kiss him, “Or you’ll regret it.”

“Mmm if this is how you’re going to punish me, I’ll never shut up.”

I started nibbling on his neck and he groaned and pulled away, “We’ll have to pick this up later. I can’t do lunch with the in-laws with a hard on.”

I grinned, “Can I test that theory out?”

“No!” he put his arms up in a x, “No way. Now come on, we’re going to eat!”

I laughed and felt a little better. Arthur was right, I needed to pull myself out of my head. I was here, not there. I had to find my center, if I didn’t I’d never stabilize enough to properly bond with him.

The rest of day went pretty well. Lunch was nice and at some point, dad pulled Arthur away to tell him some things. Mom and I rolled our eyes at him. Then we all agreed to watch a movie afterward. I couldn’t tell you what happened in it, though, I fell asleep about 5 minutes into it, but I was happy. I had so many of the people that I loved with me. What could be better?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, I've posted another chapter. Another chapter! ANOTHER CHAPTER!
> 
> BAM!
> 
> BAMO!
> 
> I'm also eating pizza and watching Chef Ramsey yell at people. It's a good day, me thinks.
> 
> I'm afraid to say it out loud... But I think I'm falling in love. It's the weirdest freaking feeling. Not that I haven't been in love with anyone.... but not like this. It's DIFFERENT... It's weird.
> 
> I don't know how to explain it.
> 
> UGH!
> 
> Well... I had to tell someone. Thank you for the comments, bookmarks, and kudos and for reading this story... I'm off to... continue blowing my day away doing nothing. :)


	20. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like I said PeaceHeather... I planned on posting this chapter soon...
> 
> Really soon.... 
> 
> Like now XD

It was time.

My therapists both said I was ready.

I _knew_ I was ready.

It was going to happen.

Today was THE DAY.

My target was locked on my sight, I was loaded and ready to fire.

There he was lying on the couch, leg sticking out on one end, arm tucked in under his head. I snuck around him, climbed onto the edge of the couch and pounced. He laughed and grabbed me, “Are you crazy? What if you get hurt?”

“Quit being a party pooper! I can pounce on you if I want to!”

“You’re so wacked,” he laughed and kissed me. I settled into his chest, “Ok. Enough playing. Are you ready for me, Arthur?”

“Ready for you?”

“It’s been medically approved,” I smirked, “I’m going in.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That’s not important! Answer the question, are you ready for me?”

“Uh I guess, you goof?”

“Brilliant,” I sat up and made him readjust on the couch and I adjusted myself for best comfort. We cuddled in and I smiled. I closed my eyes and enveloped him in my empathy. Something I hadn’t fully done since coming back. The doctors had been afraid that if I’d done it sooner, my volatile emotions might end up accidentally hurting him, but it wasn’t the case anymore. I wasn’t 100% but they had no doubt that it was perfectly safe for me to reconnect with him like this.

I built a shield around us and began lowering all of mine to him again, I felt his arms tighten around me and heard him take a sharp breath and sigh leaving his lips. I understood, I felt the same way. The more I opened myself up to him, the more complete I felt and as the last of my shields came down, there it was. That peace and safety and overwhelming love. I felt him expanding within me, entwining with me. It was like that very first time. Except better. Way better. I wasn’t afraid this time, it wasn’t unintentional. I was ready for it and I was ready to explore it. I found our bond instantly and allowed myself to flow in it as Arthur just wrapped me in all that was him and I wrapped myself around him. Then I pulled us under to Arthur’s kingdom. I found myself at home as I walked next to him this time, I felt Kilgharra happily flying above us and I could hear Espen growling proudly in the distance.

I smiled at Arthur and he smiled at me, “I’ve missed having you here.”

“I’ve missed being here.” I looked around and focused, I’d been taken lessons from my guide therapist in how to properly be a guide and began fixing the imperfections I found in Arthur’s kingdom, allowing the flow of information to come in as it should. Fixing broken carts and misshaped animals. Cracked walls. He needed the maintenance and I needed to get to know this part of him better. This should be my second home and it felt like it. I could see him brighten up and felt our bond strengthened as I worked. I walked into the castle, exploring the rooms, until I reached one that was wholly distorted and frowned, “What’s happened here?”

I began slowly, working myself around the room. The windows had been boarded haphazardly, I removed the boards and fixed the shattered glass, the distorted and warped walls began to take a new shape as I worked carefully to restore them, the table that had been taken apart began to come together as well as all of the other furniture that I fixed. Finally, I concentrated on the figures in the room, the words that formed themselves into what almost looked human. It felt like a long time before I was done, and I could sense a clear difference in Arthur. He was calmer, less tense, some of his worries were soothed. For today, I knew it was enough, there was still more to do, but I had to be careful not to push myself too much and to take my time. As Arthur’s world grew, there would always be more things to straighten up and we had a lifetime together for me to get this to be a smooth operating kingdom of peace and prosperity. Arthur would always need me and want me here.

I took Arthur’s hand and we wondered into the thrown room. He sat on the chair and I knelt in front of him. I said no words, but I knew he understood my gesture, he stood up and lifted me to his side.

“Together we stand.”

“Together we stand,” I repeated and with a smile and a kiss. We left the castle, slowly coming to reality on the couch.

His eyes were wide and adoring as he said, “You amaze me.”

“I love you so much,” I mumbled as I shifted to kiss him.

He groaned as our lips connected. I felt like I was on fire and intoxicated in all that was Arthur. Our bond was stronger, we were stronger. Another piece of myself came back into place.

Unfortunately, we were interrupted by several rude (RUDE!) people clearing their throats.

Arthur growled at them, “GO AWAY!”

I snickered as I turned to look at my friends, “Your timing is the absolute worse right now, guys.”

“We were invited here, Merlin, and you’re being a very impolite host,” Mordred smirked.

“I didn’t invite you,” I turned to Arthur, “Did you invite them?”

“No, I did.”

“Mom!” I scrambled off of Arthur and we both stood, “When did you guys come in?”

“It was while you were in the middle of guiding Arthur,” Gwen explained.

“Oh,” was all I could think to say, “What’s going on?”

“Well I wanted to see all the knights together again,” my mother explained, “You lot have been friends for so long, it’s only right we have dinner together and Gaius said he’d love to have it in his house.”

I twitched and blurted, “Not all the knights,” then I covered my mouth, because it was so not the right thing to say and I knew that. My brain was just really dumb sometimes.

Everyone got a solemn look on their faces and Morgana came over to hug me, “Merlin, it’s ok.”

I mumbled something about being an idiot and then proceeded to break down, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I whispered into her shoulder as I cried and what the fuck was wrong with me, I needed to shut up, but I couldn’t, “I killed her. I’m sorry.” Then before I knew it I was surrounded by everyone and we all cried over Nimueh, over the traitor knight. Over what we chose to remember of her and for the first time I felt a weight lifted. Not entirely, Nimueh’s death by my hands forever changed me, but I felt myself healing and letting some of that pain leave my body. I felt everyone’s love and more pieces of myself felt like they were flying into place.

The scars would always be there, I would forever be paranoid, but I would never be alone again. I knew who my people were and they would always have my back. She may have broken me, but I was on my way to repair. I wouldn’t fall into the darkness, I would come out and I would be stronger for it. It just took some time for me to realize that again.

These people, right here, my family, loved me and needed me and accepted me. I would stand tall for them and for myself. Because I was Merlin, damn it!

I was the alpha guide-wizard!

And nothing, not a fucking thing would keep me down. I fucking started explosions, tripped up more sentinels than I could count and got straight A’s without fail.

I was triple threat!

Watch out world, Merlin’s in town and he’s got his army with him.

Nothing could take us down.

We all broke apart and ate a huge meal with red eyes and jokes flying back and forth.

It was awesome to have them all with me and right as the night was ending and everyone was going home, Mordred grabbed me and whispered, “I got her dad’s blessing! It’s happening Merlin! Field tomorrow, 6 o’clock. Don’t be fucking late or I’ll kill you,” he punched me in the arm, grinned and left.

Oh shit.

My best friend/little brother was proposing to my other best friend/sister/sister-in-law.

I just beamed at Arthur and threw my arms around his neck, “Best dinner ever.”

He grinned, “Let’s go to bed, fruitcake.”

* * *

 

Everyone except for Morgana and Gwen was at the field way early.

I helped Mordred set up candles a la magic and mood music. He was shaking, so I sent him a wave of calm and he gave me shaky smile.

“What if she says no?”

“Stop being an idiot.”

“She could say no.”

“Mordred, do not force me to give you a nipple twister the day your proposing to Morgana, because I will do it. If that’s what it takes for you to get your head on straight, I _will_ do it.”

I looked at the field and it was kind of perfect in a little while the stars would come out and with the candles. It was the perfect setting for a proposal and all of us were here to witness it. We’d be sharing this moment for years, because that’s what friends did. We shared the good and the bad.

We ride together, we die together.

I heard that in an American movie. I felt like it applied to us. If this was back in the days of Camelot. Real Camelot, I was sure all of us would be on horses riding to war together and supporting each other, just like now.

Lance popped up beside me and Mordred, “Fair warning, if she turns you down, I may not be able to stop myself from crackin’ up.”

“Only you would laugh at someone else’s expense,” Elyan huffed.

“That’s not true,” I defended, “I’d do the same thing.”

Lance threw his arm on my shoulder and grinned, “Thank you, Merlin.”

“Could you imagine the look on Mordred’s face if she turned him down?” Gwaine chimed in.

“It would be destruction,” Arthur nodded, next to him, “Complete utter destruction. Do you think he’d cry?”

“Yes,” Lance smirked, “It would be glorious tears.”

Elyan gave Mordred a side hug, “Don’t listen to them, they are arseholes and just jealous cause they’re not man enough to propose to who they love.”

“Baby, I promise I’ll propose, just as soon as we graduate college,” Gwaine placated, “I have it all planned out, you’ll see.”

Elyan snuffed him and Lance frowned, “Hey! I plan on proposing, too. Gwen deserves a beautiful wedding, I’d never take that away from her. I can only imagine how she’d look in a wedding dress.”

I looked at Arthur as I contemplated this, “If we ever get married, can we avoid all this nonsense and just get hitched?”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at me, “You are _the_ most unromantic person on the planet, do you know that?”

“It just seems like a lot of unnecessary hassle,” I argued.

“Having a proper proposal is unnecessary hassle to you?” Arthur responded looking aghast.

I shrugged, “Well…”

“Obviously, _you’ll_ be the one proposing,” Mordred gave Arthur a solemn look, “Seeing as Merlin is going to be absolutely useless throughout the whole ordeal. You are the absolute worst, Merlin.”

“Yeah, man, what’s wrong with you?” Lance joined in.

Elyan shook his head at me, “How do you put up with him, Arthur?”

“It’s because he’s from an alien planet,” Gwaine attempted to explain, “He does not understand our customs.”

“Seriously? You’re all ganging up on _me_ now?” I huffed, “Proposal or marriage or not. It’ll never change how I feel about Arthur, so excuse me if I’m not that avidly invested in it.”

“Did you hear him?” Lance tutted, “Truly the most unromantic man on the planet. Arthur, I pity thee for being bound to such silly person.”

“I know,” Arthur whined, “I suffer every day with this. I try so hard.” Arthur wiped imaginary tears from his face as he faked cried on Lance’s shoulder.

“You all suck,” I sneered, “And if I’m that terrible, then why did you pick me?!” I pouted and stalked away from them and plumped under a nearby tree. Ignoring the lot, but they followed me, with increasingly unhelpful comments such as, “Oooh he’s mad.”

“Such a temper on this one.”

“Poor you, Arthur, what ever shall you do?”

“No worries gentlemen, I have a fail safe in this kind of situation,” Arthur touted.

“What would that be?” Lance inquired.

Arthur knelt in front of me and proudly stated, “Groveling.”

“Genius!” Gwaine applauded.

“Excellent thinking. Teach us, oh master of alien taming,” Mordred egged him on.

“I hate all of you,” I growled.

Arthur placed his head on my shoulder, “Don’t be angry, Mer-bear,” when I ignored him he kissed my neck and began lightly running his tongue on it, “I love you and your unromantic habits.” I grumbled at him, “Please, Mer-bear, please forgive me.”

“Hmph,” I responded as my face began to flush under his administrations, “You’re such a cheater.”

He pulled my arms around him, “I know,” he whispered, “Forgive me?”

“Yes,” I scowled.

“And so the master succeeds!” Lance announced, and all the guys clapped.

“I don’t know why I’m friends with any of you,” I cried.

“Guys!” Lance yelled looking at his phone, “Places people! They’re here!”

Mordred and I looked at each other, perfect timing, the sun was starting to set, and we were ready. I clasped his shoulder, “You can do this.”

Mordred fixed his white suit and stood in the middle of the candles we had set out to be shaped as a heart and waited, while we all stood on the outskirts, ready to jump for joy at a moment’s notice.

Morgana came to the field in a light purple flowy dress that made her look like a fairy. Her eyes were covered, and Gwen was slowly guiding her to the spot, removing the scarf covering her eyes as soon as she was in position and quietly coming over to us. Morgana blinked in confusion for a moment before what was happening hit her and you can see her face light up as she walked towards Mordred.

“Mordred, what is this?” she marveled.

“Morgana,” he said taking her hand, “I hope that by now you’re well aware of my feelings for you and that you understand what I’m trying to express with all of this,” he then bent to one knee and pulled the box from his pocket, “I-I love you and I love everything about you. I love the way you smile and how sweet you are. I love your v-voice and how you’re never afraid to tell me to my face how you feel. I love how cute you look when you get mad and how you hate all cereal. How you curl into a ball when you sleep and how smart you are. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side and I hope you want to spend yours by mine,” he slowly opened the box, “Morgana Compton, w-will you marry me?”

I saw tears in Morgana’s eyes as she jumped into his arms, “Yes, Mordred, yes!” We watched him put on the ring that he’d spent all his savings on. It wasn’t a big diamond or anything flashy, but all of his love went into it.

I gave Gwaine the signal and he set off the fireworks we had prepared, I gave Lance a glance and he gave me the thumbs up. He was recording the whole thing for them and it seemed everything went fine with the filming so far.

Gwen was bouncing up and down on her feet. Arthur and I were holding hands and he leaned over and kissed my cheek, “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I whispered back, my eyes on Mordred and Morgana.

My favorite M&M’s.

They should get that tattooed.

I’d pay for it, it’d be the worst and best proposal present.

Morgana turned to us, “What are you all doing over there?! Come over here! We’re celebrating!”

We all ran towards them and hugged them. I gave her a tight hug, “I’m so happy for you!”

“Me too!” she shrieked.

We took out the sparkling grape wine we bought and toasted to them.

I whispered in Mordred’s ear, “Told you so.”

I felt my heart bursting with joy for my friends and I couldn’t hold it back. I felt it bubbling out of me and I knew they felt it soon as their heads started turning towards me. I grinned, “Sharing the love!”

We all laughed and spent the next several hours in the field, eating snacks and dancing. Recording funny comments on the camera. I couldn’t stand for too long, so Arthur picked me up and carried me around so I could keep up with my friends. I felt a little ridiculous, but I was so happy for my friends, it didn’t even phase me.

That night I fell asleep curled up against Arthur. I felt so much love and joy, I was just bleeding it for hours and I could feel Arthur returning it to me through our bond.

I felt another part of me come together.

I was blessed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously on a roll with this....
> 
> I'm loosing steam though....
> 
> I feel it in my pores... it oozed all out with this last chapter.
> 
> Wah T_T
> 
> But it's a happy chapter, so happy, so happpy!


End file.
